My husband is a very selfish person. He expects me to take care of him, take care of the house, pay all the bills, work full time, and have a business on the side.
He never takes me out. He has only gotten me two gifts in the whole almost 3 years of our marriage. He has never gotten me flowers, ever. He never cooks for me. Never even sends me e-cards. If I need help with something and ask, he either ignores the question or says no; then expects me to help him whenever he needs it. He won't go to counseling. He won't go to church. He won't even call his friends.
Could he be depressed and selfish? Just depressed? Just selfish?
I want this marriage to work, but I am emotionally empty. I no longer feel what I used to feel for him.
We don't have children (he says we are not ready), although I want some so bad I cry by myself at night.
What can I do?
2006-12-17 01:59:00 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I mean help him get out of it.
2006-12-17 01:59:40 · update #1
Sounds like he is lazy. What does he spend his time on. Ask him what he has done for the relationship - - he probably won't have an answer. Then explain to him that it takes two to have a relationship and not one. Tell him that you are tired and need a little help. If he is unwilling to do anything - - then you have no recourse but the go your own paths.
2006-12-17 02:10:35 · answer #1 · answered by Neo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has some deep emotional issues. And as cliche' as it is "he has to want help". Your husband seems content with the way the world is, seeing nor reason to change. How was his upbringing? Did his dad treat his mom similar to how he is treating you? One rule I have always had in life is never hurt yourself to help someone else especially someone who doesn't see a need to be helped. 2 hurt people seldom make it long term. Being emotionally empty and no longer feeling for him especially if there is not a feeling love are two sure signs it's over. I would not suggest a "break" because most time people change for a bit then go back to their old ways. Get prepared for a divorce: call an attorney, find a place to live (if you're the one calling it quits you should be the one to leave in my opinion), get your finances in order, and tell only the family and friends that you know will support you.
2006-12-17 10:09:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK and so why are you in love with this man? Read what you wrote. Do you think any woman would want a man like this? I have to think that he was like this before you married him. You must have known what you were getting into. You are miserable now, do you really think having children with this loser is wise? Do you really think he is going to change? Think of your future. Get out now while you have the chance. Don't bring children into this loveless marriage.
2006-12-17 10:08:27 · answer #3 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Short of re-raising the man, you're don't really have a lot of options.
This is his personality (see above). You're drained and you think you are supposed to dredge up the energy to fix someone who doesn't think there's anything to fix. Give it up, dear.
You can try a separation, and see if a lightbulb doesn't click in his brain. Short of that, you can't make other people do.
2006-12-17 11:42:14 · answer #4 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A leapord will never change its spots, suggest that you just leave him to save you soul, i guess he will just be as bad to the next women which comes along. Leave him, he is a good for nothing, selfish, childish, silly idiot, im very glad i left mine behind. And im alright after that, the best thing is that my life actually improves after leaving him. God bless you , may he bring you courage and lightens up your life. He did that to me too.
2006-12-17 10:20:26 · answer #5 · answered by jade s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help people, they have to help themselves. State that you are unhappy and if he still doesn't care, leave.
Be careful with the "depression" thing, some folks toss it around only so they don't have to take responsibility for their actions or lack there of. Even still, depressed or not...people can only change if THEY want to change.
2006-12-17 10:17:23 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not emotionally empty. You are full of emotion. For your husband : do not all you can; spend not all you have. Share your emotion with nature. Go through creative works whatever you like.
2006-12-17 10:21:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People like that think the world revolves around them and that others "owe" them. Screw that, you've got a life to live and deserve someone who appreciates all that you do and doesn't take you for granted.
2006-12-17 10:09:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he won't go to couseling, it is time to leave the marriage to save what is left of your sanity. BTW didn't you see this behavior before you got married?
2006-12-17 10:04:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you wasting your time with this man. Just run away be happy. Life is short.
2006-12-17 10:18:49 · answer #10 · answered by rams 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋