This guy has been cheating on his wife of 18 years for 2 years. She knew about the affair for part of the time but now thinks he has stopped. He spends a lot of time at home and they have good days and bad ones. She feels as though he is "just going through the motions". She also says that they have grown apart and want different things in life.
The guy feels bad for what has happened and wants to go home. He says he doesn't think he can. He also says that he enjoys spending time with the other woman and doesn't want her to move away from him. Does he really want to work things out, if he can't get rid of the mistress?
So, the wife can't decide to let her husband go. The husband wants to go home but can't end things with his mistress. The mistress knows what is going on, but chooses to stay in the relationship. No one can decide what to do and someone is going to get hurt.
What is wrong with these people?
2006-12-17 10:26:34 · 19 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Total nuts ! The whole " can't decide to stay in relationship or go " ( married relationship ) falls on a issue of safety. The relationship that they have now ( married couple ) is a " safe" relationship....known quantities, values etc....the mistress relationship is fun exciting etc.....BUT...a long term relationship with Her...that's scarey...don't know what will happen and if they will " make" it etc. Somebody ...( I'd say the wife that was cheated on ) needs to assert themselves and say ..enough is enough.......and end this crap and get on with life.
2006-12-17 10:34:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are all very immature and because of it they have created a big mess. There is no way to resolve this issue without someone getting hurt. The husband and wife need to sit down with each other and openly discuss what is going on and their feelings about it. They should decide what they want without concern for the mistress. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but she knew what she was getting into. The husband and wife either need to decide to split or to commit to making their marriage work. Once they make that decision the answer will be clear to the mistress and she can then either move on or be free to start a relationship with the husband. If they decide to commit to the marriage then all contact with the mistress has to be stopped completely. I have friends going through the same thing right now.
2006-12-17 11:37:49 · answer #2 · answered by hockey2525 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...this is just bad.
The guy needs to let things go with the mistress, whether he's going to miss her or not. He made a vow to his wife 18 years ago and should try to work on his marriage. If the marriage doesn't work out, then maybe in the future, WAY in the future after the the divorce is final and the married couple has closure, the guy can see the mistress.
In my opinion, any woman willingly interjecting herself in a relationship with a married man and willingly being a "homewrecker" is not the kind of person that would be in it for the long run, or even a good enough person to leave a wife for.
The wife should figure out what she wants and decide whether or not the marriage is worth saving. If not, then the married couple should maybe go to counseling just to give it one last shot...and if it doesn't work, then get divorced. Are kids involved? If so, then the married couple has even more of a reason to try and work things out.
People don't take their marriage vows seriously anymore, it's very sad... I'm not pro-divorce, I'm pro- the wife not getting cheated on and hurt.
2006-12-17 10:32:27 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs.H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fool is the wife because she is taking all of this crap-the husband have his cake and he is eating it to-if he wanted to do the right thing he would have done it a long time ago he like the way things are going-he have the best of both worlds-he don't feel to bad he is still doing it-no he don't want to work things out-if he did it would not matter to him if the other woman left or not-if the wife can't decide if she want to let the husband go are not than he need to continue to rub her nose in s--t-when she get enough she will leave-there is nothing wrong with him it is the wife-it is OK to be some dumb-but not plum dumb behind a pair pants-husband are not.
2006-12-17 10:41:14 · answer #4 · answered by brown sugar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lucky guy... he has two doormats. He is able to stay with which ever one he wants, whenever he wants. Makes life lovely, to only be with someone on their good days... because you know he's not hanging around the one having a bad one! By allowing him to float back and forth, the women are enabling him to be indecisive about what his issues truly are. He is not having to do anything put enjoy the pleasantries of two women on a part time basis., and he never has to worry about being alone. There is no doubt that someone is going to get hurt... chances are, it's already happened.
2006-12-17 11:27:39 · answer #5 · answered by frogsandweeniedogs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the person who is most at fault is the husband; moreso than the mistress. The mistress is his pawn and his wife, is well, his victim. They both think they can have him, they both think that he will leave one of them for the other. They are most likely women who don't believe there are better men for them. That is how I see it. I don't think the husband wants to work things out with his wife, if he did, he'd most likely drop the mistress and FOCUS on his marriage.
2006-12-17 10:42:47 · answer #6 · answered by purringout 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These people are already hurting. You're right; it is a mess. The man needs to get off the fence and decide what he wants. He's trying to have it both ways and as a result, two women whom he claims to care for are hurting. How selfish. He needs smacked in the face with a dose of reality.
2006-12-17 10:36:10 · answer #7 · answered by rtanys 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The husband wants his cake and eat it too.
The wife is trying to hold on to the life and commitment she has made.
And the mistress is the same selfish ***** she was when she started dating the married man and she is hoping he will leave the wife and be with her. God bless****
2006-12-17 10:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it may be a ego boost for him .. i know a couple like that and the man wont change even if he got rid of this girl there will be another to take her place i feel sorry for both him and his wife and yes the other women too she is living on a hope and dream that may never come true it is so sad what some men or women will do to have their cake and eat it too
2006-12-17 10:35:21 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the problem is they are both bored with their marriage,, dont you remember how exciting it is to have a new love, new relationship, where you are learning about the person, excited to see them,,
it is a bit different after 18 years of butt scratching, burping and farting,
sounds like if they want to save the marriage, they need to go back to square one and remember what they loved about seeing each other in the beginning and get back to it,
2006-12-17 10:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by rich2481 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋