Here's a senario. If you were in a good marriage... a marriage where you loved your mate very much and he/she felt the same... knowing that you both would always be together. And one night your mate made a stupid mistake, and because alcohol was involved, got caught up in a situation where he/she slipped up and ended up kissing someone... something that you know he/she would never do sober. Would you want to know about it? Is it worth confessing? Or would you rather him/her not tell you and leave it behind?
2006-12-17 10:22:42 · 20 answers · asked by ezlayedback 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thats a hard one. If there was no way you would find out, then I would let sleeping dogs lie.......it was a mistake when drunk, it happens. If it was me and I made the mistake, I think I would tell you because I would hate to think someone else may tell you which would make you doubt me even more. If you know you love each other exactly the same and you are soul mates, then it would hurt me probably more than my husband by keeping it a secret from him. I would feel absolutely horrible and I would be doing everything to make it up to him and show him just how much I did, in fact, love him, and the kiss was just a stupid mistake. If your love is strong, then it will be easy to get past this stupid mistake. We all make them at some time in our life...thats the reality..
2006-12-17 10:31:12 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be concerned, and would want to talk about it. If I'm wildly in love with my mate, I wouldn't end up kissing someone else, even under the influence of alcohol. I'm suspicious of the circumstances that would put two people together alone under the influence of alcohol when there's a committed relationship to be considered. It calls into serious question the person's good judgment and commitment to the relationship.
2006-12-17 18:29:50 · answer #2 · answered by wynterwood 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you do have a communicative, trusting relationship I feel it can be shared and discussed. Then, will not weigh so much on their guilt. It will allow the air to be clear and both leave it in the past as something to be very careful of it the future. I do not like secrets between each other. How about you?
2006-12-17 18:30:36 · answer #3 · answered by strong1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it were me, I would want to know. I would be very hurt and angry, but I would respect the honesty. It would however take time for the trust to be earned back, but I would not end the marriage over a one time mistake. That's just me though.
2006-12-17 20:56:45 · answer #4 · answered by Cannuck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello....:)
We are, none of us, perfect.
One must always realize that, and not become deluded into thinking otherwise.
Alcohol doesn't change the fact that it was a mistake, however....
It wouldn't really be a big issue to me, if my mate did that.....and since that is the case, I would rather be spared the emotional "intensity" of knowing.
A lie (spelled omission here) to spare someone's feelings is not always a bad thing.
Namaste,
--Tom
2006-12-17 18:36:04 · answer #5 · answered by glassnegman 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would want to know about it. It doesn't mean I would be upset about it. That is were the honesty of the good marriage comes in. If I found out from someone else I might be a little irked only because it wasn't you that told me.
2006-12-17 18:29:06 · answer #6 · answered by angel68769603 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave it behind mate. I've been together with my bride for only 27 years now, and with 7 beautiful little daughters in our little brood, each one the spittin' image of her ma, and the apple of me eye, I still can't believe their mum took me on as her mate, much less gave me those 7 little gifts from God.
Shes seen us through some lean times she has, and shes patiently and lovingly chopped a lot of bark off of me over the years, and helped me become a proper human being that not just me little darlings could be dead proud of, but myself as well.
And every day she done it with love she did, and not to change me - but to help me be a better man she says, the man she always knew I could be, without losing the man she fell in love with, that man she married. Now how do you like that ? She's a pip that one.is.
So when she does take a pint once and again with me down to the public house, and she not be one to drink more than one draft all the night long, ' fore shes no more that a girl herself, a tiny one is that one, and Rollie the 'keep he treats her to more than a few 'o them little dainty glasses of honey wine she does like, and she turns the floor with young Alex the miller's son, and she rewards the lad with a kiss right on the yap, and the whole house cheers, and the lad puttin near dies of embarrisment at the kiss from a lady - and she laughs and kisses him again - and with that he runs out into the night - and then the whole house really explodes - well what's the harm? My Mary kissed a Boy with a crush on her and the whole Public House howles for more and has a good laugh at his expense - including me, ( no she dinna see me) - but if she had I think she would have given me one of her sly little pixie winks, and shy smiles, and then I would be the one to blush - cause that's how them daugthers of ours get started ya see. So put it down to the drink man, and let it be. Sounds like you should wake up every day, and thank God for how lucky you are to have her as your mate.
Drop the jealous feelings - she's with you mate, (and don't tell me some chippie in a some clinngy little bit of nothing with big headlights, and a tight little bum hasn't stirred you imagination in a fantasy or two of what you like to do with that. Do you want to confess that to her? I don't think so.
We are people mate - we are all fallible - we all make mistakes, a little thing that the good Lord gave us called "Free Will". We're not perfect, we sin, some a little -like me little angels, and others like their Daddy who was a sinner through and through before he met their ma. People can do stupid things on the spur of the moment that they regret even as they are doing them, I think they call that "Human Nature" or "Destructive Behavoir", so don't over think this man. Sounds like she was corked, and probably was'nt herself, the booze loosened he inhibitions and she was feeling a little silly, and she smooched someone - hell it could have been a girl for all she knew. - Boy wouldn't that have put a real twist in your shorts? You're reading too much into this I think.
It's simple - If you love her - trust her. If you can't shake this kind of reaction and suspicion,- like if the next time she's late - and forgot to call - will you think she's having an affair? Maybe you need to talk to a professioinal before you loose this woman, this woman who just might be your soul mate. Good Luck with all this.
I'm pulling for you.
2006-12-17 19:27:46 · answer #7 · answered by jtrall25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell, I could not live with the guilt. And then I would also understand that I can not handle my liguor. Liquor is never an excuse for anything. So, if I could not handle my liquor, I surely would not be drinking anymore. May have some tendencies to becoming an alcoholic. God bless****
2006-12-17 18:27:27 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well its a shitty situation, and as much as i believe in love i also believe that sometimes love just aint enough. this situation is a tough one to call because considering how you set it up there has to be leway given for the fact that "he/she loves the other soooo much, and it would never happen again... andblah blah blah... with all the typical things that cheaters say"
so in one sense i say don't tell because it causes a bunch of hurt, but i think that I would want to know because it happened for a reason... and not one that i would tolerate in my marriage.
2006-12-17 18:48:45 · answer #9 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say fess up. To tell the truth makes you stronger and more respected. not to say anything is the same as a lie and every lie is eventuly caught but never expected. then the distrust just grows from there
2006-12-17 19:11:55 · answer #10 · answered by mistymayv51 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋