The focus of "Preservation of Summer" is to allow us to experience summer all year by viewing close up images only available during the warm months.
I would be thrilled if you have any suggestions of how to make it sound better!
2006-12-17 02:42:07 · 14 answers · asked by jenniferaboston 5 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Kacky, it's not homework. I am showing my photography in a gallery and I need to explain what the show is about. I wanted to know if my sentence was clear and correct. Why are you so rude?
2006-12-17 02:56:07 · update #1
You should not start the sentence with the phrase "The focus of".
It is the same as writing the phrase "I'm writing to tell you the following ..." You just write "the following".
"PoS" allows us to experience summer all year by viewing images only available during the warm months.
This is a much more professionally-written sentence and explanation. The sentence that you wrote is very sophomoric. This is not meant as an attack. I only mean this as an explanation of my humble opinion.
2006-12-17 04:34:57 · answer #1 · answered by bird_brain_88 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way I'd write it would be, ""Preservation of Summer" focuses on allowing us to experience summer all year by viewing close up images only available during the warm months."
= ]
2006-12-17 03:47:13 · answer #2 · answered by Silv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Preservation of Summer is a presentation of images designed to allow the experience of summer all year long.
2006-12-17 03:00:46 · answer #3 · answered by soobee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems o.k. to me.
Perhaps you could write it like this : "Preservation of Summer" focuses on allowing us to experience summer all year round by us being able to view close-up images available only during the warm months.
2006-12-17 02:50:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How about this: The focus of "Preservation of Summer" is to allow us to experience summer all year by viewing images, close up, that we usually associate with warmer months.
(I don't see anything wrong with your way, this is just an alternative.) : )
2006-12-17 02:56:35 · answer #5 · answered by vega868 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might try:
"Preservation of Summer" allows us to experience summer all year by presenting to us images available only during the warm months."
2006-12-17 02:47:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
No need to rewrite. It is grammatically correct and the meaning is quite clear. Your sentence reads better than whatever anyone above my answer suggested, stick with it
2006-12-17 02:51:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-27 00:13:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"PRESERVATION OF SUMMER" IS TO ALLOW THE ONLOOKER TO EXPERIENCE SUMMER ALL YEAR LONG BY VIEWING UP CLOSE IMAGES AVAILABLE ONLY DURING WARM MONTHS.
2006-12-17 12:46:34 · answer #9 · answered by krankyone 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Technically it is correct but Imaka's suggestion cleans it up perfectly.
2006-12-17 02:48:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋