Petty bickering? Why say sorry when he doesn't want to hear?

Question

Maybe it's me but I get increasingly frustrated when my husband, who is often spoiling for a fight and won't accept an apology. I'm not perfect I'm human and like the rest of us I can occassionally be at worst thoughtless but usually just a bit dippy or forgetful. A typical example would be if he asked me to pick up something from a shop on my way home from work, if I forget..... (I'm at that age when I can forget why I walked into a room,I put newspapers in the freezer and instantly forget someone's name after an introduction) anyway.... if I forget, I say I'm sorry, he imediately retaliates with 'No you're not... you always say that, you're not sorry at all you just can't be bothered..... rant ,rant .rant,' this is just a mild example... I can't win. It seems he is not happy unless he is painting the worst possible picture of me. If I believe him I must me the most thoughtless calculating and manipulative ***** ever.... I really don't think I am, and If I am, why does he stay?

Answer 1

You could stop the fight with a comment like "you're entitled to your own opinion" and after he gets plenty frustrated with that, he might actually listen to what you have to say. Another thing you might want to do would be to write yourself a list so that you don't forget. I'm very forgetful too, and lists seem to help me.
Most importantly, open up some dialog that's honest and not hurtful. Let him know how it makes you feel when he belittles you like that, he could be completely oblivious to how hurtful it really is. I know it sounds corny but, as a guy, I can attest that we can be "obliviously hurtful". We really don't realize, at times, what our rants do emotionally to others.
Best of luck

Answer 2

I started off by feeling sorry for you but then realised that I am married to a man who does what you do and you have no idea how stressful it is to rely on someone to do something simple and they constantly forget. Although I don't go on a rant (it does my angina no good at all) it is incredibly frustrating. I pointed out to him a couple of weeks ago that forgetting something once is fine - doing it constantly suggests that he cannot be bothered to even come up with a strategy to prevent it happening and it makes me feel that obviously I am not important enough for him to make the effort. Something as simple as writing a list in a small diary you keep in your handbag should be enough to solve the problem (I'm assuming you care enough to make the effort) However, if this is not the only thing your husband goes off on a rant about them perhaps you should consider your future with him.

Answer 3

Next time he asks you to get something after work suggest he gets it himself as you're worried you might forget! Sounds like he's just trying to make you out to be the bad guy when really he can't be bothered to try himself. Does he ever say sorry? Maybe he just wants you to feel bad so you don't notice all his faults.

Answer 4

Dun start belittling yourself, have some pride and stop saying sorry so much
Sorry is a powerful word but if use frequently, it loses it's meaning. It's just as good as the word 'Hey'

Answer 5

The question is: Why do YOU stay???? If he treats you like that, why do you stay with him and let him talk to you that way...
If he's not happy with the way you forget things, then just tell him to pick up his own things...

Answer 6

you know its very frustrating when somebody keeps forgetting what you say, so learn to remember! but your hubby shouldn't treat you like a child so don't bother apologising next time until he learns to respect you. if he keeps on at you get him out because he will eat away at your confidence

Answer 7

Stand up to him or completely ignore him when he starts men hate that.