What should I say or do my ex's fiance died?

Question

My ex we ended on good terms fiance died last week. We work together and see each other. I am married. I still care for my ex how do I say that I am there, but not get my husband upset.

I have told him that I am here.

My ex is not the one that died. His fiance.

My ex and I were together when my husband and I met. We all wrok at the same place and same shift. My husband and I are great. But he only got with his fiance when I broke it off to be with my husband. We dated off and on for 3.5 years.

Answer 1

You've got two options:
- Don't discuss it with your husband if you're afraid of upsetting him and offer condolences to your ex. This approach is most casual but might backfire if your ex calls for a soul-soothing conversation.
- Mention the situation to your husband and say that since you and your ex are still friends you'd like to let him know that you're there for him. Ask your husband for advice as for how to do it best thus incuding him in the situation.

Answer 2

This really sucks and is very difficult. Your clearly still in love with your ex. However ya'll have hurt each other in ways that are emotional and will always have some type of barrier for some time. Its hard to let her go. She hopely learned from you so when a another nice man comes along she will do him right. / As for you this new girlfriend may be rubbing you in a good way because you've said the way your ex seems to be different that means your slowly drifting away. Everything will work out./ Plus its not nice with your new girlfriend your holding back she can feel that and its just a messed up situation. Don't be with our girlfriend just because you don't want to do her wrong because you were done wrong. Follow your heart for the most part. Just let your brain do some of that work too.. HOpe this helps.

Answer 3

You are married, leave your ex alone, it's none of your business that his fiance died, leave him alone & let him cope with it on his own, he will get support from his family. You should be worrying about your life & your husband. even though you still care for your ex, i think you should move on & forget about him, keeping ex's in your life (even just as a friend) will cause trouble in your marriage someday. Since you work with him, the next time you see him & you end up talking to him, just say "sorry for your loss" and that's it! do nothing else. why do you need to comfort him? don't even say that "because he's a friend", i'm telling you, it will make your husband uncomfortable with you keeping in contact with your ex. what kind of a wife are you? don't you know your not even suppose to have any guy friends? what the hell is wrong with you? i know that if i did that, my husband would feel awkward. You should have some respect for your husband, otherwise you should'nt be married to him. in trying to comfort your ex, your making yourself look like you still have feelings for him. if that's the case, then you might as well be divorced.

Answer 4

I would tell them your sorry , but of course beyond the workplace would not be proper.

Addition ;

What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive , your doing neither man any justice here and your not going to have them both and get away with it . My guess is you now want the ex back and are ready to pounce on the opportunity , if not your husband will see it that way for sure. Definitely a bad judgement call you should find work elsewhere now !

Answer 5

That depends. Is your husband the jealous, posessive type? Has he had reason to mistrust you in the past? You might try including your husband in this attempt to reach out to your ex. By presenting yourselves as a united interest, it would be clear to everyone involved that your heart belongs to your husband, but you still have compassion for your ex and wish to offer some emotional support.

Answer 6

Be very careful as he will be grieving and very vulnerable. If you still care about him, then it would be very easy to get too involved. Care about your ex sure, but dont get too close or you could risk your marriage. It will be hard for you to do, but the last thing you should say to him is that you will be there for him because like I said he will be vulnerable and you are putting yourself in a very tricky situation. Maybe the best idea is when you see him at work, give him a hug and say you are sorry for his loss, then walk away. You need to acknowledge his loss, but thats all. You are married now, happily, I assume, so dont risk it be being his "shoulder to cry on".

Answer 7

If your husband trusts you then he would understand that your ex may just need a friend right now especially one that knows him like you probably do. If your husband loves you and has no reason to doubt your love for him he would not care.

Answer 8

I am sure your husband will understand if you just go to your exs funeral and send a letter or card to his family that you are thinking about them.

Answer 9

Send a card but be careful because he will want to transfer his emotions to you if you stay too close to him. He will be serching for "somebody" to heal him. If you are happily married now you may be drawn into a situation your husband may not approve of.

Answer 10

that's a tough one. i would explain to your husband that your ex's fiance passed away and you are going to send flowers, and go to the funeral and that you would appreciate it if he came with you for support.