Is this a bad thing...?

Question

sorry it's long.

on friday at college i was by myself outside (i was texting someone) and this guy came up to me. He had downs sydrome and he said Hello to me and i was just being polite and said hi back. but he came up to me put his arm round my waist and put his head on my shoulder. i didn't push him off or anything but i felt disgusting. i hate people touching me. but why would someone go up to a complete stranger and hug them? i know this sounds bad but is it because he has downs sydrome (i know nothing about downs sydrome) or is he some kind of a perv or maybe he has learning difficulties. i don't know. i feel so bad and disgusting right now. what do i do?

Answer 1

i hate people touching me too but a cant say i can relate to your situation sorry

Answer 2

If he had Downs then he probably has problems understanding physical and emotional boundries. I don't think he's a perv, he probably just didn't understand that what he was doing was inappropriate. You have to take some of the responsibility here, though, as you didn't move away. All you had to do was get up and explain that it wasn't appropriate to hug someone he didn't know, and that it made you uncomfortable. I'm sure he didn't mean you any harm, as people with Downs are usually very very lovely people, and very caring. Fair enough that you hate physical contact, (I know what you mean, I'm not very touchy feely myself) but understand the sentiment behind the act was not malicious, and wasn't meant to upset. If it really upsets you that much, just forget about it.

Answer 3

Don't worry. That is indeed a trait of Down's Syndrome - inappropriate touching, ie; hugging strangers. Don't beat yourself up, but if doubtfully, it happens again, simply gently guide them away from your body and say: "I don't like being touched". They will understand.
I worked with adults with Down's Syndrome and Autism. Gentle directness is usually the best approach. There is no need to feel sorry because they have the same trials and tribulations as the rest of us relative to their lives.
The people I worked with had: broken hearts, concern for their mates, joy over winning a race, happiness on their birthday, etc. Get my drift?
One of the tasks in working with some of these adults was teaching them to understand not to approach strangers in this manner because it was dangerous for THEM.
They are vulnerable and don't understand how strangers could behave.
You are ok.

Answer 4

I had a similar situation, but I was only 10 and this teenage guy planted a kiss on my cheek.
His mother explained that because of my long dark hair I looked similar to his sister. She was so apologetic and so embarrassed. I was just really scared.
The guy probably isn't a perv, but just be wary and be ready to make the boundaries clear, but in a friendly and polite way.
You can walk away and say gently, "thats not ok" so that the person would understand more.

Answer 5

Don't feel bad, everyone reacts differently when confronted with things they don't understand.
The sad thing with Down Syndrome is it comes with other difficult circumstances like learning disabilities and they have a hard time trying to interpret what is appropriate behaviour and what is not.
The good thing is you did not pull away which shows you handled it well but please don't feel disgusting. This boy did not ask for this condition and cant help the way you feel so please try to be a little more understanding next time.

Answer 6

Don't worry about it. The person who was with him should've made sure he didn't do that but he may have had the mental age of a 6 year old - in which case would you mind a 6 year old hugging you?
Just don't let ayone get too close or get ready to push someone off in future.

Answer 7

Downs Syndrome children and indeed adults have an innocent loving approach. Generally speaking they do not show this affection to complete strangers. There is nothing 'perv' about him but you should only have shaken his hand. They understand if you tell them that what they are doing is not quite right and that they should not do it to strangers. Otherwise he may do it to someone else thinking that within that environment it is alright and thereby get himself into all sorts of trouble.................

Answer 8

It's not abnormal to not like being touched by strangers, but rest assured, he was just being friendly. alot of people with downs syndrome are very touchy feely, but not in a sexual way generally.

It's a condition that affects social deveolpment, and can vary hugely from one person to another with it. Alot of the people born with it are hardly different from so called 'normal' people. but if someone touches you and you don't like it, then you have the right to say'please don't touch me I don't feel like a cuddle today'. as long as you are polite and firm no harm done.

Answer 9

Everyone hates their personal space being invaded but someone with downs are a little more emotional than the rest of us are. I think he was just being friendly and wanted to show you that he was a nice person, nothing untoward about him.

Answer 10

granted you dont like being touched, nor do i, especially from complete strangers, but downs syndrome sufferers are really really affectionate, and that behaviour is normal to them, its not done to offend or to make you uncomfortable, he isnt a perv. and its the syndrome. dont feel bad or disgusting!!

Answer 11

I can't stand being touched especially by strangers, hugs included, im just not the huggy type. If a stranger tried to hug me I think I'd step away. I think he was just being nice, he is probably used to being hugged and is just probably his way of saying hello, lots of people do it, don't let it worry you. (((hugs))) lol.