My husband who I left 3 months ago because he was emotionally abusive to our children and I wants me back. I am with a new person - who is 21 (I am 33). This new guy - let's call him Dan - is immature but does love me. My husband (cant file for divorce yet) says he would buy me a new house and car and everything if I go back. Dan cant do that. Am I crazy to stay with Dan, or should I go back to husband?
2006-12-17 05:37:43 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Neither of us can file for divorce because we have both moved out of state we were in.
2006-12-17 06:37:31 · update #1
Has your husband been going to counseling? I would not go back to him unless there has been counseling or some intervention. A person can not just change overnight, and if he was emotionally abusive, the next time it might become physical. If you want the new hous and new car and all that stuff, there could be a very large price tag involved.
I guess another big question is "who do you love?" It seems as though you need to figure ou t what is important to you before you can make a good decision. Who is going to be the best to be supportive of your needs and the needs of your children? (and that means emotional, financial and physical)
I wish you the best of luck in your decision.
2006-12-17 05:45:17 · answer #1 · answered by Mckayla M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything you have written was about was about you and your husband, what about the kids. You should not let anyone be abusive to your kids and a new house and all will not make the children feel any better. If he is abusive to the children then he is most likely abusive to you as well. Your new side-kick is just for sex so don't look for him to last long.
You should not go back with your husband yet and you should let go of Dan and take some time to heal and allow your children to heal with counseling. You must find out why you were attracted to an abusive person and stayed because if you don't, you will find yourself picking the same type of guys.............like Dan and call it "love".
Best of luck.
2006-12-17 05:58:11 · answer #2 · answered by Sunflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband was emotionally abusive, why are you even considering going back? You have escaped. Material things do not make up for a lack of love in a relationship. If "Dan" can love you and provide enough for you stay with. However, considering it has only been 3 months since your husband and you separated, perhaps you should consider some "me" time where you remain single. You may want a man, but you definitely don't need one, and now is the time to make sure you believe that. Good luck :-)
2006-12-17 05:41:05 · answer #3 · answered by guylian_chocolate_seashell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think i would go back unless he started getting help and you should take it slow, as far as dan this is a rebound guy im guessin and he may care about you true but he may not be ready for all the responsibitity he would have to uphold.
I think you should back away from dan for your sake and the kids and tell your husband to seek help to find out whats going on,and that new house and car is a brib is ok if he wants to do that but, not as a means of makin you come back. And you should go with your husband and tell your side but the only thing you can really do is follow your gut.
P.S. your husband can never know about dan because he can divorse you and get you up for cheating..
2006-12-17 05:55:43 · answer #4 · answered by ncgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I certainly wouldn't go back to any man that was abusive to my children , he will still do it if your crazy enough to back no matter what he offers you mean you and your children are living with a 21 yr. old man and your still legally married. If your husband doesn't have the money to file for divorce how is he going to buy all theses thing for you. A 21 year old man is not mature enough to take on a 33 year old woman and her children. You better grow up and instead of acting 16 yrs.old. You have children depending on you, you need to straightened your life out .
2006-12-17 06:26:52 · answer #5 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are crazy to go back.....I don't know about your future with Dan but you have no future with your husband......It is a trap to get you back...the house the car...promises promises....as soon as he has you back, he will be abusing you and your daughters again....then perhaps it will also become physical and not just emotional.....then what??? This is a familiar yo yo pattern that all abusive relationships take on....they reel you in then abuse you...you leave, they reel you back in...they abuse you...it can go on like that for many years until you finally decide not to take it anymore or until you or one of your kids is hurt or worse.....Do yourself and your children a huge favor....don't go back, get a divorce and move on with your life...you owe them that much! Good luck and stay safe
2006-12-17 05:43:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to go back with your husband the new house and car should also come with a guarantee that he will seek professional help for his abusive behaviour towards your kids. He must work on his issues and if he promise to get and stay in therapy, you can even go to couple's therapy if you need to, then do that.
Dan is your rebound guy and you have no future together, so even if you do not go back with your husband you will need to find someone who is more mature.
Make sure. also that you are going back because you still love your husband and want to make this work for all the right reasons. and again, He must seek professional help for his abusive behaviour, its' unacceptable to expose children to that.
Best of Luck
Irene
2006-12-17 06:03:15 · answer #7 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are crazy if you go back to someone who is abusive and you are crazy for being with a 21 year-old whom you say is immature.
You can find yourself a good and mature man who can also provide for you and your kids. Be strong, be happy, make correct decisions and you will be ok. Going back to either of those persons, will be a big mistake.
2006-12-17 06:12:42 · answer #8 · answered by nowhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not go back to your husband! File for divorce. And, since you have children, don't live with the new guy unless you marry him.
2006-12-17 05:42:38 · answer #9 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, you are perfectly sane not to go back. He's abusive! You'd be crazy to go back. I think you need to be independent for a while too though. You need time and space to get everything together before jumping into a new relationship. Good luck!
2006-12-17 05:41:34 · answer #10 · answered by Nena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋