Ok so here is the problem: I recently have started to develop feelings for another guy. I thought it was just a little crush and it would go away but it just keeps getting stronger and I also know he has feelings for me too. I don't think I've stopped loving my husband but then again why do i have these feeling for someone else? I came clean and told him I like someone else. Now he's giving me two options, I can either stay married and never again see the other guy again or we can get a divorce. My husband said all he wants is for me to be happy so if being with another man makes me happy, he will divorce me and no hard feelings. So here I am trying to figure out what to do. I don't see myself never talking to the other guy again. He and I have been really good friends for over a year and I'm not sure I can just block him out of my life. I really don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt my husband anymore and I don't want to regret whatever choice I make.
2006-12-17 08:09:41 · 14 answers · asked by h2gj87 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should really consider yourself lucky to have such an understanding husband. Most of us men would not have handled this as well, now what it comes down to is WHICH of the two men can you live without seeing again in your life. You know your husband, how well do you know your friend? Your husband seems to be the better man though, he is willing to take whatever emotional pain comes his way as long as you are happy. Your friend seems to be looking only for what he wants, a true friend would never come between a marriage. You don't say if you are having problems in your marriage, so why would you want to be with another man if you still love your husband? If you are lacking something in your marriage ask your husband for it, that is what he is there for. Don't throw away something so good in hopes of finding something better. A good friend of mine once told me these words when I was going through some tough times: "If you aren't happy with what you have, you won't be happy with what you want!" These words probably saved my marriage, hope they can help you! Good luck!
2006-12-17 09:31:27 · answer #1 · answered by Archangel 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here's an honest, no-nonsense answer. Stay married. Know why? Because you made the choice to be with that man forever. You chose to be married, and when you did you gave up your chance to "like" other people. I can't stand hearing people who don't take marriage seriously. If your husband can say "I want you to be happy, no matter what, and if it's with another man, then no hard feelings" then either 1.he's cheating on you and doesn't care, 2.he's lying - he'll be heartbroken if you leave him, or 3.he loves you more than any man ever will...ever...and you'd be an idiot to leave him.
Think about the reasons you married the one you're with. Think of the years spent (hopefully it's been years...) together, and the commitment made. And if you really want to give it all up for some dude you think you "like," then I'll say you're neither worthy nor mature enough for marriage.
But it's not like you'd be different from so many women. Rush into marriage to get the diamond, wear the dress, make your friends jealous and cost your parents a fortune. Then leave the guy the second someone else shows you attention.
2006-12-17 08:51:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi there... Let me first tell you.. You are very Lucky to have such a sweet understanding husband... Not all are like that.. Infact very rare to find one... Ok.. now you say you love your husband.. then looks like some kind of infatuation.. or maybe you want something different.. Why not you and your husband together try something new.. go join some dance classes... or go hiking.. do something to bring back the spark in your marriage...
You also say, your feelings fo this other guy are more than a 'crush'... hmmmm.. do you know how HE feels about you? Before you make any decisions, you should know his feelings too.. You wouldn't want to do something, which you regret later...
You don't want to hurt your husband... shows how much you LOVE him... Sometimes we do tend to get confused.. happens to everyone... Remember... there is a lot of difference between LOVE and FEELINGS... Once again before you take a decision, you better know what this other guy thinks... One more thing, he may not turn out to be as understanding as your husband later... If he also has same kinda feelings for you.. then yo can take your big decision... Otherwise, like your husband says, you better not meet him again and make things awkward...
All the Best to you! May you find happiness in your choices...
2006-12-17 08:26:11 · answer #3 · answered by Sunnydays_r_here_again 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Before you make a stupid decision, you need to see why you have feelings for this other man....Are you two having sex, a relationship that involves more than sex....What are your future plans if you get with this man?What is he expecting from you?Will he marry you?How does he feel about you?Is he in love with you? You really need some questions answered and see what this man that you are seeing expects out of your relationship and if you make a decision to leave your husband to go to this man, how will that affect your kids...You can't leave solely on feelings as it could just be lusting after that man because of a strong attraction....
On the other hand, do you love your husband?Does he treat you right?How would this affect your kids since you are being selfish and leaving their father for another man that may not give you and treat you like your husband does.....Is it worth leaving your husband?Is it worth ruining a family?Is it worth your kids hating you for ruining a family for another man?Is it worth your family security?
You need some me time and answer these questions and do some soul searching before you leave your husband for a crush who can possibly be seeing someone else and then in turn, you will be the other woman and competing for this one man's heart, then what?
2006-12-17 10:14:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to figure out what it is that you really like about this other guy! Sometimes when we step out on our husband,because the other man is giving you what you need from your husband and your not getting it and when someone else comes along and makes us feel good again we get confused,I would seriously think things over and talk to your husband especially if you have kids,you have to make sure they come first and hey if you hurt the other guy to fix things with your husband,if the other guy is any kind of man he'll understand,he is messing with a married woman!! Good luck
2006-12-17 08:21:44 · answer #5 · answered by melin 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you love your husband then I suggest you pull yourself together and tell this other guy to take a hike. You should never see him again and please don't assume you can just remain friends with this second man. The temptation is there and you're just asking for things to take a wrong turn. It sounds like to me that your husband is a genuinely warm, loving guy who really does just want to make you happy and that this other guy is just a horney pre-teen in a grown man's body.
Seek counsiling. Take a vacation from both men and make a decision. Don't make a decision in the heat of the moment. A divorce is not only extremley expensive (in the thousands of dollars) but is emotionally scarring not just to the two of you but also your children (if there are any) or your parents and friends.
2006-12-17 08:15:25 · answer #6 · answered by alfeebester 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you have to ask, then you probably shouldn't take that drastic step. Are you prepared to throw away what you have with your husband for some vague expectation of something you MAY have with someone you've only known a year? Your husband's reaction suggests that he really genuinely cares for you, and is willing to make a huge sacrifice for your happiness. That is a very rare thing in this day and age. You should learn to appreciate what you have.
2006-12-17 08:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by rtanys 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Save your marriage and get rid of the other guy! Your husband loves you and only wants you to be happy. The other guy knows you're married and has chosen to compromise your relationship with your spouse. People who love and respect you don't put you these kinds of situations. Somehow you'll just have to convince yourself that this was just a great infatuation or crush that you almost let go too far. Re-read your vows with your husband and do whatever it takes to hold on to him. Just pray that you have the inner strength to let go of this other guy and embrace your husband before its too late!
2006-12-17 13:18:54 · answer #8 · answered by sandramunroe11550 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Divorce should not be an option for you if you are in love with your husband. You can love someone-deeply and forever but that is not to say that your are in love. First thing to do is examine your feelings-your intuition will help you if you listen. Go for counseling with someone you trust. Say to your friend and husband to back off-give you space, that your confused and need help. But also by telling your husband about all this; it will make him leery to put his trust in again. A lot of work must be done.
2006-12-17 08:23:37 · answer #9 · answered by Extra Blue Note 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you have a man that is mature enough ,after you have told him you might like someone else, and that all he cares about is your happiness you better really think this one out......When we marry, sometimes we have to know if we can still turn someones head.(attract someone else).....or to see if we still got it.......I think that you turned someones head, and the magic of that can really empower you......This is the tricky part in knowing when, after you have turned someones head ,you know when to fold your cards and realize that you have a man that loves you......yeah you will turn your head and look at another man and you will be looked at by men, but be real careful.....good men are hard to find, and the reason they are hard to find is in the scenario you gave me from your question! Lust is the hardest emotion to control!!!! this is my opinion and I am nobody!
2006-12-17 08:31:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋