Can someone help me with a few jokes/examples on communication skills?

Question

I had asked this question under "Jokes & Riddles" section just now and got one great answer I need more (it's a two days session) so I am asking it again to a different set of surfers...
Let me rephrase my question...
I need a few jokes and examples which I can quote during my workshop on Communications Skill and Team Building on 20th & 21st Dec.
Please give fresh jokes as far as possible. Examples/stories can be old.
Thanks...

Answer 1

try this...


The Water Closet

In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Germany. She was registered to stay in a small guesthouse owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guesthouse contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC, which stands for water closet.

She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring about the location of the nearest WC. The schoolmaster, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house. A bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:


Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC, as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday, as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell that rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed.

I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.


With deepest regards,

The Schoolmaster
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you may also try this:


MEMO DIFFERENCES


Memo from Director General to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.


Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.

The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.


Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.


Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.


Memo from Supervisor to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director General disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

Answer 2

First of all hi..... I like your question bcz I have the same problem what you have. The institution where I am working always emphasis upon English speaking but my English is not good. I am trying to develop my skill. I read English news paper's article. There are so many words in the article that I don't know. I write them in my notebook and fine its meaning. This is really very helpful. The more you read you get more confidence about the language. The other thing is listening. Listen English news and see English movies. It will give you more pronunciation practice. And the most important thing is don't feel complex just talk to your friends as much as you can in English bcz if we don't make mistakes then how will you know that what is right? BEST OF LUCK

Answer 3

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
Can someone help me with a few jokes/examples on communication skills?
I had asked this question under "Jokes & Riddles" section just now and got one great answer I need more (it's a two days session) so I am asking it again to a different set of surfers...
Let me rephrase my question...
I need a few jokes and examples which I can quote during my...

Answer 4

This fable originated from India many years ago. It is a good example of how our senses can lead to miscommunication and misinterpretations.

It was the story of the six blind men of Indostan


(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind

The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!
The first blind man of six blind men feels the side of the elephant and interprets it as a wall.


The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, Ho! what have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!
The second blind man of the six blind men feels an elephant tusk and interprets the elephant to be like a spear.

The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
I see, quoth he, the Elephant
Is very like a snake!
The third blind man of the six blind men touches the elephant's trunk and interprets it to be a snake.

The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain, quoth he;
Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!
The fourth blind man of the six blind men touches the elephant's leg and mentally visualizes it to be a tree.

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: Een the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!
The fifth blind man of the six blind men touches the elephant's ear and imagines it to be a fan.

The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
I see, quoth he, the Elephant
Is very like a rope!
The sixth blind man of the six blind men touches the elephant's ear and interprets it to be a fan.

And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!

Moral:

So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!
The elephant composition as the blindmen described it.

Answer 5

I always felt that it was important to make sure that written communication was punctuated properly. Example - compare the following sentences:

"Not getting any better, come home soon"
"Not getting any, better come home soon"

1 comma change makes a whole new sentence!

Answer 6

Hi, The world is full of jokes & quotes, While sitting on the computer connected 2 net, u won't have 2 ask the question just visit : http://www.atrochatro.com/45511.ptnr

and u will find lots of jokes on different topics.

I hope u will get your desired topic there.
THANKS

Answer 7

Two clowns were sitting in the park. One clown turns to the other one and says, "do these pants make my thights look fat?"

They both laugh.

Answer 8

Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

Answer 9

An inmate on death row is waiting for a decision from the governor of the state. Finally, the governor's letter comes. One of the guards reads it:

"Execute, not to pardon!"

The other guards takes the letter and reads it differently:

"Execute not, to pardon!"
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One of my friends (a Russian immigrant) says: "Execute me, please!" instead of "Excuse me, please!"