My husband and I have been married for 11 years. When we first met, he didn't drink any alcohol at all.then after a year or two, he started going out once a week for a couple of hours with his son from his first marriage to have a drink. This has gradually progressed to twice a week all day. Yesterday, he came back very low and said that he ended up buying his son and all his mates drinks, so I put my foot down and said he's not going out any more. He agreed and rang his son to tell him.I think he should know better at his age, what do you think?
2006-12-17 09:13:55 · 11 answers · asked by The Way 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i agree... a father is NOT a buddy... we have to know where to draw the line...sure have a few drinks with the kid, then end it... don't get slobbering drunk.....because no matter how COOL a father thinks he is around his kid... he's really not,,, a DAD is a DAD....because nobody wants to see their DAD drunk...
tell him to grow up...
2006-12-17 09:22:27 · answer #1 · answered by Traynor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The nights he goes out with the boys you should set an allowence make sure he leaves all his credit cards at home and goes out with say 20$. If money is not the issue then maybe you should get down the reason why he is drinking so much, is he unhappy with work? Family or something eles? Maybe you should incourage him to spend time with his sons in a more productive manner like fishing, sports or even just have a cook out at the house. If he feels like this is becoming a serious problem then maybe he should look into counceling or AA. It really can do wonders. well good luck.
2006-12-17 17:21:09 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think your husband may have a drinking problem? You said he drinks "all day". I have a friend who drank for years, and only recently realized she was an alcoholic. She just figured everyone did it, and that's why she didn't think it was a problem.
My advice is to sit down with your husband and have a heart-to-heart about why he feels he needs to go out drinking with his son, especially so frequently. There's nothing wrong with him being best friends with his son, but it is a problem if his drinking has become a problem: physically, emotionally or financially. Good luck!
2006-12-17 17:30:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, it's not a matter of knowing better at his age: it's knowing that he may be an alcoholic. Alcoholism can be a progressive disease.
Of course, if your husband agrees to not go out and drink anymore and is truly fine with that, then he may just be a heavy drinker who is able to quit.
It's too bad you have to be the "bad guy" here. Any chance he and his son can find other things to do together other than go out for drinks?
Your husband may want to check out AA.
You may want to check out Al-Anon.
Good luck!
2006-12-17 18:09:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two angles to this. Drinking can be a problem. On the otherhand he still needs to spend time with his son from his previous marriage. Maybe they could do something else together or you could invite the son for a meal so that you could all spendsome family time together.
2006-12-17 17:24:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. It's unfair for him to be drinking so much. Is it possible for him to go out once in a while and not drink? Can he limit his drinking to an occasional night once in awhile?
My wife and I have a kind of agreement. If I want to go out drinking one night, out of consideration I give her a few days notice. Then I tell her honestly what time I expect to be home and I stick to that time. No surprises, no games.
Excessive drinking is VERY taxing to a marriage/relationship. Good for you for letting him know how you feel. Hopefully you work this out to something acceptable to both you and your husband.
Another thought, would you consider going with him occasionally?
2006-12-17 17:24:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being unfair. He should have a healthy relationship with his son. I think he is tryin too hard to be his "buddy". Aren't there any other acticities that he can do with his son that don't revolve around drinking? Encourage him to have a healthy relationship with his son. You don't want to come across as not supporting an ongoing relationship. Good Luck
2006-12-17 20:01:24 · answer #7 · answered by hockey2525 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your husband should be allowed to go out but that you do need to put limits on it. I have been put in a similiar situation before and it sucks when as a wife you have to act as his mother as well. You would think that they would be adult enough to know better but as we all know that is not always the case. Good luck and remember if you take it away completely he will start to sneak it, it is almost a given.
2006-12-17 17:20:34 · answer #8 · answered by Love2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At his age he should know better? Yet you ask for advise on yahoo answers? I would think that if you have been married for 11 years, both of you should know better, and should be talking it out amongst yourselves, not runnig to your children or posting on the internet.
2006-12-17 17:20:02 · answer #9 · answered by Concerned of legality 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't tell its age.
However, without knowing that fact, I do agree with you.
2006-12-17 17:35:30 · answer #10 · answered by kybradky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋