I'm at my wits end and it hasn't been the first time. My husband is so emotionally abusive that my self-esteem has gone the toilet. I've been enduring this treatment for almost 8 yrs. One minute he's calling me a nasty ***** and the very next minute he's asking, "Can't we just be friends?? All I want to be is friends." I sometimes think that I'm going crazy... I have two young sons and they usually hear all of this...I don't want them thinking that it's alright to treat women this way. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I'm hurting inside and the tears are a release valve for me.
I'm so unhappy and even that is an understatement. I don't have to live like this I know. Do you think staying in a relationship like this because of the kids is a good idea? I don't. I'm not allowed on the bank account, no credit cards, etc.
Why me?? : (
2006-12-17 11:55:38 · 11 answers · asked by Suzanne S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You have to think would you treat someone you care about like that? Probably not...because if you feel for someone you treat them with respect not like property. You don't want your children to act like him do you? I am not saying leave him but atleast go into counseling. If he is unwilling to try counseling than he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. When people ask questions like this really they already know the answer to if he would ever change. The best thing for the children is to know that both their mother and them are safe physically and emotionally.
2006-12-17 12:06:58 · answer #1 · answered by pyt_tlc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the only person who has the right to control you. You are not crazy and no one should live like that. If you let him continue he will wear you down you will get depressed and you will be too weak and confused to stand up for yourself and your children. If you are thinking it is easier to grin and bear it, for the sake of the kids or your husbands feelings, you are wrong. Leaving him is a win win situation. If he changes you will have a better man back and you will have dignity, self esteem and confidence the best gifts you can give to yourself and your children. If he if he doesn't want to change it is still a win for you and your children because you have made a decision to be a healthy responsible strong mother. You get to keep the pride, self esteem and self confidence and you will be rescuing your children from repeating their father's behavior toward women they grow up. Also you will end up finding a great partner because the good men are attracted to strong independent women and that is what you will become as you detach from the abusive person and you don't look back. You may feel horrible during the process but hang in there because your kids need you to do the right thing. Start with a therapist for you, read every book, look up everything on the internet, make a plan. Seek help and you will find help.
2006-12-20 18:56:22 · answer #2 · answered by kaylee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think we all say "why me" at some point in our lives. Right now you can't afford to think that way...you have your children to think about and that hopefully should keep you going. If your children are hearing you argue all the time or hear him calling you names that is a very bad place for them to be. They pick up alot more then we think they do. If you have any feelings about staying in this relationship, I strongly suggest counseling not just for him but for both of you as a couple. It sounds like he could use some anger management classes. Otherwise, talk to a lawyer and see what your options are and find out the best and safest way to get out of there with your kids. Being treated this way will tear down your self confidence and your self esteem. Get some help for yourself....you need someone you can trust to talk to about this.
I wish you the best.
2006-12-17 12:07:55 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any variety of abuse is a purpose to finish the connection/marriage. I did not recognize what verbal abuse was once and stayed in my first marriage a ways too lengthy. After I learned, I ended the wedding. He nonetheless would possibly not admit to abuse and not ever will. I strongly advise you learn the ebook Abuse Survivors Speak Out via Patricia Evans. Its a existence saver and simply be definite you may have tissues. I noticed all what I went through in black and white - matters I did not see earlier than. I recognize the indicators now and can not ever allow an additional man or woman abuse me. My hubby additionally went through bodily and verbal abuse as a little one and we each recognize the outcome of what occurs. IMO Verbal abuse can also be worse in a few methods as its sneaky and takes longer to determine - it tears down your self-worth and leaves scars at the within - which take plenty longer to heal.
2016-09-03 12:58:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is never good to stay in a relationship for the kids because in the long run your pain and suffering is your childrens pain and suffering. If you are that unhappy and hurting start tryin to find help for you and your children. There are plenty of place out there and resources for single mother. I been a single mother since my daughter was born 4 years ago and i am almost done with school and will have a good job in one semester. It can be done but it will take you to decide to change your life around. Best wishes to you and your kids.
2006-12-17 12:00:16 · answer #5 · answered by jenniferlee_63116 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husban may love you but most important he is trying to control you. that is why you are not on any bank account. and you have no access to credit cards. because he does not want you to be able to get to anything that would let you leave him. no you do not have to live like this. do you have a womans shelter for abusive relationships. there you can get counseling, and help. and they will not let your husband know where you are. look in your local phone book or call "first call for help" explain that you are being verbally and emotionaly abused and that you want to know where the nearest shelter is for abused woman. they will direct you to the nearest one. all information that you give the women in the shelter is confidential. do not waiver once you have made your decision. as you wrote, "i have two young sons and they usually hear all of this...i dont want them thinking that it's alright to treat women this way." do you understand what willl happen if they think that it is alright to treat women this way? they will be gin to take on the characteristics of their father who is treating you this way, ..who learned how from watching some one else. peace and blessing unto you...phatbeatz
2006-12-17 13:40:06 · answer #6 · answered by PhatBeatz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband doesn't love you. Whether you are "allowed" to be on the bank account you ARE entltied to half of what is there. I suggest you seek the services of a lawyer before you go any further. He can tell you HOW to get funds out of the account that you will need and what steps to take. As for your question "Why me?" Because this is what you CHOSE.
2006-12-17 12:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to me..it sounds like you have tolerated this behavior for way too long...if you are not happy then neither are your children..
and it is a bad example for the kids to see him treating you like that...
it does not sound like love anymore to me
i do not believe that you should stay because of the children
he is controlling you and he will control them as well
you need to take you and your children out of this situation
in the long run you will be happier than you are right now
i say lose him!
but that is just my opinion
best of luck to you and the kids
2006-12-17 13:36:16 · answer #8 · answered by Bren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out of that now- the kids already know what is going on, they are not as dumb as you think they are- there are agencies that will help you, being you are abused- get the phone book and start calling as soon as you can. God be with you in this time of trouble and may your new year be happier too
2006-12-17 12:04:09 · answer #9 · answered by flyingdove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
But you've already admitted that it's not good for the kids! It's definately not good to stay for them.
There is absolutely better out there for you; no one should have to live like that. Good luck and God bless.
2006-12-17 12:10:28 · answer #10 · answered by Jax 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋