While I was studying abroad in Mexico I was raped by one of the managers at a popular club there. As a result in less than 3 days, the guy who raped me, a friend for two months was sentenced to 40 years in prison. At the time, I was really drunk because he had bought myself and my friend 3 bottles of champagne which we promptly drank. He didnt drink anything. The reason why I feel guilty is not only because he was our friend, but because I feel like I said "no" up until the point of the rape and I was so drunk and confused I could only push him off at the last minute...And only after when he tried to get me to continue he let me out of the room because I began to cry. I feel maybe because I didnt fight him hard enough while he was doing it, he didnt realize that I truly didnt want it. The whole time I was telling him no,he said, that he knew we liked each other. The thing is, it was a horrible thing, but is 40 years too much? I just feel horrible, esp. cuz he could be killed.
2006-12-17 05:54:06 · 5 answers · asked by newtothis21 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
oh my, guilty...
hmm, maybe we should clarify the meaning of friend. lets see,
to me a friend is someone who is there for you, who has your best interest in mind, who is loyal, trustworthy and honest with you.
he bought the champagne, he forcibley took you all the while you were saying no. so far, in my mind, he is no where near what a friend is. he was sober, and tried to convince you that you liked him, so what if you liked him. you told him no...i dont care if you loved him, no means no.
40 years too much? he should have thought of that while he was planning to rape you. i am suprised your crying affected him.
the only thing you are guilty of is trusting him during his decieving you that you should trust he was your friend. if you ask me, sounds like he had this in mind for 2 months.
i would guess that he has gotten a taste of his own medicine in prison.
he deserves everything he gets.
as for you, i would suggest writing your feelings down in a letter and burning it. release your guilt, your anger, your self doubt to the universe. as long as you harbor these feelings, he will still have a hold on you. let it go.
enjoy the holidays with people who truely love you
blessings to you
2006-12-17 06:21:12 · answer #1 · answered by darlin12009 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are probably a lot of men doing time because a girl was trashed, flirted and acted like they wanted to have sex then backed off at the last minute. Although it is wrong to take advantage of a girl, I don't think the sentence should be that long. He made a mistake as well as you. I don't think being drunk is an excuse. I've been really trashed before to the point where I didn't remember much the next day. After awhile memories came back that I had sex with someone I was with before and his friend tried that night too, but said no. Even in that frame of mind I was able to say no to the guy I wanted nothing to do with, but said yes to a guy I had feelings for. So I don't buy the drunk excuse, ever! If you feel you were partially at fault and that you may have exaggerated, then you need to call the authorities in Mexico and retract your statement. It sounds like he took advantage of you, not raped you. If you don't take responsibility for your part then it will eat you up inside. Don't let him rot there because you can't hold your liquor. Next time I suggest you have a buddy that sticks with you, and try to drink in moderation.
2006-12-17 14:12:12 · answer #2 · answered by Phoebe 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
# 1 Never put yourself in situations like this, you already know the reason why. Guilt? It seems like you were at least partly responsible for being in the situation but if he was sober he bears the responsibility for the rape itself. Sounds like you could maybe write to his lawyer and see if an appeal is possible or a retrial on a lesser charge. Take care of yourself.
2006-12-17 14:04:22 · answer #3 · answered by Jackie G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time watch how much you drink, but that is no excuse for a man to put his hands on anybody. When I was in high school, I was raped by one of my teachers, I told everybody and no one wanted to believe me and today it still hurt me inside. You have to get on with your life and stop living in the pass or it will eat you inside until you go insane.
2006-12-17 14:07:21 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you were drunk, thats all the more reason he shouldn't have touched you.
if you fought him at all he should have stopped.
it's time to let the guilt go.
2006-12-17 13:59:44 · answer #5 · answered by ladyjeansntee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋