I will be 36 yrs old soon - I am African American/independent/I've been told I am a very attractive woman/Have my own "stuff"/no kids/good job.
Problem is that I worry sometimes that I will never marry; I am trying desperately not to panic! But it is hard as heck sometimes!!!!
I've done alittle online dating for the last 5 years - they've mainly all been jerks - I mean really disrespectful jerks!! I don't particularly want kids so that's not an issue. And don't get me started on how it feels to see some out of shape, poor, uneducated mother of TEN get married to prince charming! Just keepin it real!
What is so perplexing to me is that I hear people say all the time that it will happen when I "least expect it", but I don't know how to NOT expect it. The marriage rate for Blacks is terrible!! Statically, my chances would be better if I were white woman. I guess my question is - has anyone ever felt this way?
2006-12-17 10:44:28 · 9 answers · asked by Cutie girl 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
please don't misunderstnd. I am not being judgmental to other less fortunate women. But we are (I was) taught to keep yourself up, have something going for yourself, be an asset to him not a liabilty. It is amazing to see someone who won't even comb her hair half right with a good man. ....AND just FYI, COLOR IS an issue. If you can't understand this now, no disrespect, but you probably never will
2006-12-17 11:27:28 · update #1
just like you are wondering were is your prince charming i am wondering were is my Cinderella
2006-12-17 11:09:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You know my sister is 46 and she has been dating a black guy who si 40 for 5 years (on and off). He wants to get married but he wants kids and she believes he thinks she is too old to have children. She does know that he is not ready for marriage. So, yes, I know how you feel from how she is feeling and how I felt when I divorced my first husband.
I dated on and off for 5 years. The guy that said you have to not have that desperation about you is right. I remember being in Atlanta with my sister and we used to go to all the right places looking for our Prince Charming and he was not there, trust me. Remember, those men have agendas too and sometimes that's all they think about is THEIR agenda. :)
Here's what worked for me because people kept telling me "when you least expect it, it will happen..." - stop expecting it. I had a hard time NOT looking at every date and asking myself, "Is he the one?" Like the one guy said, relax, have some fun; that's when you will "not expect it." I was in a relationship that just wasn't going to work and I had to let Mr. Man go. It was hard because I needed to be loved so much, it hurt. Well, I had to face it - what he was showing, was not love. So, I let go and I said, okay, no more of this stuff - I'm going to have fun. The next guy I met was my future husband and I didn't even know it. I didn't even think it. I just knew I liked talking to him. There was never any pressure and neither of us had an agenda.
It'll happen...just relax and have fun. :) You'll see.
P.S. Most importantly, don't give up. Subconsciously, if you give up, the "senses" will know it and it won't happen. Believe it; you'll achieve it!
P.P.S. Also...Prince Charming is here...looking for Cinderella. :)
2006-12-17 12:55:06 · answer #2 · answered by terryoulboub 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Statistically you will not get married.. Individually you might. Men have a radar that senses desperation and run in the opposite direction (Some women do too.). Enjoy your Independence. Stop looking for your other half and find the whole you. There are whole men out there. The fact that you say you don't know how to NOT expect it tells me you are looking too hard and chasing potential mates off. Relax, if it happens it happens, if not you will keep living and the sun will rise in the morning.
2006-12-17 11:02:12 · answer #3 · answered by cece 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a 37 years old women, not married, have a great job, and have no children and I am very happy. Most black men nowadays-- with the porn industry getting the upper hand on the internet-- are only concerned with women who look like barbie and are white and blonde with big breasts. If do not have any of those qualities you can forget about having any relationships with a good man (boys).
2006-12-17 13:28:22 · answer #4 · answered by Angela G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This makes me scared too that I might never get married, I'm 16 rigth now. My mom said had told me don't wait for a the "Perfect Black Man" all you life, wait fopr the Perfect man no matter what his color.Don't worry there will be a guy for you coming soon go out clubbing or to a coffe shop there's always men there.
2006-12-17 21:44:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, but do you limit who you will date to just black men? If so, open your horizons. I know your black friends will have something to say, but do those friend go home to an empty house everyday and often feel lonely? Don't let others determine your happiness.
I know as a smart black women, no matter how smart I will ever be, no matter how witty I will ever be, no matter how beautiful I will ever be...I am always going to be 20 steps behind a white women, but that is not going to stop me and you should not let it stop you!!!!
In the bottom of my heart I know there is a man out there for me and even if he is only in my life for a season...it will be well worth it!!!! Even if I have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet him!!!
Good luck!
2006-12-17 11:00:47 · answer #6 · answered by BritLdy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really understand where you coming from. Although my personal situation is different than yours, you name it I've tried it as far as dating. I'm afraid there are alot of dishonest people out there. I'm a guy and I have to admit alot of jerks. I'm sure between the 2 of us we could .fill a stadium with them....lol ....I think you need to start having some fun in your life with or without a man.Fun people attract other fun people... I'll skip the rest of the pep talk ... never did anything for me and I'm sure you have heard it before...
Merry Christmas
PS not being sarcastic... I know christmas can be a b*tch when your single
2006-12-17 11:15:55 · answer #7 · answered by CJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's what I find to be the problem amongst many Black woman that complain about not being able to find a man--they REFUSE to date outside of their race. They will stick to dating ONLY black men to the very end even if it means they die alone. There are many other possibilities out there besides black men. Now, I'm not saying anything against black men, nor am I saying not to date them...just date other people too that are non-black. If you open your options and your mind more, then you'll be more likely to find a mate whatever race he turns out to be.
2006-12-18 04:06:26 · answer #8 · answered by CarribeanSpice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no worries, maybe what you re attracted to is completely wrong for you? i mean no offense, but if you re searching online, the criteria you're listing isn't indicative of what you deserve. plus, most men are afraid of a strong woman. they feel unnecessary when a woman can provide for herself, and in cases, for them as well.
i don't have any advice to give you on finding Mr. Right or anything, just guys put up this front that everything's OK when it's really not. if you can dissolve the uneasiness a guy feels when you're triplin his meager paycheck, than you're on your way.
good luck!
2006-12-17 10:54:52 · answer #9 · answered by robyoung3484 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋