Advice wanted: Husband staying out until 5am without calling?

Question

Last night, my husband stayed out until 5am drinking with his friends without calling. He came home very drunk and barely able to stand. I made him sleep downstairs because I was so filled with anger and worry. We were both supposed to go together, but I was feeling tired and so he said he'd just be gone for two hours to have a few drinks with his friend on his birthday.

I wouldn't be so angry, except that this is not the first time he's done this. He always apologizes in the morning with some lame excuse, and I've told him how it makes me feel -- but he still does it.

My question is, what do I do to let him know that I'm serious when I say that I can't put up with this crap anymore? I don't want a divorce.. I just want to show him I mean business. Thank you, in advance, for your answers.

Answer 1

I have two suggestions: Tell him if he's not home when he says he will be, you won't be there when he does get home. You have set a presidence...you are willing to forgive and forget and he will expect it every time. He's doing alot more than drinking, honey. So find you a friend/relative/motel room to go to. If he's not home at a reasonable hour, leave. He won't have you to put him to bed and he'll be worried as hell when he finally wakes up out of his stupor.

The other thing. Put chains on the doors so he can't get in. Make him stay outside and sleep in the car.

If you really want to put a stop to it you're not going to do it by accepting apologies and lame excuses, and making him sleep downstairs. The man needs to know there are boundaries!! If he's going to act like a dog, treat him like one. He'll get the message real quick.

Answer 2

After reading the question I realized that there was a plan to go out to celebrate his birthday. If you were not feeling all that good and stayed behind should he not celebrate with his birthday? Would it be fair to him, or if that happened to you? If the problem is more of the case he has been inconsiderate to you several times, then it sounds like a communication issue. Try to see things from both sides and ask him to do the same. Accept the going out (since it was already planned) but only with a call if he is going to be latter than expected. Does he have a cell phone? Try to call him? At the very worst case, by talking things through the both of you are making the effort to work this out. Maybe family counseling is the answer, but if there is a problem there needs to be a correction. Communication usually is the best first step to identifying the best method to take. Best wishes and good luck.

Answer 3

You need to sit him down for a heart to heart talk and let him know how you feel. Explain to him that it really hurts your feelings because it shows that he has no respect for you. Let him know if his behavior continues it could have some serious negative effects on your marriage. Believe me it will. Let him know that everytime he does something like this your feelings for him get weaker and weaker. If he does not want to change after that then maybe you need to seriously look at your relationship and see if you want to invest any more time in it.

Answer 4

Ultimatums seldom bring positive results, so try some gentle reasoning of how this is affecting your marriage, and build from there.

Answer 5

if u still love him i would call a family counseling service,or aaa,he mite have a drinking problem.tell him he has to attend or ur going to leave him until he straightens out. if he dosent,youll leave him...good luck

Answer 6

u can play his game against him. stay out til 5 and see if he care. or follow him whr were he go.

Answer 7

I would let him know that its unexceptable and if he does it ever again you will leave and then stick by it

Answer 8

if he does that give ask him a for divorce thats not right what he is doing.