I am lesbian and sometimes get very derogatory comments from family. It hurts as I have always been there for?

Question

I have always been there for them.I do not judge them in their relationships.What should I do?

Answer 1

I can totally relate to how you feel. But you have to still be yourself. Many people have the idea that if no one esle is there for you your family will be. But sometimes they are the main ones that hurt you. But do your part, love them, embrace them( even if they are ignorant to the lifestyle) and be yourself. My family just seems to not get it, they must think that if the judge me that I will change but its not like that. I just dealt with it and most of them have gotten the picture and realize that the more they talk about me, the stronger I get. Be strong girl because if you get down to that level because then you will be no better. I feel that God made us strong for this purpose. I do everything that O can for my family and they still treat me lke dirt sometimes...but they will understand....even if it kills them....because I refuse to let it kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Be determined. Pick date, make a list preferable from the 1st of January and from that date on whoever don't accept you as you are take them out from your list. Do not talk to them and whenever they come to realize that you have been apart for a while. They will come and ask you. AND then is the moment to confront them and ask them why they misstreat you. Cuz that's what it is, MISSTREATMENT.Then you let them now that if they behavior continue to be as negative you would have no choice but not to talk to them anymore. That is the only way they would understand that even though you a different sexual preference than what is called "normal" you are still a human beign with feelings and those feelings have been hurt to many times by "family members" Sometimes people outside your family become so close that you treat them better than your family. This people it's what you should called your real family. Whenever your family realize that a particular is getting better treatment than them, there is another time to confront and tell them, that's what they get for being the way they are with you. I don't think is going to hurt to have to leave your family behind because of they acts. Yes at times you will feel like you are wrong and should apologize. Thisa is the time when you have to be strong and don let this fool you. You have to be more than secure that they are not going to humiliate you or misstreat you NEVER AGAIN!!! Good Luck

Answer 3

Hi,

You don't say how old you are and whether or not you are living at home.

Basically I have been 'out' now for about twelve years (I'm 27) now. It does get easier but I've found that the more confident and matter of fact I am about my sexuality the less people say things. I know it's unfair but if your family see that they're comments are having an effect they might think that a) they are going to be able to dissuade you b) think that you're not 100% per sure.

I would try and be firm but very composed and say something like 'I'm sorry that you feel that way, I would like you to be happy for me - because I'm happy and not ashamed of who I am. However, if you find it hard to do that, then I would appreciate it if you would keep your negative comments to yourself.'

I know it hurts when they say mean stuff but I'm sure they are probably unaware of how much it hurts your feelings. For many people anything 'different' scares them to death and they are frightened that you have become something they don't understand but have probably heard many negative things about from when they were very little.

My family were fine about gay people, but reacted badly when someone in their own family came out (at least at first). Now they are fully accepting - even my grandparents. It was easier for me because I was old enough to have my own life and for them to see that after 7 years of being with my partner this wasn't a phase. They were also able to see that no terrible harm has befallen me and that I'm very happy.

If you want to talk more about this please email me.

Answer 4

Dom you live at home? do you have friends outside your family? I hope the family are not like my late partner's family who were extreme bigots. Having been brought up in their "religion" Gwenneth could face them down when they became too hateful. I regret that I could only offer love and support as none of them would speak to me.
If you would like to e/m me, click on my avatar and use the em prompt.
You have my support and care.
Kind regards, Rose P.

Answer 5

Look them straight in the eye and ask them "What right do you have to tell me how to live my life the way I want? I am not hurting you in any shape way of form." and go from there. After that I would drop them like a bad habit.

It hurts, I know, but in relationships were bigotry reigns, there is always pain.

Answer 6

Just try to be open minded to their comments, hopefully they're returning that to you, sometimes families are the first to knock you down, but the first to pick you up. Good luck!

Answer 7

If your family can't support your decision of your sexual orientation. Try to explain to them why you feel this way and if they can't accept it. Get on with your life and live it the way you think is right.

Answer 8

Spend less time with them. Sooner or later, they will come around and realize that that is driving a wedge between you and them.

Answer 9

if they can't love you and accept you for who you are, then try to distance yourself from them and find new friends.. if you have a girlfriend, then get to know her family. hopefully they will be more open and accepting. and reach out to gay/bi/les organizations online or in your community.. tie gay/bi/les communites are like 2nd families to most people.. we all know what we have to go thru and we are all here to support and love each other.

Answer 10

Look them straight in the eye, and say "why would you say such a horrible thing to me? Have I ever said anything that cruel to you?"