what do you do when find out that your wife of 11yrs is having an (EMOTIONAL) affair with her co-worker?

Answer 1

Now, this is a really difficult thing to address and I going to get down and dirty so don't get offended.

Let's everybody (HER AND YOU) take some responsibility. If she is having an emotional affair, she is missing something that you aren't giving her. However shame on her for not asking for what she needs. But if she did and you aren't giving it to her, shame on you. You both need to go to counseling together and separately.

Now for my softness. My heart goes out to you. When a woman shares her emotions with another man...she will most likely share her body soon too. That's just the nature of the flow of things. She HAS TO END THAT RELATIONSHIP in order to save yours. It may be hard since it is a co-worker. But it can be done.

Based on the little you have said, I guess you have addressed it in some manner. Don't back off...for women, EMOTIONS are strong AND are a very HUGE driver to what they will do or not do. IF YOU WANT YOUR WIFE, you need her to place those emotions at your doorstep. She needs to see that her emotional affair has harmed you EMOTIONALLY! That's the arena that she is operating in right now.

Make a decision about what you want then go for it! But if you want a divorce, then don't argue...just tell her how you feel and move. It is the bad stuff that makes things hard and the fighting that makes things harder.

Fight for your marriage with positive things! Yes, you can give her emotional guilt with this one. Don't feel bad about it. But save your marriage if you want it! If she hasn't had sex with him yet, GET YOUR WIFE'S LOVE BACK!!! IT BELONGS TO YOU!!! Once you have, she will look at the co-worker and say, "thanks but I need to get home to my husband!"

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

Well first you can get very upset, but eventually you have to let go of the anger and get over it! Women are emotional creatures who have an uncanny need to share their inner most feelings. For whatever reason, her co-worker has become her go to person. You can ask her why she doesn't come to you, but if you're honest with yourself, you already know the answer to that question. Women stray and stay for pretty much the same reason, not enough attention to whats important to them. If you're really involved with your spouse and care enough to show an interest in what her interests are, she won't seek that kind of attention for others. Most women seek out their best girlfriends for this kind of sounding board and emotional attachment. You don't say if her co-worker is a male or female, I can only guess that the person is male or you wouldn't be so concerned. Don't worry, all is not lost, if you're truly committed to getting things back on track before this other person assumes an even more important role in her life, all you have to do is start being her best friend. Actually take an interest in what makes her tick and mean it. Don't pressure her, just make yourself available when she wants to talk or draw her out when she enters a room. Send her all the right hints and clues that you really care and she'll respond.

Answer 3

I'd look back and try to figure out why she is not getting the emotional support from me. I'd work on our marriage and try to figure out how I could be more emotionally supportive to her. She's not sleeping with him. Emotional affairs seem quite innocent at first to a person who is feeling neglected. When people have emotional affairs it is usually not intentional. The spouse who has the "emotional" affair generally just needs someone to talk with and to be heard. If you haven't been able to understand her or talk with her about issues that are important to her then she probably felt like she was ready to burst. A co-worker is the most common person for a spouse to have an emotional affair with. They spend much time with them and it does not mean that your wife has any intention of being physical with the co-worker. More often than not people choose co-workers that are "safe". People who they don't think will "think" they want a relationship with them. I think you should be kind and supportive to your wife and look at what role you played in your relationship that brought it to this level. After all... women (or men for that matter) don't have emotional affairs if their emotional needs are met at home. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 4

I am in the same situation that your wife is in right now. He is on my mind all the time and I battle with the thoughts because I know that I have a commitment to my husband. I have not acted on my emotions and it has been months since it all began. What bothers me most is when I ask myself why? Why do I all of a sudden have this emotional battle within me? My husband and I have been married for 11 years just like you and I felt I owed it to him to at least speak openly about what I was feeling for this other man and maybe together we could figure out what was wrong with our marriage. A few months before I met this other guy ...I really figured it out. I was missing the security and attention from my husband and I had told him so. I was very unhappy. One of the few top essential needs of a human being is security, love, and attention. So where I am going with this is...I think something is missing from your relationship. Perhaps it is another one of those stages in a marriage but in this day and age where divorce seems to be so prevalent...I think you should discuss what is missing with your wife to gentle push through this. Don't be angry or defensive just be her best friend and find out what direction you need to take together whether it be counseling or perhaps a separation agreement to regroup. Good luck! I wish for you the best...

Answer 5

What the hell is an emotional affair? Is she developing a relationship with the person? Is this how the two of you got together..you became emotional connected? This doesn't sound good. The politically correct way to handle this would be to go and get professional help. The other way is to kick her cheating a@* to the curb. Any kind of an affair is cheating and dishonest. Good luck!

Answer 6

There is something missing in you which you have not given her and THAT she is getting from her co worker.This fault inyou has to be addmitted by you first.Analyse that thing, Try to know the reasons and start improving on those angles.Its not the fault of your wife but yours that she is slipping from you.Give her love.Care her.Meet her all the demands.Tell her that she is everything for you.Improve your personality. Wear good clothes.Take her out.for shopping etc. Spend money on her.Give her that care and love which she was getting from her parents before marrying you.If you do so then day is not far when she will not see her co worker and will be yours only.
May GOD bless you.

Answer 7

An emotional affair? O.K. I'll go along with this. Did she tell you this or, did you find out? and did she just tell you it was an emotional affair. Just like my wife told me they only "did it once" In six months of seeing each other almost everyday, right.

That's the stereo typical explanation you know, "we only did it once" it was only emotional" "it was an infatuation" although the guilt allows them the release with the telling, the amount, for the time being, lessens the degree of guilt.

So whatever you do is up to you. I of course took her back and we worked things out, again, and again, and, again, six times in 35 years. I know, I know.

Answer 8

Sorry to say it hun,but women find more fullfillment in an emotionally stable condition,more then a physical situation. Women emotionally want to feel like their spouse cares,and they are the center of a mans world.
Most people when they form an emotional connection to someone else,they leave the person they are with. I find in some cases,that emotional connections are worse off then any physical contact a person can have with another person.

Answer 9

First you decide whether you want to remain in the relationship or not, whether you can start to try to build trust again. Then you ask her questions about what aspects of emotion are missing from your relationship with you and her. Then you LISTEN with your mind and your heart. Provide what she needs and allow her to provide what you need. it will take time honesty and strength to pull things back together, If you belive that your existing love is strong enough you can do it and in a few months you will be on the road to mutual healing and a new beautiful relationship. I know it is easy to say but much harder to do. Commit yourself 11 years is a long time to just throw away. I wish you peace and healing

Answer 10

An emotional affair?????????? Is she missing something from you? What do you do? You find out why she needs this and go get help, together. Is she bored in the relationship - that happens sometimes. You need to spark it up and be not just a good husband but a good friend to her so she doesn't need to go elsewhere.