It's getting hard to breathe?

Question

This isn't really a question. I just needed to share with somone. I'm stuck in this rut. My hubby & I can't communicate anymore. I've come to realize & accept that I am not a likeable person. He rather hang out with his friends than me. We tried to go to McCallisters & it seemed that he needed somone there so he wouldn't be alone with me. Then I tried to have fun with him & he brushed me off. I'm not sure how much more my heart can take. I don't want my daughter to see me cry. I feel I'm all alone in this world. I pray that someone would understand me. But because of my demeanor no one really wants to get to know me. He spent the night as his friends house again. It's a dude. Then he called trying to explain. I told him he didn't have to. Not to ease his mind (which he told me is how he would take it). I'm just sick of hearing the bull. When you really want someone you will be with them. Like he does his friends. I've become this completely different person. I don't even know what I..

don't even know what I like anymore. Everytime I go shopping now it's always something for the baby or having to do with the baby. Even then it's hard to make a decision. I question everyday if I should stay in this marraige because everyday I see how uncompatible and distant we've become. He says he loves me & wants to be with me but spends most of his time with his friends. I'm not the author of marraige but I figure when you really want someone you will be with them. No matter what he says his actions tell me otherwise. We've been together for 7 years and only been married one. I'm tired of asking him to come home. I'm his wife I don't think I should have to. I don't know what I'm doing with anything anymore. The only thing I know for certain is that I have to raise my daughter to be a strong woman. I can't do that unless she has a good example to follow by. When you don't like yourself the biggest fear is your child turning out like you. I want her to be a better person. Selah.

Answer 1

I would try to see a counselor or therapist who could help with your feelings of self-worth. It's hard to know someone just by reading a paragraph, but you seem like you've really poured your heart and soul out here. I suspect that you are probably an extremely likable person, but that you are suffering from some self-esteem issues that cause you to feel this way about yourself. Have you considered that maybe this is more of a problem that your husband is having than a problem of yours? It might help to suggest marriage counseling, but I also think individual counseling would help you. In the meantime, try planning a romantic date somewhere other than where his friends hang out. Make sure he knows that this is a date, and that you need some time alone with him, and not with his friends around! I wish you the very best, and I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

Answer 2

Sorry honey. You have no self esteem. You have so much to be proud of! You're an excellent mom! You love your husband despite him behaving unlovably much of the time! I would suggest that you would distance yourself from him emotionally to protect your heart and I only suggest this because your poor spirit is so damaged. Read Psalm 34, the entire chapter honey. Selah.
I know exactly how you feel. Also read Colossians 3:23 and do things 1st for God, then yourself and your daughter until that man comes around. Keep praying but you've GOT to boost your self perception and stop hating yourself. OF COURSE you're likeable and lovable! He has become the center of your universe and he hasn't even deserved or taken good care to get there.
You are a child of God. Walk like you know how much He loves you.
Selah

Answer 3

It sounds as though you are getting down on yourself because of the state of your marriage. It is important that you learn not to put yourself down and to be happy regardless of where you are in your relationship and your life. Also, if there is something in your demeanor that you feel is lacking and you are aware of it, why not work to change it so that you will feel better about yourself and so that you would be a better wife for your husband. But it is important to realize that results are not going to happen immediately. People, in the course of surviving, tend to protect themselves when negatives have occured so it may take awhile before your husband responds. Basically what I am saying is that don't expect immediate results when dealing with your husband. He may be going through some things that have nothing to do with you and you are misunderstanding him. Just be patient and loving toward yourself and him. Don't allow frustration to set in your mind. Life is a short gift and you should make the most of it regardless if things appear to be going your way or not. Good luck!

Answer 4

Why arent you a likable person?

Not all relationships are meant to last forever, regardless of the intentions we have when we get into them.

I dont know what is going on with you and your husband but it doesnt sound to me like you are that horrible. You sound like a caring, lonely person who is going through a hard time.

The only option I see here is for you to talk to your husband in a calm manner when you both are open to really discussing things. Set up a time to talk to him, take your daughter to a sitter, and find out why he is unhappy and tell him why you are feeling the way you are. Only after a truly heartfelt conversation with your husband will you know what you should do.

Answer 5

I was married for 28 years and the experience I had was so much like what you are going through now.

I suggest that you find a way to take more time for yourself and let him take on some of the responsibilities you deal with on a daily basis that tend to make his life simpler. If you don't take time out for yourself you may end up with to much time on your hands because he may not be there.

Just remember that no one will take care of you but you. No one really knows what is going on inside and one more suggestion is maybe go talk to someone one on one. Good luck

Answer 6

I'm thinking in order for you to be a strong woman, like you want your daughter to be, then it's time you start now and RULE the DAY!

Pack his things and have them in the driveway! I'm not saying jumping right into a divorce, but seperate. He's treating you less than one would treat their dog.

You deserve better, and so does your daughter.

Answer 7

If you are so unhappy, then definitely get some counseling. Perhaps try separating for a while to see if you are happier without him. Your daughter will be better off in a happy single-parent home than a two-parent home with parents who are both miserable.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Speak with a professional, to discover WHO you are, WHAT you want, and appreciate YOU. Breathing should then become a normal function! At which time, you'll be able to vigorously take on all the other minor ills in your life........including your mate.
Best of wishes to your new beginning!

Answer 9

its ok gurl I understand what u are going throgh dont beg him t love you cuz you got a duaghter that loves you and you love her so let me tell u what you got to do u got to get his stuff and throw it out side all of it but if you paid for it then keep it I dont care if it is a car u paid for it then tell him that it isover and dont let one tier come out your eyes cuz u can do so much better and let me tel u one more thing u should never let anybody tell or make u feel un pretty cause every woman is pretty in her own way

Answer 10

Divorce. You picked him for the wrong reasons. Bite the bullet. He's needy and you have become his therapist. Get out and start over.