am i being totally unreasonable?

Question

hi i have been m,arried for 25 years and i am beggining to think what am i doing here my husband is a good provider he works all week but so do i but on a weekend while i stay in catch up on houswork he is in the pub with his mates i dont really like to go there as i work there its like a busmans holiday to me.then when he does eventually come home usually drunk and i complain i am being unreasonable to him and he storms off to bed to sleep it off .this has been going on for months now .i cant talk to him he just thinks im picking an argument.i have just been offered a fantastic job but will be away training for 6 weeks and i feel guilty i dont even want to come home at weekends but i have a 13 year old son what should i do .move on does he care is it the end of the road .i am at the point where i want to make a new life for me and my son but do i give up 25 years of marriage any advice will be appreciated

Answer 1

go on the course...... This is your chance to start living for you and not your husband.

Also it will give you the chance to have some time for yourself, which will help you put things into perspective.

There is something with men that makes them complacent. They think can do as they please and expect you to be sat at home waiting for them.

Whatever happens at least yu will get time out to think abut what it is you really want. If after the course yu still want to stay with your husband at least you have taken the opportunity to do something for YOU by taking the new job. If you dont go you wont have the job and you still wont know where you are with your relationship with your husband. Whatever you decide, I think this job and this course is like a life line for you which will help you make you decision.

Yu are probably worried about your son as well, which always is hard, but he is 13, before long, he will be moving out, to go to uni, meeting other people etc etc. He will have his own life. Also he is at a crucial age where he doesnt need to see his parents unhappy.

If you want t stay with your husband after the course then you will be able to decide exactly what you want while you are away. You need this time for you. Please take it, I would if I were in your shoes.

Good luck.

Answer 2

The most important thing in life is to be happy and healthy. Whether you have been married for 6 months or 40 years should be no barrier to whether you ought to stay in a situation that is no longer good for you or your son.

If you are at the stage of wanting a new life for you and your son, then don't hold back. If your husband is spending so much time at the pub then he's not interested in holding the marriage together either. Many women have gone before you and made that step. You can do it too. Your happiness and peace of mind depends on it. Get legal advice first to make sure you get all your entitlements.

Answer 3

Divorce is hard...I've been there. But you aren't being treated with much consideration or respect. Your son at thirteen definitely sees this and it will have an impact on him. For his sake you need to put a stop to this treatment. Tell your husband you expect him to stay home and be a father and a husband. He lives in the house too so he should also be helping out around the house since you both work. Tell him on a Sunday night. Tell him if he is unable to do that then you don't have much of a marriage and you will leave. Remind him gently in midweek that you hope he'll spend weekends with you and your son. When the weekend comes, hopefully he will and if he does make sure he knows how much he is appreciated. If he chooses to go to the pub, then you need to make plans to get out of that situation. Hope things work out!

Answer 4

Calm down, take a deep breath. You are probably getting worked up about nothing. Sounds like your husband is drowning his own sorrows, have you thought about that? How miserable he must be that his wife is a bar maid. No offense, but he is toughing it out. He doesnt want to communicate with you simply because he doesnt want to be rediculed by you. Its kind of a pride thing, but at the same time it isnt. He doesnt know what to do. Take the job, come in on the weekends and advise him that if he doesnt want to be with you when you come home, then you wont come home. By the way, stop catching up on cleaning. Make sure everyone is responsible for their own part. The work should be equally shared. Men do trash, vacuuming and dishes, while you do the laundry and spot cleaning. And dont nit-pick!

Answer 5

Get outta there before u'r husband does something bad to u and u'r son. I was married to my husband for years and we had twins who are now 13 14 on christmas day and we had a great marraige and then when i was 18 we were married like and he started beating me and my little sister my sis was only 9 then and he started on her b-day but i was stupid and i stayed with him for 8 more years. I'm now 30 and my sis is 20 and we have a new happy life wif new guys. My sis has just had twins the other day and i'm pregnent so our life is much better. My new boyfriend is so supportive and kind coz he supported me when my son died. I'm so much happier that i got away from my ex. Look after u'rself hunni. I hope u get on well wif da rest of u'r life.
xXx

Answer 6

you are not being unreasonable but your husband just doesn't get your reasoning. sux... that seems to be men.

sux after 25 yrs and a 13yr old child that it comes to this, but good luck. there is probably hope. maybe he just thinks that the boy is old enough and he is having a mid-life crisis of sorts, and wants to have his day in the sun like when he was 25. he is prob feeling defensive because he knows his behavior is not entirely appropriate but has to rationalize it somehow.

take the job, and do for you. take the 6 weeks to decide what you wanna do. maybe he will miss you during that time and be ready to focus on your needs more.

Answer 7

I do think you are giving up rather too easily .the first thing is to let him know how you feel,and get him to listen to your problems,and feelings about your marriage ,i am sure a lot of relationships have similar blips.
25 years is a quarter of a century,thats a lot of life,is it all worth throwing away without giving it every chance you can first.
get him on his own well before he goes out with the lads ,keep very calm and tell it as it is,then tell him you would like him to think about what you have said ,and talk again in a day or two ,when its sunk in,then take things from there.
It sounds to me like your both in a rut,and something has to give.
Good luck.

Answer 8

you should no that you can not talk to a drunk, so why are you trying to when he is like that? try talking to him when he is sober.why not come up with alternative things for the two of you or the three of you to do on the week ends? i would go for the training, for sure.i would be concerned about not coming home on the weekends do to the fact that he may be out leaving your son home alone. but talk to him, nothing will get solved if you don't.

Answer 9

well...let me ask you...at this point, what are you really giving up....you work full time, take care of the house, take care of your son and when the husband comes home drunk, you fight and he goes to bed....so ...if you take out the husband part, you will still be doing all the same things except...there won't be any fighting...it might actually be a happy home for you and your son....so, let me ask you again...what are you really giving up....Good luck...make the right decision...

Answer 10

does he need the pub? is it the place or the beer?
tell him you do want to go out with him but ask him to take you for a meal or go to the cinema.

every couple needs to go out together to keep the love and romance alive. you need a compromise on where to go at the weekend.
maybe he could go to the pub on a Friday but make Saturday night your night, be it out or in but make it special. good luck, i do hope you work things out before it goes to far x