My husband and I are retired and are ok financially--not great just okay---daughter doesn't have a steady job and I'm concerned she will not be able to make payments--she wants a new toyato cruiser Not the land cruiser--How can I make her see that she is setting herself up for failure and putting undo stress on me---my husband needs full time care and I'm stressed already---please help me
2006-12-17 02:29:19 · 12 answers · asked by abc 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Alice, you are the one thinking rationally in this situation. And I assure you I would have no trouble just saying "H*LL NO" to someone without a steady job and who wants a "new" car. TOO BAD. Life is like that. And you will be doing a great parenting job to say NO.
But to ease your conscience and help her, you both need to read 2 books: Dave Ramsey's book The Total Money Makeover and another by a different author Boundaries. Ramsey focuses on helping people starting from a situation of deep debt thru wealth and giving. But the most important factor is that car debt is the biggest killer of income... and income is your biggest and best wealth-building tool.
Good Luck
2006-12-17 02:36:48 · answer #1 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there,
I was in this situation approx 4 years ago. I am 23 and listen to me when I tell you that you need to let her find her way. My parents let me figure it out and it has made me a better person. Tell her that you love her but because you love her you want her to get a job and save up some money to buy a more reasonable car. Young people have a tendency to look at others around them and chances are her friends parents have bought them cars and she might try to use this as manipulation. Trust me...it would be best for her for you to have her figure it out...AKA "Tough love". After all..love is doing what is best for the other person. She has every right to ask you...and you have every right to answer her with a no...it will build her character. Good luck and best wishes :)
2006-12-17 03:49:51 · answer #2 · answered by hellokitty23 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
On a personal note, no matter how you say no you've got to face it, " she will be upset"
Personal experience "DON'T DO IT"
I have helped both my sons out and it turned out OK BUT this last time I made a major mistake.
I let my son put all his bills $13,000 on my credit card
three years ago and it has yet to get much below the $13,000.
This has terribly hurt our relationship. As I am hurt and angry. His wife avoids me and I know that's why. I get the mail so know when it's not paid etc.
I call and I only get the fantasy of how they are going to pay the whole thing off.
Dear lady don't do it.
You have done everything in the world for your child. She will see this as she matures. Hope this helps.
2006-12-17 03:06:56 · answer #3 · answered by frailangel1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LIfe in general is too risky. One doesnt know from one day to the next, no matter how comfortable one may seem today. We, of the older generation know that. But yunguns need to learn for themselves. Knowing the circumstance, she should not have even asked. Simply let know that you dont feel comfortable with it. You have a perfect right to say no. If she's determined, she will find a way. It's not YOUR place. She has put you in an uncomfortable situation. Do NOT allow her to create guilt on your behalf. You have circumstance to live with. You dont need to live with circumstance that she creates for herself.
2006-12-17 02:40:59 · answer #4 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is your daughter. You don't have to say no in a way that won't hurt her feelings. Obviously she has no feelings or she would not be putting this kind of pressure on her parents. Just say NO plain and simple. Then put it out of your mind and enjoy you and your husbands retirement. Kids have a way of sucking the life out of you. Don't let her do it.
2006-12-17 02:34:28 · answer #5 · answered by sunny 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She sounds a bit selfish. If she had a job, kept it, paid bills on time regularly, she would have the credit rating required to get it. Tell her that she is an adult and has to act like one if she wants to be treated like one and get the rewards of being one. So, earn it! And leave the two of you alone to enjoy yourselves. You're done raising her. She needs to stand on her own two feet now.
2006-12-17 02:39:46 · answer #6 · answered by DivaDynamite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her your reasons and say NO. She needs to get a job and grow up and learn how to live in the real world.
2006-12-17 02:32:22 · answer #7 · answered by I heart pineapple soda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just say no. If you say yes and she misses payments and ruins your credit it will cause More pain than as if you had said no. Just say no good luck..
2006-12-17 02:41:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say no. She is rude and ridiculous to even ask.
2006-12-18 02:15:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont be nice! tell her in no uncertain terms, you cannot afford HER lifestyle! tell her if she cant do it on her own that MAYBE she cant afford it either...
stand up to her
dont let her bully you
2006-12-17 02:34:09 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋