Do you have any good advice for training your mind not to care what others say about you?

Question

Unfortunately I have a very critic and pessimistic family that instead of "hello, how do you do?" tells you EVERYTHING that is wrong with you (what they think) to your face and comment on every single mistake you ever done in your life all day long.
As the holiday season is coming and a lot will be shared with relatives, do you have any advice to give me on how to stay above all that criticism and negativism and just enjoy the holiday with the few relativies I like.
Don't say "just don't care about what they say" because I've tried and it doesn't work. I still have to listen and take it!

Answer 1

Sometimes the Holiday season brings people together when they're not ready for it. Just look at all the family members that end up killing each other on the news. But as for your question, I have a relative who is just a negative, angry, spiteful person, and recently the only way to get rid of her was to actually call the cops.
Sometimes it's just necessary to admit to yourself that the people you love are toxic, and therefore should be avoided. You don't have to make a big statement about it, such as "If she's coming I'm not". Just create some distance, let time pass, build a new family of people that love and support you, and most importantly of all - make a success of yourself. Success always silences the smaller people of the world.
If separation is impossible because you live with those people then start confronting them. Ask them what they get out of putting you down. And when they can't answer remind them what family is supposed to mean to people.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Decide that you want to stop giving them that power over you , and tell them they are being hurtful , and when , in the future , if they don't see much of you for awhile , it's because you've decided to avoid stress in the new year .Or..just say , "This is not the time , can we talk about this some other time ", and leave the room . If you continue to allow yourself to be a "target child" , it won't end . Don't let it get far enough to where it upsets you . Why should you be upset ? It's not too hard to change the subject at the first sign of trouble . Practice some topics to throw out there . Asking THEM a question will get the focus off you , and on them .

Answer 3

They must be concerned (take a moment to take in what they say and see if maybe there is some truth in what they say I'm sure it is exxagerated, but they must have felt it was necesary to comment on) get it out and taken care of then they won't have any more concern and both parties can go onto the celebrating part. Or if not bring up the fact that they are making you feel uncomfortable and that now is not the best time for that type of discussion. Thirdly, maybe they need help with something if they're bitter they can't help but do the same to you. put one rotten apple in a pile of fresh apples and very soon you'll have a pile of rotten apples.

Answer 4

Listen darlin' you can do it! here's how,
Listen quietly while they rant, if anything of what they say has merit, use it to improve where needed, if there is no merit, just opinion and or criticism, just say "thanks, I'll consider your words", smile without grimacing and go on with what you were doing or wearing or whatever the issue. Should it come up again, just continue to smile graciously and say "yes, I'm considering your words". Give no more than that. Refuse to be drawn into an argument or explanation by saying no more. But---- continue to smile and feel it inside you, you will be fine!!!

I so hope you read this one because I know this will work.

Answer 5

The golden rule says that you should do unto others as you would have them do to you; but sometimes in families, people seem to forget that that applies to all people, not just strangers. You have several options, one of which is to be up front with the person whose comments you don't like. You want to be assertive, but you don't want to be aggressive.

Aggressive is "I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can always diet, you hag!"

Assertive is "I don't like it when you criticize my haircut (my grades, my dog, my eyeshadow, pick whatever it is that got commented on in a negative manner). Please stop." Say it in a calm but firm voice. Then walk away. Don't wait for an apology and don't apologize for having stated your opinion.

Eventually people will figure out that you don't appreciate their comments, whether they meant them to be belittling or not, and they'll learn to stop.

The key here is the "I" part of it. You can't say "You're always so mean to me." or "You ought to be more polite." You have to start with an "I":

"I feel bad when you...."
"I don't like it when you...."
"I get upset when you..." (notice that the "you" part follows the "I" part, because you're trying to get someone to stop a certain behavior, but it's paramount that you own your reaction to the comments by starting off with an "I" statement)

There are some good bullying books you can google up as well, because this kind of behavior falls under bullying; most of them talk about using "I" statements and being assertive.

But the whole idea of "don't care what they say" has some validity. It's tough as all get out, but you have to weigh just how important that person's opinion is. If Jeffrey Dahmer tells you he thinks you're a horrible person, you ought to be complimented. If a child molester says he thinks you're a waste of oxygen, again, be complimented.

This idea that everyone has to like us all the time is destructive. First of all, there's just no way to please everyone you run into all the time. And there are some people you shouldn't have to please. Figure out what you want to be and what your principles are, and stick to them. If being the kind of person you want to be means that some people won't like you, that's just fine. (It's still uncomfortable, but it's important to realize there will always be people who won't like you no matter how wonderful or perfect a person you are.)

Hope this helps some!

Answer 6

I know how you feel. I have a similar situation. Just make it a game, like Ping-Pong. lol Every time they say something negative about you, you say something nice about them. Not mushy or gushy.Just nice.
For instance, your mother-in-law sneers and asks if your blouse is new. You say a quick yes or no, then ask her where she likes to shop for clothes as if you are interested and appreciate her taste.
Your brother says something snide about your job. You say that not everyone was born able to do what he does, and how proud you are that he has made the best of what he was given.


Who cares how they respond? You're being nice. That's all that matters. Afterwards, you can laugh all the way home about how you confused them and stole their thunder.

Take a deep breath, promise yourself something really nice to do afterwards, and know that you aren't the only one dodging verbal bullets this Holiday season. Cheers!

Answer 7

Some psych. theory teach that humans do not have "instinct" I believed that for a time.Not anymore.My earliest instinct was tofight back.Unfortunetly that was discouraged .Now looking back ,one greatest regret is when I suffered insults ,or worse without ging a receipt. Priniple in Psychology Which I believe to be true; " the fear of retaliation will prevent aggression."Aggression comes in many forms;sarcasm,innuendo,insults of any kind,discounting, condescending comments, etc,If they dis. you slap em. with words first,but dont be afraid, unladylike,dont escalate,assault charge,No use your instinct and give a receipt with shock and awe.Then challenge em to a duel.You keep backing down turning other cheeck you will one day regret it.

Answer 8

Every thing that they say about you or think of you,is because they are defining them selves and judging you.Set down in a room all alone and close your eyes and imagine that you are setting at the center of a beautiful bright light and you are so precious and every thing in your life is the way it suppost to be and no one can ever get close to you,just like a wall around you,they can talk to you and have any thoughts that they want but they can never reach you,because of the wall around you and feel and see your self safe in that light and wall around you.Say to your self they can never reach me and hurt me because this is where I have to be in my life at this moment and I will not allow any one to destroy my life and happyness.

Answer 9

If it is that bad, you can opt out of the celebration by saying you are sick. It doesn't look like you will be allowed to celebrate freely anyway.

Like I said, if it is that difficult for you, beg out.

Another option is for you to attend the celebrations and agree with them. "You're absolutely right, I will never amount to anything". "Thank you, I know I have no (fill in the blank). I don't know how you put up with me for so many years!" " You know how had it is for me to look in the mirror every day?"

Give them very concerned answers mirroring what they are saying. The response should be hilarious and you will have control

Answer 10

i could get on the telephone asap to a GSD rescue team and get an experienced rehab foster that may assist you. some issues from his maltreatment could desire to incorporate nutrition aggression, worry biting, and separation tension whilst he starts off to sense "residing house." no longer this way of themes to deal with solo, IMO. acceptable now concentration on him getting delicate in a small section and with you adult adult males coping with him - he may well be extra receptive to being socialized with your different canines whilst he's a little extra helpful and look after. It sounds like so far you're on the main suitable music - yet i could certainly call interior the reserves with the intention to communicate that may assist you out. i could additionally be on the telephone to the humane society and in case you have %. already, enable them to learn the canines for actual issues and signs and indications of abuse. you're taking the canines on - yet you do no longer comprehend if this excuse of a individual could produce different pets in want of rescue - so call the government.