is she a real friend?

Question

she is my best mate,well i thought she was.every time she gets a man she ditches me n wen it all falls apart ive got 2 pick up the pieces
everything seems to be my fault even if i wasnt there.
she gets jealous if i go out with other people.and i can never keep a boyfriend for longer than a few months coz she seems to scare them off.she doesnt like me spending time with other people except her.but if shes got a boyfriend i just except it coz i mite not here from her for a few days or weeks but she soon comes crawling back wen it all goes wrong
even my other friends and work mates (we work together) are noticing how crap she treats me.thats not a good sign is it.
ive noticed that shes started taking me for granted
i cant ask advice of my friends coz they have been telling me to ditch her for a while now and have said that there not gettin involved.
is it time to walk away?
i feel guilty coz i am her only friend, shes lost all th others from being so selfabsorbed
what shall i do?

Answer 1

No, she is not a true friend, she is a user

Move on
.

Answer 2

Despite everything, and 'everything' points to her not being a trustworthy reliable friend, if you enjoy her company and you benefit in some way from being with her - and you must, or you wouldn't keep the friendship going - then she is a friend 'of sorts' - maybe not a 'best friend' but a friend you wish to keep, for reasons known only to you.

Perhaps, if you are not satisfied with how things are going, you need to put her On the Long Finger - not drop her - just not rely on her so much, and not allow her to rely on you so much.

Something important you say towards the end of your question - you feel 'guilty' because you are her only friend. You need to think inside yourself why you should feel guilty for something like that - are you feeding each other something emotional you both need - is there a hook in you she is hanging onto, a button she presses in you to satisfy your need to feel guilty? Or needed? Do you feel needed or wanted as much by anyone else? If you never saw her again, what you would miss most?

Human beings and their needs are complex....maybe you get more out of the relationship than you think.

You can always tell her what you've just told the world, and see what happens.

Growing up and forming/storming relationships is tough...good luck.

Answer 3

Stop feeling guilty. It is not your fault she has no other friends - look how she treats people - she probably treats her boyfriends the same way, which is why they ditch her.

Have your time alone with boyfriends, or if you go with other friends as well, make sure it is with people you get along with and have a good evening.

Just think to yourself would you like her if you only just met her? You should have control of your own life, and it wont happen if you allow her to carry on like this. Cut all ties from her, and move forward. This friendship has run it's course.

Answer 4

do the right thing and support her. True friends stay around no matter what the situation. You are the only person she has to talk to when things go belly-up and I think if you went away from her then she might get lost in herself and have a very hard time getting herself back on track.

If you feel that strongly about it then sit her down, and lay out the ground rules and tell her you want to be more than a crying stop to her.

Good luck

Answer 5

She's really needy but you need to point out a few truths to her. Just happen to NOT be there when she next falls apart. You'll be busy with the "other" good pals you've made whilst she was dating Mr. HotStuff.
She's simply using you as an emotional springboard. You are the shoulder to cry on and you are the person to abuse when HER life isn't going smoothly. Start to move away, make new friends and be "less available" until she starts to appreciate you more.

Answer 6

She sounds very insecure, you are her rock! Make a point of taking her out with all your other mates and if she is still making you unhappy then tell her how you feel, she will probably be unaware she is treating you this way. I had a friend like this once and by telling her how I felt and making sure she was involved in my circle of friends, she almost changed overnight.

Answer 7

i dont think she realises what shes doing. i think subconsciencely she does appreciate you- which is why she talks to you when she breaks up with her bf- she just has a worped way of showing it. how long have you been friends, that might have somthing to do with it. maybe she feels comfortable around you, so comfortable she thinks that the fact that she appreciates you is implied. you have to set her straight. dont get out of control and cause a major argument, just talk to her one day when she gets all touchy about you having other friends. say, "i never complain when you go with your boyfriends and ditch me. just because i hang out with other people doesnt mean i like you any less..." or something to that effect.

you also have to tell her bluntly that you think she should start treating you better.

good luck and merry christmas xx

Answer 8

It sounds to me like she is not a good friend. She is taking advantage of you and bringing you down. You need to get rid of her before she becomes more obsessed. There is a reason why she has no friends and maybe you need to consider that. If she can run a boyfriend off then she can run friends off too. If she is that bad then you don't want to risk anything because of her. Your other friends will get tired of her and try to avoid her if that means ditching you.You don't want to end up like her. Good Luck

Answer 9

Gosh! It seems from the description I read that you both seem like a couple. Drop her and move on..You don't deserve a friend like that..she is self-absorbed, cunning, jealous and selfish. Move on!! There are many more deserving people out there. By the way...get yourself a guy for keeps!!

Answer 10

I wouldn't ditch her, just point out to her what a crap friend she's being. She's obviously very jealous of you, doesn't like you going out with other friends, or you having a bf, sounds very insecure to me. You referred to her as your best mate, so I really don't think you should ditch her.... talk to her, make her see how unreasonable she's being around you, she'll change as I'm sure she doesn't want to lose, as you put it, her only friend!!

Think long and hard if you do decide to ditch her, you might regret it. x

Answer 11

Sorry to say this but your other friends are right, you have to step back from this girl before something drastic happens.
Its strange but its sounds like she likes you more than a friend, run away now because this situation that you are in is not healthy for either of you.
Good luck xxx