i just feel,that im not in love anymore with my husband.everytime he tells me that he loves me,i say it back, but i honestly dont mean it.i feel,that i want to be with someone who can give me the love and passion i deserve.my husband,he was abusive,for a while,he stoped and now is trying to make it up to me.but i just stoped loving him.and agreed to work things out,because we have children,that love him.but,sometimes i fantasize about being with someone,who will love me,and lust for me.am i going crazy or what?
2006-12-17 11:37:57 · 5 answers · asked by super girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I bet that your husband doesn't pay as much attention to you anymore. He probably has an activity that he does that doesn't include you and when you want him to care about the things that are important to you, he seems very indifferent. I think this happens in most marriages and when you hear a spouse say they no longer love, it is usually because they feel neglected. I know because that is what happened in my marriage and after talking with some of my "divorced friends", most of them quote the disconnect that is nothing more than neglect.
You shouldn't accept abuse for the sake of your children and you need to have some peace. You say he has change but did he seek help for his abusive ways? If he did then I say that you might seek help for yourself because believe it or not your marriage is salvagable.
As for fantasizing that is human nature whether you are in a happy marriage or not. I don't think you are crazy, I just think that you and your husband need to find answers. You say you don't love but I ask if you could reconnect with him on some level, would you?? I say don't give up on him unless he is not putting out the effort. There are a lot of people on Answers who think that divorce is a solution to marital problems. The truth is that you can't let emotion and fantasy become your reality. Dig hard for the answers you seek and see if your husband is willing to go to counseling. If he loves you like he says he does, you might reconnect with him emotionally. There are no guarentees but you owe it to yourself, not your children, to atleast explore true options.
Good Luck and prayer never hurts.
2006-12-17 12:11:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not crazy!!!! It will be hard, but you can work it out. Above all he should be in counseling to porve that he is truly sorry for the abuse and is committed to NEVER doing that again. He must make you FEEL loved he can't just say to you that he loves you. He mst show it. Try to find little things right now that you appreciate about him. Is he a good father? Is he a hrad worker? Tell him that you need to be seduced. Tell him that you need to feel wanted. Start with little things and hopefully they can grow into big things and the love you had at one time will hopefully come back. Marriage is work, not a fairy tale.
2006-12-17 11:44:58 · answer #2 · answered by hockey2525 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not going crazy. Because your husband was abusive ...you built this barrier around yourself and it's totally natural to fall out of love with someone. I understand that you are staying with him for your kids sake but in reality...they soon are going to sense your feelings towards your husband. If you really want this relationship to work, you need to find forgiveness for your husband because that's the only way you can let him back inside your heart. But be VERY careful....many men who abuse their wives or girlfriends tend to relapse. If you feel that you don't love him and that the ONLY reason your staying in the relationship is for your children...you really need to rethink everything. A loveless marriage is worse on your kids than separated parents that show them love.
Just make sure that when you do make your decision, you stick by it and be strong.
2006-12-17 11:52:12 · answer #3 · answered by Just Helpin Out 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT STAY TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS!!! They will grow up to think that they are only worth staying in a loveless relationship, too. The boys will think women aren't supposed to be warm and affectionate to them. The girls will grow up to think they do not deserve to be active partners with passion for life.
If you are not in love with him and do not see yourself truly forgiving him and moving forward in your relationship then you need to at least separate and see what the next step should be.
If you love him, care about him and think that with a lot of time and proven behavior changes he can be the attentive, loving husband you once knew, then you owe it to yourself to give it a try. If you are proceeding in the marriage without any form of couceling, please seek councelling or support group. You can over come this if you are both invested in your relationship and making it better.
Kids are much more resilient than we give them credit for being. Kids should see both of their parents happy----and sometimes that means that the parents cannot be together. Just make sure that you and your husband speak to the kids together about the divorce and its reasons (at age appropriate levels) and that neither of you bad mouth the other. The kids will adjust well if you as parents make it a smooth transition as possible.
If you are committed to making it work with your husband then you will need to bring back the spark and excitement of when you first met and were attracted to each other. Write love notes in his lunch. Leave him sexxxy text messages/emails. but not too explicit, leave something to his imagination. Tell him to his face that you are glad you are still together and that you value how committed he is to showing love not violence to you. He can't expect that v word to never surface again....he needs to own his actions, acknowledge them and that he has changed and move on. oprah's website has great info on this, too.
you need to do some soul searching to figure out where it is you want to be....then its up to you to communicate it.....then its up to you to take action.....see a pattern here? Its your decision and you have to live with the decision and its consequences so make sure it is the right decision from your heart.
2006-12-17 11:53:17 · answer #4 · answered by j05gemini 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no youre not crazy ,, sad but itihappens all choices are difficult from here , you can learn to love him . where as once you fell in love with him
2006-12-17 12:26:49 · answer #5 · answered by jac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋