how do you know if you spouse is cheating?

Question

I just have a feeling.

Answer 1

Always TRUST your heart and that GUT feeling that we women do so well. According to "180 Telltale Signs Mates are Cheating and How to Catch Them" here are 32 signs how to tell if your spouse/mate is cheating:

Think your mate might be having an affair? Find out if he is displaying any of the warning signals described by Raymond B. Green, a private investigator and former police officer, and Marcella Bakur, a psychology professor at Marymount Manhattan College. Here, the 32 emotional signs that he is having an affair:

1. Your mate is more attentive to your needs than usual. This is due to the guilt feelings experienced by the cheater in the early stages of his or her affair. The attention will diminish as the affair continues.
2. Your mate begins buying you gifts — lots of gifts. These are "guilt gifts" purchased because your partner feels guilty about betraying you and showering you with presents makes him or her feel better.
3. Your mate's behavior is causing a gut feeling in you that something isn't right. If this happens, pay attention to your instincts. Ignoring them means you want to blind yourself to the truth. You know your mate's habits, routines and attitudes better than anybody, so be suspicious when these things change.
4. Your mate frequently picks fights with you. Doing this gives him reason to get mad and storm out of the house and thus the opportunity to meet a lover. A cheater may also do this because of mixed emotions he is feeling about betraying you.
5. Your mate constantly talks about your relationship ending when you fight or argue. She says things like, "What would you do if our relationship ended?" or "If anything ever happened to us, I would always love you like a friend." In general, she seems very negative about your relationship. Your mate makes these statements because she has a lover to fall back on if your relationship ends. If your partner repeats these kinds of statements often, be suspicious.
6. Your mate becomes very moody. He or she seems very upbeat and excited when leaving you but acts somber and depressed when around you. If your mate is in a long-term affair, he/she will try to keep both relationships running smoothly. Any problems the cheater has in one relationship will spill over into the other relationship as well. This is inevitable
7. Your mate never talks to you. You live together but don't interact. He has become cold and inconsiderate of your feelings.
8. Your mate's taste in music suddenly changes. For instance, she always listened to pop music but suddenly starts listening to country music. Your partner might be listening to and growing fond of this new type of music because her lover listens to it.
9. Your mate lacks self-esteem. This doesn't necessarily mean he will go out and have an affair, but an insecure individual often looks to others for guidance. If an insecure person's needs aren't being met, he might find the desired feelings of security and positive feedback in an affair with someone else.
10. Your mate continually criticizes another person. She is trying to make you think that type of individual would never be of interest to her, although there actually exists a secret attraction.
11. Your mate criticizes things about you that he or she once found attractive and appealing.
12. Your mate easily becomes offended at the comments, however harmless, that you make.
13. Your mate stops paying attention to you, your children and home-life in general
14. Your mate begins closing doors when you are around, when before he or she would leave them open. For instance, the Bathroom-Door Rule: Couples in long-term relationships often leave their bathroom doors open while attending to necessities even if their partners are nearby. As affairs develop, the cheating mates will close bathroom doors, distancing themselves physically and psychologically from their partners.
15. Your mate stops complimenting you on your looks.
16. Your mate stops saying, "I love you."
17. You mate acts guilty when you do something nice for him or her. You are supposed to be the person who is making life miserable and the relationship untenable. By doing something nice, you force the cheater to think about what he or she is doing.
18. Your mate turns the table and accuses you of cheating but has no evidence.
19. Your mate would rather spend time with friends than be with you.
20. Your mate shows no interest in your relationship's future.
21. Your mate stops being affectionate.
22. Your mate is more interested in reading a book or watching television than talking
23. Your mate frequently talks about the problems a friend, neighbor, coworker, course instructor or classmate of the opposite sex is having.
24. Your mate begins using new catch phrases or starts to tell types of jokes or express opinions that are unusual for him or her.
25. Your mate pays less and less attention to your children. They seem to sense something is wrong and don't seem to be as emotionally healthy or secure as they once were.
26. Your mate has been acting emotionally distant and withdrawn but when you ask about it, he doesn't want to discuss it and becomes very protective of his privacy.
27. Your mate seems disinterested and distracted during sex.
28. Your mate talks in her sleep and mentions the name of a particular person on more than one occasion.
29. Your mate seems startled or confused when awakened. This uncertainty may be caused by not being sure which bedroom and which lover's bed he or she is in.
30. Your mate's behavior is such that your friends begin asking you what's wrong. Close friends and family members often will notice tension or discord between the two of you before you are fully aware of it.
31. Your mate easily becomes offended when you make normal and natural inquiries and may demand to know why you are checking up on him or her.
32. Your mate's sleeping pattern changes considerably from the norm and may include unexplainable exhaustion, restlessness, frequent nightmares and sleep-talking.

Answer 2

I am going to have to go with the majority here. If you feel like he is odds are that he is. However make sure that you are 100% sure before you bring it up or you may regret it later (just in case this is 1 of the rare times the our feelings are wrong). I had the same problem. I had just told my sis that i thought my husband was cheating and the next day i took his phone and she called .Guess who answered the phone .........me. She asked for him i said he's not here this is his wife of 8 years can i take a message. Needless to say she didn't want to leave a message.lol so just try to find out. Follow him if you have to this is your life and it is way too short to waste it on someone who isn't committed to you. You need to move on if he is.

Answer 3

If there's a question in your mind that's based on "just a feeling", you have some serious trust issues to be worked out, even if he does happen to be cheating. Has he given you any reason to believe this? If so, please specify in your question. Otherwise, you should try to look inside yourself as to why you don't trust him to be faithful. Has he done anything to damage your trust in him? Talk with him about it, avoid being accusatory at all costs (it will only produce the exact opposite of the response you'd like) and express that you feel insecure. Talking things out between the two of you might unearth some things you never knew, and at the very least, put your mind at ease.

Answer 4

Unfortunately if you think he is... then it is probably true. Remember guys that cheat generally deny it unless they are caught red handed. Otherwise they will just make excuses or just flat out lie.

Generally I have heard if he is acting strange, working late, acting defensive, spending a lot of time away from home, or doing things he normally wouldn't do then he is cheating.

I actually caught an ex of mine at the movie theatre with another girl and he still denied it. Just goes to show that you can't wait for evidence, they will still deny it.

Answer 5

You need to ask your spouse if they are cheating and if they say no and he's still acting weird then do some investigating. If you find out your spous lied to you then remove all of their stuff from the house and change the locks

Answer 6

Keep on top of all financial records (i.e. ATM statements, credit cards, cell phone bills, is he frequently buying gas in an area not close to home or work). Since you have all of his personal information you can run a credit report on him and see if there are additional lines of credit you don't know about. If you see a pattern, hire a lawyer, let them hire the P.I. and prepare to divorce his A $ $.

Answer 7

I had that 'same feeling' for months when my husband came home from working out of state 9 months. I felt guilty for accusing him and for even thinking that. But I knew in my heart and gut something was wrong. After 6 months, and many arguments, he finally confessed he had an affair when he was out of state working. I battled that gut feeling for months because I WANTED to believe him. But I learned to trust that GUT feeling. I will never ever doubt it again. But on the same note, I pray that your gut is wrong, this has been hell!! I would not wish this on anyone!! Except maybe the tramp he cheated with. if she did not live 700 miles away, I believe I would kill her. I know my hubby F'ed up, but after all the details came out I found out she chased him, and flaunted her 'stuff', and boosted his ego. I know thats no excuse and im not trying to make one for him, he knows he messed up, but WHY are married people attractive to single people? I hope all works out with your hubby. I would make a list of the reasons why u think he is cheating and after you have written them down and they still seem to point in that direction, I would talk to him about 'how u r feeling' . Don't accuse, he will just shut u off. Sooner or later if he is, he will slip up!!! I promise.

Answer 8

Do you have a joint cell phone account... you can always go in the store and have them to print out a detailed list of all calls made... a woman knows when there man is up to something there is this built in radar... put on your big girls panties and ask him... that wil let him know from that point on that you may be paying more attention to his comings and goings... get my drift... it not ok if he is... but you not speaking up about it isn't fair to yourself... if you have yoour feelings speak up... hope this helps!

Answer 9

Well from my mom's experience, I guess the guy act's different towards you. He doesn't want to be near you or everything about you bothers him. Doesn't want to spend quality time with you, and doesn't have sex with you. Comes home late, or is always going out and keeps changing constantly like his clothe his looks.

Answer 10

Hire a private detective and you will know for sure, ask for photographs, any evidence, usually a good private eye will know how to go about it discreetly.
Good luck,

Answer 11

Is he getting it at home?
Are there problems at home?
Does he seem like he is elsewhere when he is at home?

just ask yourself the basic questions:

Does he ever work late or come home late and dont tell you where he has been.

are some of his clothes missing?

hope these questions help.