Can't deal with red-neck in laws. Please help!!?

Question

Hi everyone,

I am a Muslim Lebanese.

I met my boyfriend in the US during my studies. I came back to my home country giving up a good life there. We have a long distance relationship now. He comes and visits me once in every month and he wants to marry me.

He is from a small town in Kentucky. I met his whole family and his parents. I am the first foreigner person they met!! His whole family is very conservative Christians. They support the war and are completely ignorant to world issues and see muslim countries as "places to refine"

His father keeps sending me emails and tells me that he has a thousand questions that I should answer before he can bless this "union". His mother masters how to make people feel uncomfortable, she is single, very judgemental, suspicious, and unsociable. She also expects too much from her son.They are coming to Lebanon in February to meet my family?!?! How shall I deal with them?

Now, he wants to go to Amsterdam and elope ??!! Please help.

I guess some found it offensive that used the "red-neck" term. I didn't know that word until I met him. He calls his parents and his family rednecks/hillbillies/midwestern white-trash. This isn't my terminology.

Why do I think his mother expects too much? She constantly makes him feel guilty about her being 55 and single. She wants to hold hands with him when they are walking. She wants to move to his apartment (he is 27) to cook and clean for him. She acts like his ex-girl friend, even in a family dinner, she wants him to spend some time with her "all alone".

Are these normal in midwestern culture, can somebody explain please?

Answer 1

no self respecting redneck would be found dead in lebanon. besides, it's on the state department list of places NOT to go. and you say they have issues, and you call them rednecks. ..................

Answer 2

Everyone has to put up with pain in the neck inlaws but your real issue is actually about you two. If he is a Christian and you are a Muslim and it's not just labels you have very little chance of making a good life with each other. If you are both secular people appeasing parents then just call yourselves that and get on with life while tolerating the inlaws on both sides but if you are not.. it really matters and the conflict is going to erupt in a mighty way...when you try to decide where to get marries, your vows, what to teach the kids, what schools to take them to... having a common philosophical base to work from is the only way a union can really work long term.

Answer 3

In the first place my folks didn't like my future wife, she wasn't a Catholic. They also didn't like her because she wasn't from our area of Europe. Her folks didn't like me because I was considered a non-christian being Catholic and from Poland. It went on and on. You'd a though they were going to marry each other.

My wife and I got together with some friends and we eloped, we made our own arraignments and had a heck of a time. We let them know a week later. We were somewhere on the East Coast in the United States Army and didn't see any of them for a year. We told them when we came home that we would turn around and go back if there were any problems.
Everything worked out O.K.. years later Her dad and I, he hated me for his own reasons, we didn't talk for his last thirty years of his life. He's the one that missed, not me.

I wish you luck, do what you have to, you don't have to sleep with them.

Answer 4

Sounds to me as if YOU are being just as judgemental as you say his family are. You have to understand that they are AMERICAN'S. They don't live in your culture and they did not raise their son in your culture. What yu feel is his mother's "expecting too much from her son" is called simple respect of women here. If you are having problems coping with the differences in culture now I suggest you break off with this young man because you will never be able to cope in a marriage and raising children this way. By the way you didn't mention as to where the two of you would be living AFTER you were married. I'd be interested in which country and as to which culture/religion you would be living with.

Answer 5

The snitches around here grow to be the 'lacking'...some have on no account been got here upon at this element. Others circulate away..in all probability to Nebraska, the place their corpse is later modern in a Corn field- Decomposing. This sounds undesirable, yet, there is validity to it. It occurs. some ppl circulate loopy and get wormy on Meth and such....seems there are some morbid outcomes, for specific.

Answer 6

If you are truly in love with this guy, and he feels the same, do not let his family break apart your relationship. It's obvious that you are a well educated woman, simply based on your grammer & spelling. Just be as polite to them as possible, extended all courtesies, basically do not lower yourself to their level. Otherwise, you'll be doing the same thing they are doing to you. Be yourself, and if they truly want their son to be happy, in time they'll realize you don't fit the profile they have set out for you.
Whether or not you elope is between you and your boyfriend.

Answer 7

If you like Lebanon, stay there and find another boyfriend. Marrying an American Christian, with conservative parents will be the road to ultimate disaster. Do not let your hormones take over your brain. Tell them you changed your mind.

Answer 8

Unfortunately your boyfriend's family is like a lot of Americans and do understand other cultures and religions. Where they live in Kentucky, they do not come in contact with a diverse group of cultures and thus probably believe a lot of stereotypes they here from other people who have little or no knowledge about other cultures or religions. I find most conservatives to be intolerant and closed minded.

That said, your boyfriend needs to sit down with his parents and have a heart to heart talk with them. He needs to explain to them how much he loves you and why he wants to marry you. It is not his parent's choice who their son marries, and if they can't accept that, they will lose their son.

Good Luck If you need to talk more, please email me at [e-mail]

Answer 9

Take one day at a time sweetie..if they wanna come to Lebanon to meet your parents so give them that respect. Remember we are Mulims, and it is a tolerence religion.
Let the discussion begin...and if all goes well, all will be well but if all not well than, go ahead, you got my blessing...elope to amsterdam!!!!

Answer 10

go to amsterdam and elope. tell your b/f to tell his parents it would best if they keep their opinions to themselves while visiting. just because his parents are ignorant doesn't mean he is. you can always move to where you won't have to deal with the parents often.