having alot of personal problems in marriage!! in laws keep butting in what do i do???

Question

we have been married for 16 yrs and have 4 kids together.

Answer 1

Tell the inlaw to mind there on business, before they ruin your marriage.

Answer 2

First: The kids. See if you should enroll them in the after school program. There is Academic Support from 3 to 4, and activity from about 4:30 to 6. I require that my 14 year old attend Academic Support. He can opt out on the activity. But his homework has to get done. This should take some strain off homework time at home.

Second: Kids, again. Establish a routine of dinner, a shower, and quiet or homework finishing time, and then bed. There needs to be a definite time when the day has ended. At 9:30 (whenever) everyone is organized for tomorrow and is in bed.

This leaves an hour or so in the evenings for you and your man to chill. Take the time to do the things that you enjoy. Play a video game, take a hot bath, do your nails, read a book..... Just so you each have that down time.

Third: Communication. When you speak with your man speak with Respect. Respond to what he says, not React. Take a breath, think of what you want to say, and say it calmly and respectfully. This teaches Respect. And hopefully aids your communication. If the conversation is going where you start to tense up, just say, "Hon, I can't talk about this right now." and end the conversation. Give yourself time to collect your thoughts and feelings and find an appropriate way to communicate them. Discussions with your man should always remain between just you and him. Private. No one else should have input unless it is solicited.

Next time the in laws volunteer to help, make a suggestion. "MIL, you know what would really help? Can you take the kids overnite on the 10th, as we were just talking about having a nite to ourselves..."

....Can you keep the kids on Saturday afternoon and feed them lunch, just for a little while?

.....Can you get Joey to his soccer practice Tuesday?

......Would you mind taking Suzie to her girlfriends on Friday nite for us?

Let them help on the level you need. Advice really isn't helping, action is.

Then take a look at your man and let him know what it is you admire about him. Don't discuss negative issues. Remember there was a time when the mortgage was not the only topic of conversation. Reconnect your friendship, put some intimacy time back in your schedule.

Try to rest, think about taking a daily vitamin, try to eat nutritious meals.....and then see if you and he don't just resolve things yourselves.

Answer 3

after sixteen years and four kids if you are still allowing yourself to be navigated, you are great. u did nt say what topics they are butting in - in raising kids or the way you manage your family affairs. because we have to draw a line somewhere. it just cannot be that your hushand is being manipulated against you - you have long passed that stage. so i would suggest you have a one-to-one discussion with the most inquisitive of your laws and find out what is bugging him/her. may be there's something you have neglected to take care of, and due to your seniority in the family, they feell shy to talk with you about. once you speak frankly about the things bugging them, you could come to terms with the problem and i am sure there wont be any more intrusions from your inlaws. this will also give you a opportunity to know whether the intrusions are well-meant or just to tease you. if it is well-meant, you should thank them for it. if it is to tease you, you can always take correctional action like to tell them where they get off and so on.

Answer 4

To begin with, you should not speak of yourself in such a degrading manner. If you feel as though you are a little overweight, then you should try exploring different types of exercise regimes. Exercising will also brighten your mood and attitude about yourself. I would suggest something that offers you fun and fitness. This will also provide a positive social outlet for you to start a new beginning. You can change everything about yourself physically, but if your do not love yourself from within, you will never be satisfied.

Answer 5

Wow, after 16 yrs you should be used to it by now..LOL. Seriously, it is true that when you get married in a way you marry the family. It's a package deal. Since you didn't give any detail as to how they are driving you crazy all I can say is to try to have patience and get through it the best you can. At least you don't have to be with them everyday.

Answer 6

how do the inlaws know you're having personal problems? perhaps you need to sit down with your spouse and have a talk. we're all guilty at one time or another of talking to others about our problems rather that to the person(s) we're having the problems with. in the mean time, ask your inlaws to respect your privacy - as you respect theirs? talk to your spouse about keeping problems at home, at home! and if you can't resolve issues between you and your spouse, have you considered an impartial party? like a counselor?

Answer 7

You need to tell the in laws that you can handle your marriage quite well and do no need any advice from them

Answer 8

you need to tell your mate to tell inlaws to please stay out of your personal problems, that are happening between the two of you. it does not include the entire family,just the two of you's and your mate needs to make this clear. i'm not sure on their intentions, but if they continue to but in, tell them you are cutting off all contact with them until your problems are fixed.

Answer 9

Tell them to butt out, if and when you want their advice you will ask for it.