My ex and I recently had a huge argument. I told him I want to move away and start my life over. I am dealing with the fact that he cheated and is now living with this other woman. He told me I am running away. When I said to him I need to rebuild my life and that he has a new family and new friends his response was "I do not have any of that". What does that mean? How can you build a house with someone, move in together, etc and not have that. I think he is trying to make me feel guilty so I will not leave. Or the grass is not quite as green as he thought it would be! Any thoughts?
2006-12-17 07:24:09 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nearly impossible for me to say as I don't know either of you and I'm only hearing a brief quip of your side of the story.
But if I had to guess, it sounds like he's looking for your sympathy. Doesn't want you to move away and get over him because he needs that security. Cheaters have one hallmark: IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM. Their main priority is their own comfort. They are cowards by nature, and him moving out wasn't the the final cut. When you move away and get a life of YOUR own, then there's a big void in that comfortable space that he left behind...that space that he always had in the back of his mind that he could maybe - just maybe - weasel his way back into if he so chose. "Who knows?" says he, "With enough flowers and candy and apologies and tears...she'll take me back...if I want to come back."
But this doesn't fit his plan. I don't know what your relationship was like with him, but I'm pretty sure that his new relationship is pretty raw. He's just moved in with someone that is basically good f*ck, very understanding of the fact that he's a louse with no integrity, and is virtual stranger. Of course he doesn't feel any sense of family there. I still wouldn't feel much sympathy for him. He made his choices, and now he's forced you to make yours. You need to respect yourself enough to build a new life, and that's what you're doing. Good for you!! Everyone is on their own journey. Wish him luck with the road he chose.
2006-12-17 08:15:28 · answer #1 · answered by intuition897 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for the hurt that ur feeling. In my opinion i dont think it should matter what ur ex wants. He is obviously moving on with his life, having a new g/f etc etc. You should be moving on with urs, unless u still have feelings for this person and that may be the reason ur so unsure of leaving? Perhaps he would like to have his cake and eat it too?? Making sure u dont "run away" as he put it, and keep u close by incase things dont work out with his new g/f? Time for u to make a choice.. do i stay or do i go? Thats something only u can figure out on ur own. And he can only make u feel guilty if u let him, dont give ur power of urself up so easily. It takes a very strong person to do what ur thinking of doing, weigh the pros and cons and do what u need to do. Good luck!!
2006-12-17 07:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by snowbunny67ss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be like you say, the grass is not quite as green on the other side as he thought it would have been.
Maybe, he can't quite decide where he wants to be and with whom. He keeps looking, maybe even doesn't know what he's looking for, and inevitably, in the process he is hurting people.
You might do well to stay away. You're not necessarily running away, although, many will tell you that's what you're doing. I don't see anything wrong with completely cutting off a part of your life and starting over somewhere else. It might be much easier on you that way.
Good luck!
2006-12-17 07:28:26 · answer #3 · answered by tamara_cyan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure, it means he is very selfish, he is with her. And does not what you to leave, just in-case he decides he may not be so happy with her. You need to stop reading in to this something that is not there. Obviously you still have feeling for him. However, if you are hurt and feel that if you move away it would give you some relief. Then this is what you should do, not considering his feelings or thoughts what so ever. Why would you? He cheated on you, then he moved in with her. So, you need to now make a new life for yourself. You decide where that will be, either there or far away. You are not running away, you are making yourself less accessible to him. And that is what you need to do. I wish you the best of luck, God bless****
2006-12-17 07:32:03 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is trying to flip the script and make himself the focus. This is NOT about him, it's about you .... you have to do what is right for you. You know the best way for you to move on and if that means you feel you need to move away, you do just that.
And with him saying "I do not have any of that" ... makes it seem like he is trying to play the victim. Is it possible that he is trying to keep you around to have you on the side?
Do not let him make you feel guilty - if anything, he should feel guilty because he cheated and did the dirt. You go ahead and move! Do what is best for you and get a fresh and clean start - you will feel so much better! I have been in your situation.
2006-12-17 07:32:18 · answer #5 · answered by wtfustaringat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gal, follow your heart. He has started a new life and is just trying to get you as well, but dun fall for it. You deserve much better than him. Move away and start a new life if you have do that. It is maybe the best decision for now. I am talking with my own experience.
If you think you wanna start a new life and build up a new beginning go ahead and do it. You will feel good about it.
Good luck
2006-12-17 07:30:05 · answer #6 · answered by nsms 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is insaine and is trying to make you think your crazy. He didn't give 2 hoots about you, so why torture yourself? Guys say your "runnung away" because their brain damaged. You ARE NOT running...lol. You are moving on. You told him you want to start a new life if he knew what love was he would be happy for whatever you want to do. I would have never wasted my time explaining, I would be long gone. Do you want to live with pain and hurt or aren't you really serious to move on towards self-respect. Believe me, you're not losing much and you will come to see that more clearly in the years ahead. If you know he has something elce going on and he denies it, he's a low down liar pig.He is trying to have his cake and eat it too, typical male pig.
2006-12-17 07:40:29 · answer #7 · answered by tigerforcebutcher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. He can not make you feel anything, you feel what you feel because you think it and decide it is right.
2. He is your ex, you should move on with your life and rebuild if that is what you feel you need to do, why consult with him, take his example and move on...He did!
3. What is there to deal with if he cheated and moved on, it means you were faithful, which you should feel good about, there wasn't anything wrong with you and you need to see that.
4. You need to take control of your life and stop looking for other people to direct your path. Be more confident in your ability to love yourself.
2006-12-17 08:27:16 · answer #8 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to put you on guilt trip, you should not feel guilty, he is the one that cheated, has another life. He should not hold you back. Move on, you will see within a few months that you made the right choice. If he cheats one time, he will cheat many times. you deserve much better than this.
2006-12-17 07:29:05 · answer #9 · answered by m c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants his cake and wants to eat it also. If there are no children involved do what you want to. If he needs to see it as you running away then let him have opinion and you go be happy. Now if there are children involved and he is a good dad, then you think about is best for the kids. The children's emotional need should be a high priority in any parents life.
2006-12-17 07:30:42 · answer #10 · answered by Mike E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋