Hey, Please read the add'l details and answer.
2006-12-17 11:53:23 · 10 answers · asked by Michael 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
My g/f was raped by a two close friends about 6 months ago. She has been through consuling and all. She is becoming her normal self again. She has been asking me is I am ok eventhough we haven't had sex and I said yes, I am fine. She says she really wants to have sex. Should I?? How should I expect her to react??(ie- will it remind her of the last guy, will she be freaked out from flashbacks, Is she gonna be all sad, is she gonna try and hit me??)
I want to do what will help her and she says this will.
Sometimes when I touch her a certain way, she still getf freaked out. I have told her I won't leave her if we don't have sex,that it is the last thing I expect from her right now, but she still wants to have sex. Should I??Please give me some advice!! (thanx!!)
2006-12-17 11:54:57 · update #1
How is she gonna react??
IE-will it remind her of the last guy, will she be freaked out from flashbacks, Is she gonna be all sad, is she gonna try and hit me??
Should I?? I don't want to make things worse for her. I would never have sex with her again if it meant she would be able to get over what happened.
2006-12-17 11:56:51 · update #2
Give her more time. She says she's ready to have sex. So try it. If she freaks out, then immediately stop.
2006-12-17 11:56:56 · answer #1 · answered by Kristy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should insist that will happen only after a minimum of 3 appointments TOGETHER seeing her counselor, with the counselor's recommendation only.You (or any partner of a survivor) are not equipped to handle this on your own.
Consider making one of those appointments for just you and the counselor.
This needs to be handled with the utmost care & sensitivity it sounds like you already posess.
Also, she really needs to read "The Gift Of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. It will empower her to know how to respect her instincts & keep herself safe, vs. walking in an ever deeper fear because of being traumatized. It would be really neat if you read it together.
Another good read is "Armed & Female" by Paxton Quigley. It will be awhile before she can read some of that book, unless you preview it for her, as it has examples from real rape victims & how they stop attempted rapes, but is all too real for a survivor, especially so recent. The bottom line is for a survivor to turn into a thriver by learning the things these books will teach, especially Mr. De Becker's, which I believe should be required reading for every adult in society.
You are on the right track, no reason to rush into anything. Listen to your instincts, follow up with the counselor, and don't let her anxiety re. getting it over with push you both into something she is not ready for.Sex outside the safety of a committed & loving marraiage is inherently risky on every level, something that is all the more true here.
Take the best care of both of you, and I hope your Christmas is blessed-saying some prayers for you both today :)
2006-12-17 20:18:15 · answer #2 · answered by gettin'real 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. She's obviously not ready. If she were, she would not continue to have these problems. It may be that she is afraid of losing you, or even feelings of guilt on her part (like she did something to cause the attack and to make it worse, you haven't been able to have sex with her because of it).
You should get her to talk to her councilor about this. That way, she can have more guidance on determining if and when she is ready.
If she is not ready, even though she says she is, and you choose to have sex, the outcome will be extraordinarily detrimental to the both of you.
It sounds like you are a very supportive boyfriend.
2006-12-17 20:18:12 · answer #3 · answered by GonnaBeAMommy! 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no, you should not have sex with her.
Its very common for rape victems to lose their self confidence and self worth and start to slip into a mindset that tells them the only time someone loves them is when they get to have sex with them.
Pretty soon she starts to believe that all she's good for is sex, and eventaully she'll start sleeping with anyone just to feel loved. And eventually its sex the way the guy wants it, whenever how ever, and next thign she knows she's pregnant... again.
Dont have sex with her. not until you're both older, and she's had a few years to gain her confidence and self worth back again.
Its nothing to mess around with.
2006-12-17 19:57:43 · answer #4 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
ONLY SHE CAN MAKE THAT DESISION BUT IF SHE WANTS TO THEN GO AHEAD BUT TAKE THIS SLOW SHE MAY FREAK OUT SO BE READY TO STOP IF THAT HAPPENS BE SUPORTIVE LET HER DO THE TALKING ABOUT IT DONT EVER BRING UP THE MEMORIES FOR HER JUST BE THERE YOU SEEM TO BE WHAT SHE NEEDS YOUR NOT PUSHING FOR SEX THATS REALLY COOL JUST PLAY IT SAFE
2006-12-17 19:59:22 · answer #5 · answered by ibebarbie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
from experiance i think she will be ok if she wants to have sex then give it to her but dont just **** her,make love to her. yes it might be hard for her but she cant treat u like them. but im sorry for what happened to her and i hope everything will get better for the both of you
2006-12-20 14:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by kylee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure if this is a question u shud ask on Yahoo.
But if i were you i would just give it some time
2006-12-17 19:57:04 · answer #7 · answered by $Will$ 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If she wants to have sex she wants to have sex....you practically said it yourself that she says she wanted to...
~Hugz
2006-12-17 19:56:05 · answer #8 · answered by runner. 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
wait till you're married!
2006-12-17 20:00:26 · answer #9 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
if she wants to, then go ahead. but if not give her time.
hope i helped.
2006-12-17 20:14:30 · answer #10 · answered by (Beautiful Disaster) 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋