No your marriage is not over unless it is what you want of course. Passion only stops because we stop it. If you still love him at all then do something different and fight to make it work. Put your heart and sole into it. Your children do things wrong but a women never thinks about divorcing her children do they? Your child can lie, steel, and even comitte murder and your passion to love them as a mother never dies you will always love them and do what ever you can to make things right and help them to put their lives back together again. Stop using the word divorce. Get mad really mad and start fighting for your family. If a person would fight as hard to keep it together as they do to pull it apart they wouldn't have these problems. Cheating on you is bad, but not the worse thing in a marriage that could happen. Treat your husband with the same kind of love and understanding that you have for your children. Look over his mistakes don't dwell on them anymore than you would your kids. Pick up the pices and try again "get tuff". I don't know if you are a christian or not, but the best way to help him and you is to get off the pitty trip and pray and ask God to help you to love again. Be affectionate towards him even if he isn't, snuggle, touch, smile. Love is allways kind. If you really do this it will work and your love will bloom again. Jesus never turned his back on us he just keeps loving and loving, and loving us. Treat your husband the same way you just can't loose by loving. It is really hard to be mean to someone who says I love you, hey I love you, because I love you, I really love ya honey. It only stops when you quit saying I love you.
2006-12-17 06:39:53
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answer #1
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answered by sharon w 1
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You are probably in your 40's. And your child is almost grown and out of the house. And things, hon, do indeed wear out -- cars, tires, teeth, our health, roads, buildings -- you get the idea. Secondly, evolutionarily, we were never meant to live as long as we do now, and in such good health. 200 yers ago, the average age was 33, and it was a struggle just to get enough to eat. And, I think thirdly, just because a marraige may last 40 years doesn't necessarily mean that it is successful, and just because one lasts only ten, doesn't mean necessarily that it was unsuccessful. We, for sure I, have friends who have been married for 30 years, they each go their own way, they keep a house together, but each has a separate social life, and neither asks the other what, if anything is going on. They entertain as a couple, and each tends to the other, but they really have no marriage..They are each in their 70's, and she has a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend.... . Is this where you are heading? It is not necessarily a bad way of life, and to bail for no other reason that your marriage is loveless is probably at this point not a good idea. For sure you should be unwilling to just jump out there and see what is available ---this wouldn't be a good first option. You might see about seeing a sex therapist. (Is your husband as well bored with your marriage as are you?? Have you and he discussed any of this??) Read --both of you --a book, one that is THE standard in the field, called For You Both by Lonnie Barbach. She fully understands how love can fade, and has ideas on how to rediscover each other... ideas too long and too many to discuss here.... get it cheap on Amazon.com, yours in paperback by Friday...worth every dime.... Some of her other stuff is also quite good. So you really have three options: Do nothing, Discsuss it with your husband, and come to one of two conclusions: Divorce, and each go your separate ways, or get into therapy, and try to re-ignite your affection.. Divorce is always an option hon... don't make it your only option....
Helpful?
2006-12-17 06:22:35
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answer #2
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answered by April 6
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If you are friends, enjoy each other's company, etc. and there is no cheating involved, you should stay. There is a difference between passion and affection. Passion wears off over time. Try becoming more affectionate with each other. My husband and I still kiss each other goodbye, even if I am just dashing out the door to run a quick errand, we hold hands, and we pet each other while watching t.v. together, etc. We are not in-lust with each other but we are content and happy. Being in love does not mean that there will always be excitement and a fast heartbeat 24/7. You must accept that life is not always glamorous and exciting, no matter who you are with. But why throw 20 years out the door just because of how you feel (bored) at the moment?
2006-12-17 05:49:12
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answer #3
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answered by Orion777 5
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It depends how bad the situation is. I have a good friend who is now 50 and divorcing his wife of 28 years, They have three grown children and it's going to cost him a fortune, but the marriage was on the rocks for a long time and he finally decided that he cannot go on pretending, I guess you have to reach the point where you must decide if you are staying together for your kids, a lot of couples do that, if you have no Chance whatsoever to rekindle the passion and love, and if you are willing to go through a divorce process, which is never easy.
Have an honest talk with your husband, try to end things as amicably as you can, and know that life is too short to be unhappy all the time. it's not worth it, you deserve better and so does your husband.
Best of luck to you both
2006-12-17 05:41:37
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answer #4
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answered by artist-oranit.com. 5
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There is NEVER a good reason for staying in a marriage without passion or love. You only have so much life...and every moment that slips by is gone forever...there is absolutely no reason to be torturing yourself by wishing you were somewhere else all day long. You have nothing to prove by staying, nobody out there is keeping score... and if you are staying for financial reasons...then I think you will find that you are earning that money the hard way.
You are going to have to come to grips with this sooner or later. In the past, I also have been known to beat dead horses like this from time to time, and I have to say that avoidance therapy has never worked...best to get on with your life.
2006-12-17 05:34:23
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answer #5
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answered by Joe 5
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awwww i feel so much for you
tragedies take place in life and in your situation everything happened sooo late.
and u have children too
well have u tried having a heart to heart talk with him or has that become impossible?
try counseling...it may work....but why didnt you do something when he cheated. i hate how men think they can treat women this way...but its never to late to acknowledge that a relationship broke. i mean i kno its painful but relationships are something that if one person breaks sometimes the other cannot mend...the attempt can be made but it may not always be a success. be prepared for the worst so that it doesnt break you when it god forbid should happen.
be strong no matter what u do for yourself and your children. u must find out what is really in your husbands mind...or try because you can never know for sure....ppl say follow your heart but i say follow your mind..
do what is sane and rational. emotions can betray you..
im not a psychologist although i aspire to become one...so i dont know if i helped much...ask youself though do you love him inside? if not then there is no use being disrespected by someone you have lost respect for and are simply existing with
i wiish the best for u
i wont say good luck because you decide your own luck around here nowadays
god bless you in all you do dear
2006-12-17 07:59:55
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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Don't call it quits without some really good counseling. Find a good marriage counselor. Even if you do decide to get a divorce, the counselor can help you get through that too. Ask your doctor, minister, or a friend on how to find a counselor. Even a divorce lawyer can direct you to a good marriage counselor. The man you fell in love with is still there, you just have to find him again.
2006-12-17 05:41:16
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answer #7
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answered by sunny 7
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You have alot of years invested in your marriage. Are you really sure you want to throw it all away? The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Have you and your husband gone to any kind of counseling? I would think it would be worth trying before you end it. Unless of course your being abused. If all else fails, then I guess you need to go with your heart and leave. Life is to short to live it unhappily. Good Luck to you.
2006-12-17 05:39:30
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answer #8
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answered by autumn 3
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If it were just passion I'd say stick it out.Did you ever love him?Do you love him,but are not in love with him?I don't know if you can stay in a marriage where you don't feel love.You will eventually resent him ,and not like yourself.I have been married for 22 years and rarely is there earth moving passion,but we love each other very much.Good luck.
2006-12-17 05:38:07
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answer #9
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answered by birdlady 3
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The answer is not.But before get divorce,both (man and woman),need to review which is the cause; that love and passion died in their marriage.Both have responsibility why love and passion died.Sometimes women blame men,or vice verse,but indeed both made mistakes and let love and passion died in their marriage.Good question.
2006-12-17 06:58:27
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answer #10
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answered by cobrasnake 6
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