The Song of the Sea
I was sitting on the beach of golden colour,
Trying to forget my great sorrow,
the touch of the wind that plays with my hair,
I was thinking of life which wasn't fair,
When all of sudden -look what was there!
A seagull flew high in the air,
The trees were dancing on the music of the sea,
Made me think;why was I in despair,
As I listened to the song I was able to see,
Whispering softly to my ear,
Soul of mine was finally free.
2006-12-17 06:06:13 · 13 answers · asked by miranda b 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Thank you =)
2006-12-17 06:07:20 · update #1
I just vomited all over myself
2006-12-17 06:09:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is beautiful! Looks into your soul. And sounds like maybe you are having personal struggle with yourself about life. Maybe even been hurt. And hurt badly. But poetry is like writing a journal. Or even composing music and painting a picture. It bears open your soul and inner being. But it also helps you to release what you are experiencing and feeling. And that is good.
2006-12-17 06:18:01 · answer #2 · answered by heart of Rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read many poems in my lifetime and on very rare occasions do I make any type critique. I believe you to be an Aspiring poet; The flow of the words are exceptional.
2006-12-17 06:14:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Very simple and sweet with good imagary. I liked the trees dancing on the music of the sea. I could see that *smiles*
2006-12-17 06:09:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey dont feel alone,coz d world is still beautiful bcoz of people like u, dis is just a low coz ahead of u is a high & trust me u re going 2 enjoy d high as soon as u reach der,keep writing......
2006-12-17 06:12:15 · answer #5 · answered by moonat9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like your trying to hard, a lot of very succesful poets in the past use simple vocab that flows to them and to the reader
2006-12-17 06:08:59 · answer #6 · answered by mjgrady33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are reaching out to your tender side... this will eventually make you very aware, keep writing, I like your style.
2006-12-17 06:12:58 · answer #7 · answered by oldtimer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try getting rid of the commonly used words, insert some smoothly flowing, more creative words, and there!
2006-12-17 06:09:36 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its nice. but at the begining i thought the rythme was a bit off and the the as i listened to the song i was able to see shud be like hear instead of see. but thats just wut i think.
2006-12-17 06:22:20 · answer #9 · answered by Shmily P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good, it might could use a little polishing, but it's metaphors are really good.
2006-12-17 06:10:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋