There is no hope for this marriage and I am ashamed/disgusted to be with him and to be seen with him. He drinks too much. Last night was the dealbreaker for me: we went to a holiday party and he drank too much and, for some reason, spit on the host's kitchen floor. Well, the host of livid and told me he needed to leave. I became unglued and yelled at him. We went back to my car and argued and he punched (my mom's!) car and shattered the windshield. I know that I'll never be invited back to my friend's house because of my husband
He's an immigrant from Korea. He moved here like 8 months ago and is having adjust issues (see my other posts) I want to leave--problem is that he is dramatic and says "if you leave me...I'll die." He is abusive to himself and I afraid he won't handle the separation. How do I leave him without him killing himself? We can't get counseling...he doesn't speak English. Even though he is sweet...I'm tired of being married to this child.
2006-12-17 04:25:40 · 17 answers · asked by Ms.Kimchi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please...no one tell me anything like "well, you're married. Work it out." This marriage is a disaster. We have no kids, so we're lucky.
I also know I made a big mistake marrying him. So please, no one lecture me about that. I realized I was foolish and stupid to marry someone like him.
2006-12-17 04:28:14 · update #1
Yeah, more than likely he'll go back to his home country. He doesn't like living here.
2006-12-17 04:38:38 · update #2
just leave...
2006-12-17 04:38:22 · answer #1 · answered by ~♥Jade♥~ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with him in a neutral place (not the home) and tell him that he needs to go into rehab. Get him checked into a 90-day minimum program. While he is in there you can either move him out or move yourself (or you can wait for him and see if there is a change).
Either way when he gets out he will have a group of sober support to begin his new life and they will help him through the process of divorce and separation.
I know this sounds awful, but believe it or not it happens all the time and he will have people around to take care of himself and will love him back into good health.
Good luck!
2006-12-17 12:35:09 · answer #2 · answered by darrellkern 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ms Kimchi, I assume you are Korean too.
You are not responsible for him or his actions. You need to do what is best for your life. if you leave him , he will not die, that is his way of controlling you. If he really kills himself, then you won't have to divorce him. (sorry) his actions have nothing to do with adjustments to living here in the states. it is his personality.He will not change his ways. Better to stop now, before kids. the longer you wait to leave the more difficult it will be. I know it won't be an easy process to go through, but you deserve a happy and safe life.You deserve to go to parties without having to worry if your husband will offend anyone.
Kam sum ni da - good luck
2006-12-17 12:41:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have married him to begin with. If you leave him maybe he will go back to his country where he belongs. He should be speaking English by now anyway if he wants to live here. So yeah, leave him. As for will he harm himself, thats not really to question here. Right now you just need to save yourself because if he is hitting other things (ie; mom's car) then you'll be next.
2006-12-17 12:36:23 · answer #4 · answered by bear4141usa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie I'm the last person to say i told u so, I totally understand where your coming from I went through it twice, all I can tell u is he is bluffing he isn't going to kill himself u have to think of yourself because u might be his punching bag the next time.The first step is always the hardest make up your mind and take the big step and leave before it is to late.
2006-12-17 12:38:46 · answer #5 · answered by Pam W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you don't need to be in a relationship that could be potentially dangerous to yourself or others. And he just needs to grow up a little. He may be just trying to get you to stay by saying he will die. Does he have any friends in the US? If so contact them and let them know what is going on and tell them he is going to need them. And Leave. You defiantly need to leave cause he could turn on you. And you don't want that. But good luck.
2006-12-17 12:33:33 · answer #6 · answered by mommyramey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not responsible for this persons actions. I don't care if he came here from Mars. (get the picture?)
You need to move on; if he does something stupid, it is not your fault. He is using you and it is sick. Do not allow yourself to be used by this person any longer.
Get out, get out now and do not remain in contact with him. It is unhealthy. Tell your friends and anyone who knows him to not give out your personal contact information or location.
He sounds extremely unstable. Immigration.......you've gotta' love it huh? I'm so sick of this kind of crap. On the other hand; there are American born and bred people who are the same way....but just what we need....another pain in the *ss delivered to our country via our government.
Use your head. How much more of this persons crap are you going to allow to destroy your life and reputation?
P.S. you noticed that I only referred to this individual as a "person"; couldn't bring myself to call him a man, much less a husband.
2006-12-17 12:37:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am am sure you can find a counselor who speaks Korean. It is just a matter of looking for it on the web ot asking some friends. In this way,you can leave him feeling good about him being take care of.
2006-12-17 12:31:41 · answer #8 · answered by confuse06 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is abusive I would go to the police to seek protection. Leave him now while you can. Go and stay with family or friends for awhile while he cools off and you have finalized the divorce
2006-12-17 12:32:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if killing himself is what it's going to take for him to get over your leaving his sorry *** then so be it. Ask how's he gonna do it? Tell him you've got knives, gas, matches, etc. He can't say you never gave him anything.
2006-12-17 12:30:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just get a divorce and move on and remember we all learn from our mistakes. There is nothing wrong with getting a divorce when your not happy.
2006-12-17 12:30:44 · answer #11 · answered by trueangel121301 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋