I've been married for three years. I just found out that during the six months we were apart, he was living in Texas and I was staying behind to plan our wedding, he cheated. After our wedding, I was moving to Texas to meet him, he was attending college there. I found an old email address he used to contact others. It took me about an hour to read through all the emails he received. He was purposly looking to "get laid before the big day" and to ' Have a little fun before he takes the big plunge".What would you do? How can I ever trust him again? Honestly, we have always had a healthy sex life, so I don't think that was the problem.
2006-12-17 05:05:20 · 12 answers · asked by cajun24 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry, guess i should have been more specific on the email. He had printed out emails from this address. We were in the process of moving and I was throwing out old stuff we didn't need and this was mixed in.
2006-12-17 05:24:22 · update #1
I would definitely let him know that you know what was going on. Let him explain himself. The trust is bruised, without a doubt. It is going to be very hard to get that back. I know, because I am going through that now with my husband. We've been together for 16 years, and in September he cheated with one of his co-workers. He told me, because the 2nd night they were together, her husband had her followed, and when she got home at 1am, he was waiting for her at the door. 3 nights later, my husband decided that he better tell me before I received a phone call her her husband. well, to make a very long story short, I decided that I want to make my marriage work, but it is going to take a long time before the trust is there, and he knows that and he accepts it, he really has not choice but to accept. If you think that your marriage is worth it, then try to make it work. It is alot easier to give up on something than it is to make it work. Good luck
2006-12-17 06:50:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't hold this inside, it will only grow into more distrust for him and possibly even paranoia. In a marriage everything must be upfront, honesty is so important. Perhaps you could confess and apologize for looking through his emails, which really sounds as though there were always trust issues.
Then calmly without accusations let him know this has hurt you and you want to talk it out, that you need assurances of his fidelity and commitment to the marriage.
It seems you both have some trust issues and need to really work on this part of your marriage together to do
what ever it takes to learn to trust each other again. It may not be easy or a quick resolve, but it is imperative.
Respect and honor are also a big part of love, just saying I married YOU ....so I must love you..... is not enough. Both of you must respect each other enough to trust the character of the person you want to spend eternity with.
3 years is only the threshold, so many major things will come up during the marriage in years ahead which will require your being able to say" I know him, I trust him and he you.
Don't play childish games of provoking jealousy or trying to get back at each other. You will only be fighting against your own marriage.Trust is very serious in marriage.. .
2006-12-17 05:47:43 · answer #2 · answered by cookie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him and you think you can trust him, then ask God to help you forgive him. If you have a healthy and active sex life and you get along then take a chance and understand that he was "stupid" by thinking maybe "one last one before I get married." I am not saying is right (is not) but a lot of guys (and some women) think like that.
2006-12-17 05:57:32 · answer #3 · answered by nowhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no business looking through his e-mail, but if you are 100% certain he cheated, and there is not even a remote possibility you could be wrong about this, you may wish to confront him, talk about it, and decide if you can trust him now. For some strange reason, Men, and even some women, don't view cheating as cheating until or unless it occurs after marriage (Like you, I disagree). Be that as it may, it is ultimately your choice to make as to whether or not you can trust, forgive, and /or move forward. Good luck.
2006-12-17 05:13:34 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. US of A, Baby! 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why would you want to be with someone like that. He knows he is going into a commitment and he wants one last fling? If he is going to do it before you get married he will probably do it after. Dont trust him at all. You deserve something better go out and find it and dump your boyfriend he is a loser.
Dont listen to the people who say you have no business looking at his email. Why isnt it your right to know what he is doing. What happens if he comes home with an STD isnt that your right to know. Yea it may hurt but its better to be hurt and know then go around like a cluless b itch
2006-12-17 05:16:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
The problem is he was unfaithful even though u were not married at the time.It was still wrong ask yourself will it happen again if we are ever separated again.
2006-12-17 05:19:45 · answer #6 · answered by Pam W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are suffering the consequences of invading his privacy. It was in the past, before you married. Let it stay in the past!
Or, you could confess that you invaded his privacy and learned that he had a fling before you were married. Do that, and neither of you will trust each other until a long time passes!
2006-12-17 05:16:47 · answer #7 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You are dealing with two different problems. The cheating is one but your dishonest snooping and reading personal e-mails is another. Talk to him about the problem. Also, stop reading personal stuff that don't concern you.
2006-12-17 05:12:55 · answer #8 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you can't talk with him about this before you are married then you don't need to get married.
2006-12-17 06:43:27 · answer #9 · answered by Sunflower 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
leave him. that is not acceptable and you will never be able to trust him again. what a jerk! I can't believe you are so calm! good luck!
2006-12-17 05:25:52 · answer #10 · answered by Megan P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋