Not wanting to get married - big deal?

Question

I'm 21 and don't look forward to a marriage and don't even have the smallet bit of desire to persue a relationship with anyone. I feel that I am better off alone. When I tell people I don't want to get married, especially my parents, I get nothing but wide eyes and the simple one-word question, "why?" -- WHY IS IT SUCH A BIG DEAL THAT SOMEONE DOESN"T WANT TO GET MARRIED? But most of all, what can I tell everyone for them to understand?

Answer 1

I commend you for recognizing at such a young age that there is more to life than a marriage. I tell my teenage daughters this:

We change so much from 19 years old to thirty years old so even if you saddle yourself with a spouse, you two will each grow up and probably apart....which is the number one reason people cheat and then divorce after ten, fifteen and twenty years of marriage.

Go to college....pursue a career....and a hobby that makes you happy......a mate is not the answer to feeling "complete", a mate should compliment your already strong sense of self and self reliance.

So what to tell those nay-sayers in your life.....you are getting to know you right now and they'll be the first to know when you are interested in dating....and, no, there is nothing wrong with you. You are going after what you want and those who love you ideally will only be concerned that you are happy with the life you ahve chosen.

Why is it such a big deal that someone doesn't want to get married is the other question you asked.....because our society with its let my mom pick my boyfriend reality shows and our obsession with the celebrities marriages, scandals and divorce has covinced the general public that a woman is not complete without a man and that every man needs a woman to cook and clean for him. And because alot of people still feel that its "the next logical step in life" after high school is to find a mate and settle down. So keep your answer simple and to the point that you are finding out who you are before you can introduce yourself to a potential mate candidate.

Answer 2

Your parents wnat the whole marriage thing becausae all they want are grand kids it really pisses them off if you get married and then tell them that you and the wife dont want kids. Marraige is a choice and some do not want to marry it isa completely normal. Tell your family that at this point in my life marriage is nothing that interests me and well that is my choice on the matter and just stay out of my business. You are young and the thought of finding someone right now is the farthest thing from your mind for most guys your age they are just finishing school looking at the career goals and scoring with a bunch of women.
Well I will tell you the career thing was my area looking for a lady was just not there but that changed when I met the love of my life at 24 and now 7+yrs later I'm in a state of bliss and happiness
with no kids 2 dogs, 2birds, and a cat and a beautiful home in the country well anyways as you age you may start to change your thoughts on this as you consider living a life all alone may be too much.

Answer 3

First of all 21is way to young to be thinking about a serious relationship. You should be worrying about life and how to get the best out of it right now. When you get older you may find that your thoughts and opinions have changed regarding your view towards marriage. If it doesn't that does not mean you are abnormal. After I ended 3 engagements I came to realize i did not ever want to be married i was only getting engaged to please others. I am happy have a full life and don't worry about what other people, including my family thinks. No one can live your life but you.

Answer 4

You don't have to explain anything to them. If you don't want to get married, then don't. Why put yourself, or some woman (maybe man, I don't know your preference) through all of that? If you don't desire marriage, you won't be happy in one. Do what's best for you. The divorce rate would be a lot lower, if people just followed their instincts.

Answer 5

i think its great that you have no desire to get married for now...one day if or when you fall in love you may change your mind...too bad more people dont think like you...we should all wait until we have met the right one then there would be less divorce. but even if you never choose to marry....that is your choice and there is nothing wrong with that

Answer 6

I think that there are going to be a lot more people like you in the near future and I don't see the problem either because there are far too many people having babies in the world right now.

Answer 7

Older people don't understand the the younger generation just aren't looking to get married at 21 like they were.

Just tell them that you are looking to find out who you are and establish yourself before you even start looking for somebody else to share yourself and your life with.

You have spent 21 years of your life following somebody else's rules, and dealing with life under somebody else's expectations, it's time for you to find out what life is like for you before you add someone else to it -- TIL DEATH DO YOU PART.

Most people -- even old folks like your parents might even understand that one.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Knowing your own mind is the most important thing. For now, saying that you're too young should be completely understandable. All that should matter to those who care about you, is that you are happy.

Answer 9

I am totally against marriage. I am 31 and pregnant with my second child. I may let someone move in, but marriage.. no way. If I live alone with my kids and when they leave, I live alone, fine... I don't want marriage

Answer 10

Tell them you'll get married when your 40 and until then just leave you alone, or you'll wait till your 50