How to end this so-called marriage?

Question

Hello everybody--boy do I need your help. Well to start off-I am a married mother of 5 children. I have 3 children with my husband and 2 older children from my first marriage. My husband now tries to separate our kids by identifying them as your kids and "my kids"-I have been supporting all 7 of us for the last 2 yrs and before then I supported 5 of us. See he quits every job he's gotten and I'm tired. He don't drive-I do-even when I had pneumonia-when he does work, he buys games like an X box and blows it in other ways. I can count on one hand and have 3 fingers left of how many times he's payed a bill completely. The only reason why he's still here is because it kills me to see the kids crying for him and I also know that he can't take care of himself out in the world--help me because I have started having conversations with my ex. Please help me--he really does help with our children, but I need someone for me-and no I am not in love with him at all and I've told him.

Answer 1

Thats a real mess, if you get married again, don't rush and make sure the guy is right. Didn't you see this coming? I doubt this guy had a steady job and just changed overnight.

Answer 2

I'm just curious as to what you must have seen in this guy to have two children with him????? much less consider him as husband material. No job??? Not working???? HMMMM.... foreign to me, sweetie....

Let's start from the beginning: What is marriage??? I think it is admiration, respect, passion and trust, with a whole lot of lovies, compassion, contentment, helping, kind words, doing chores, and tons of other goodies. The real biggies here are the first four. You have none of these for him, by your own admission. So, hon, you have a babysitter. Is that good enough? You're bringing home all the $$$, and doing all the house stuff too. What is he?? A sperm donor for two kids. Sounds like you're on the short end here, hon.

You end this marriage by finding an attorney, and getting a divorce, hon. If you two can agree prior to filing on how your stuff should be split, you can use a mediating attorney, the cost then is anywhere from $75-300. If you each have an attorney, it is in an adversarial position, and it could cost $3000-46000 each.

Answer 3

Bad situation. Have you all tried talking to each other alone? Communicate about finances? Have you all tried marriage counseling? I could imagine this can be a tough situation to be in especially since you no longer love him. My dear, I think you need to put your foot, and everything else down about him paying the bills. Let him know he is the MAN of the house and he needs to help pay bills in the full amount. This is so unfair to you. It seems like you are raising 6 kids since he like to blow his money up on games instead of paying bills first. Honey, let him know that you are serious about ending the marriage because of you are tired of paying all of the bills and his separating the children. Another issue is those kids are "you all kids" let him know that it is hurtful to you (and probably the kids) to separate them from their sibilings. That is not cool. I understand the children will be hurt if you all decide to part but why allow the children to grow up in a dysfunctional home where they see their parents are not loving each other and the father separates them from one another (my kids, your kids). So not fair. If I were you, I would leave the ex out for now. You have a lot going on and to include a 3rd party will lead to a lot of drama. Get home straight first because bringing another man into the picture will cause the children to be more confuse and possibly angry at you.

Answer 4

Im positive you know already what you have to do here. Youre not happy and arent going anywhere in this marriage and since you dont love him anyway,then time has come to call it quits and probably move back to your ex if hes willing to take on the bunch. Since this guy appears to be a dead beat theres probably not much use in going after support from him so take the custody award and let him have visitation rights to remain in the kids lives only and start over with your ex with the understanding that he doesnt interefere with your family. Things in life doesnt always turn out the way we want but life goes on. Do whats best for the kids first then you. He will survive and find a way to make it. So file for the divorce and work out the details with him, since you know he wont take the first step. Good luck and Merry Christmas

Answer 5

First of all it isn't fair for you to be talking with the ex while still married unless it is about the children, another he should be man enough to at least help with the family bills. If he chooses to buy games and other foolish things then you need to sit him down tonight and tell him he has one chance to change or else he is out. Now, about him being able to support his self who cares he is a grown man. The children will adjust to him not there. It may take time but never live your life due to someone elses ways. If you truely if you can't ever love him again, which you need to at least give it a try, before making a hasty decision then leave, but not for the ex. Your reasons for him should be enough to stop you there. Find yourself before being with a man again. I wish you luck. Plus, please wait unless after the holidays to make any kind of move.

Answer 6

Just tell him to get out and stay strong. I know it hurts when the kids are crying for him but theyll get over it eventually. As far as him making it he will. The kids will be way happier when they see that their moms happy. Plus, mabey you can find a man that will help you pay some of them bills. If that was to happen you wouldnt have to work so much and could spend more time with your kids. Good luck

Answer 7

Don't stay for the sake of the kids ,it doesn't work and the kids will pick up on the atmosphere.The kids will be upset at first but they adjust really quick and once they feel your happy and content they will calm down too.It can be done with kids ,to walk away and start again,its hard but it can be done.Do you really want to waste anymore of your life with a waster and do you want your kids to grow up thinking his behaviour is the norm.Do it for you and your kids start afresh and leave him with his xbox,people like him think you will always be there regardless because quite often women fall into a rut when kids are involved..
good luck

Answer 8

Oh gosh girl! Boy I'm glad I ain't in your situation. Hmmmm.. well all I can say is that if you ain't happy then you need to do whatever to make yourself happy. Girl you have 5 kids AND you supporting your husband too. How do you do it??? Get out of that now.... cause it seems like he;s just gonna keep taking advantage of the fact that you are continuing to support his lazy a$$. Especially since you state that you are not in love with him at all. You're just torturing yourself and staying with someone you don't even want to be with. Leave and make yourself happy girl... you deserve it!!

Answer 9

It is not good for your children if you are unhappy. Also, by his dividing the family, he is also causing emotional damage. Since you are the breadwinner and can support the children, leave him. There is no reason why he still can't see his children but on neutral ground. Hopefully your emotional needs will be met when you don't have to worry about him. He is not one of your children, allow him to grow up - he will make it if he has to. By being a co-dependant, you are adding to the problem, not allowing him to solve it.

Answer 10

Your kids are going to want their father, but you are teaching them to neglect themselves by staying where there is no love being given to you. We get too wrapped up in keeping an ideal world in our kids minds but we are lying to them and they grow up unable to deal with how life really is. If you stay where you are not being loved you will hurt them more than you can ever imagine. The won't see it yet, but we have to make tough decisions in order for the right experiences and opportunities to come our way. I had an ex like that and I did leave. I had all kinds of excuses for not leaving and one of them was that he could not take care of himself, but I realized I wasn't helping him learn how to by taking care of him myself. Just like your kids will have to stand up on their own so does he and you should do what is best for you. Your kids will grow up and move on but it will be you with the miserable heart even once they are gone. Self love is the greatest love you can give to anyone. Do not allow any of your decisions in life to be made without the foundation being Self Love First!