My BF has an agreement with his ex about driving their son back and forth for visits.My BF picks him up, the mom comes to get him. My BF picked him up AND dropped him back off twice in a row, being late for work afterwards both times and getting in trouble at work, because the mother refused to come get him. Tonight my BF, a retail manager, cannot leave work, and the mother refuses to come get the kid. He is here at least until tomorow, and will miss school tomorow.My realtionship with the boy, who is 12, but has difficulty getting along with others, including me is not all that good. My BF has been trying to talk me into letting the son move in, I say no. The son has a history of violence, is very defiant, and has a bad attitude, and I just cannot have him move in and I have made this VERY clear to my BF. I am wondering if this having him get "left" here is a ploy for him to move in. My BF did say "I am going to call my atty Monday and say she abandoned him" I doubt it is that simple
2006-12-17 11:50:47 · 18 answers · asked by eastcoastdebra 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I cannot drive the kid home, I have other things going on tonight...and I dont want to get stuck driving all the time like I did before after volunteering once.
2006-12-17 11:51:43 · update #1
No I will NOT drive the kid home.....he has a history of violence and does not listen to me AT ALL. I CANNOT drive him home an hour to an hour and a half away. My BF is at work, and I cannot reach him easily if there is a problem AND I have to work AND final exams starting tomorow, and cannot spend 2-3 hours in the car tonight. My relationship with the son is long story..see my other questions if u want.
2006-12-17 11:59:33 · update #2
When you are in a relationship that envolves children that are not yours it is difficult I know. As far as the child moving in or your b/f wanting him to move in is a situation all on it's own. I got lucky, my step-children are fairly good, as in not violent, and their mother is a bad parent, so i want them to move in. It will not be a simple as he said to get costudy of his son. It could and probably will take a month or two. He has to have proof that she abandoned the child plus that she is a unfit parent. If you have expressed that you do not want the boy in the home permenantly and he still doesn't care about your opinion I would try to stress the importance of your safety(due to the fact that the boy is violent) I wouldn't give him an ultimadium of choosing you or the boy if you really love this guy, because I know most people would choose their kids. I would! I need more info Im me if possible
2006-12-17 12:09:24 · answer #1 · answered by ondike05 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you are experiencing drama that will probably keep up the whole time you are involved with your bf!! The kids don't go away just girlfriends so you make a choice on how important your relationship is to you.. I mean you will either have to give in because that is his son or suggest he get his own apartment so he and his son can be together. That ex is an asshole so those are just the cards you have been dealt.. Play your hand and see where you end up>>
2006-12-17 12:00:46 · answer #2 · answered by Jazzie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sorry to say but the son comes with your boyfriend. What kind of violent behavior and attitude problems is he having? Maybe spending more time with his dad would be a good thing. Custody issues are tricky but you have to be supportive, not say NO WAY can you kid stay here. Look into counseling for the kid too, maybe there is stuff going on at his mom's or he just needs help. You need to open your mind or you will lose your boyfriend as well.
2006-12-17 11:55:14 · answer #3 · answered by Rhode Island Red 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a hard one isn;t it? it would seem that you are getting more than you bargained for. let us dissect this bit by bit and see if we can make some sense of it. you state that your boyfriend and his son's mom have an agreement that when she drops him off, he is suppose to take his son home. but because of the shaky relationship that you have with the son, you do not really want to get involved. well, if you do not take him home, then he will end up staying the night and missing a day of school. i would drive him home and make sure that he went into the house if i had to walk him to the door. by not driving him home, you are kinda like saying well i have hands off. but you can not have hands off because you and your boryfriend live together. so as you pointed out, if you do not take him home, then he spends the night and misses school and will be in the apartment with you both. therefore, untill you sort things out as to how you really feel, just take him home, that way it saves your boyfriend agitation and you are being supportive to both his sone and him. mext i would take some time to sort out my feelings. sit down and quietly think and pray about how you really feel/ Also after you take some time to yourself. take some time to spend time with the son. away from the house, away from the boyfriend, away from mom and school pressures. like go to the mall, get some pizza or something and really talk. you may find that away from all the negative energy you may find something positive in him that you can connect with. i understand. it seems like a lot and you may not want to be involved. but remember. relationships are give and take and maybe if he has been a fairly nice boyfriend you can give. it may really all work out. i would not committ to anything, because you need to give yourself time to digest all of this and get to really know his son. the dynamics of the relationship are going to change. you are going to have to share your boyfriend's time. but look at it this way, you could be helping to save a child. do not put pressure on yourself or your boyfriend. you two take some time to communicate and talk things out every step of the way. make sure that you establish that early on. it will be very hard for the son to then try to split later down the line when you hae established good honest communication. by split i mean the son tell you one thing and tell your boyfriend something else and the boyfriend automatically believe his son over you. uh that is a split. no child is born with a bad attittude. a bad attitude is a result of not having needs met in the early years. now he is acting out because of the issues when he was between the ages of 1 through 7 years old. remember that. you cannot ignore the child and say it is his problem and hope that it will go away, as you can see all that will happen is not he is here until tommorrow. so just think about what i have written. Peace and Blessings, phat beatz
2006-12-17 12:18:31 · answer #4 · answered by PhatBeatz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt it's that simple too. But, I think that maybe if the boy is having problems then it would be a good thing for him to move in with the two of you. Consider that if he had a more stable home, he would do better in school and socially. At this age, a boy really needs his father raising him and showing him how to be a man.
If you have a problem with this, you may not be the woman for your boyfriend. He is responsible to his son first.
2006-12-17 12:01:33 · answer #5 · answered by Vicki B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously knew that your boyfriend had a son when you started dating him.....you should have thought a little harder about getting involved with someone who had a kid if you weren't willing to be a part of that kids life. It's not fair for you to tell your boyfriend that you will not have his son in the house. It's his son, he is your boyfriends responsibility and it sounds like the boy needs help and a stable environment. I understand he has a history of violence,etc...as I said , the kid needs help. Maybe instead of arguing over who's picking him up someone should be talking about getting him in counseling or anger management before you end up having real problems with him later. He's still young enough to change for the better if someone will get him some help and support. Try to be more helpful and supportive of your boyfriend and his relationship with his son.
2006-12-17 12:32:42 · answer #6 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"the kid" is only 12. You write about him like he is some kind of evil being. He's 12. Give the kid a break. His parents split up and his mother doesn't want him. Do you have any idea how horrible that must feel to him? Not to mention he must be getting some vibes from you. If you don't want to take on the responsibility of parenting a child and doing it well and with love, then get another BF.
2006-12-17 11:56:56 · answer #7 · answered by hartfordnavigator 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My sister is going through a similar problem with her Husbands Ex-wife. I think you should let your Boyfriend know that if his son moves in he moves in with rules #1 he respects you as he would his MoM. Your Boyfriend should sit him down and have a serious talk with him and let him know that you are an important part of his life a 12yr old should be able to understand this. I think moving in with you guys would be best for the child as you can see his MoM cares nothing about his Education she is making him miss school for no apparent reason!! I hope this all turns out well for you Guys do not be taken advantage of!! Good Luck!!
2006-12-17 12:03:24 · answer #8 · answered by soniablade914 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u should not have gottne into a relationship with this guy, if you didnt plan on being a "mom" to his kid. Maybe the boy acts up, because he needs love and attention, that obviosly his own mother is not giving him. Try it out, let him move in, it may be a very rewarding experience, if at all, at least you show you are being fair by giving it a shot
2006-12-17 11:54:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
it is not up to you for his son to move in. It is his son, his family and you should not get between them. A boy needs his father and maybe you are just jealous of their relationship. Problem child or not, you need to let him move in and just work on getting his attitude straight...ever think his attitude may be because he isnt around his father enough? I'll bet it would change if he was living there..poor kid
2006-12-17 11:55:12 · answer #10 · answered by kristina43 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋