What can I do to get his attention? Been having this fight for 5 years?

Question

I always feel like my husband doesnt take me seriously.When he says or does things that upset me,I try to tell him but he just laughs at me.I hate having to repeat myself all the time,but worse I hate how angry I get,I yell,I cuss,I stomp,I even might throw something,all in a DESPERATE attempt to get him to stop laughing at me,or at least turn his head towards me and look at me instead of the TV.Even my fits don't get his attention,and a few hours later,or the next day,there he is-doing something that I asked him not to do!For example he sneaks up on me all the time and makes me feel like I always have to look over my shoulder,that is the last fight that spurred me to ask this question,I yelled at him once again to ask not to sneak up on me,he kept laughing at me while I explained my reasoning,so finally I threw a plastic bowl and fork at him.And I find myself always asking for advice about his behavior,so I am starting to wonder if this marriage is even worth it?I feel so disrespected

Answer 1

as Dear Abby would say: go to counseling, if he won't go with you, go alone. You and he have some problems to work through: if he is not interested in solving them, you have to ask yourself if you can put up with the status quo, or if you need to leave.

Violence is Not the answer.

Answer 2

He is pushing your buttons girlfriend!, and he loves your reaction, you are playing right into he's game. When he sneaks up on you try to ignore him, once you try to explain don't get mad if he is laughing or not paying attention, Just say "hon, I don't like it." And the reason way and leave it alone, he if does it again don't react, he will stop. Right now its a game to him. So just stop playing into it. So when you are throwing things at him jumping up and down and having a fit, you are only making yourself upset. So take a deep breath and turn this around, you will be alright. Good Luck.

Answer 3

You are going to have to find something that works here that gets his attention. Obviously what you are doing is not working and only getting you more and more frustrated. I am sorry for your pain, it is coming through very loud and clear in this question. And sneaking up behind you is never a good thing. And some really do not understand the problem. I think your husband has a very huge sense of humor and really is not being insensitive but just being him self. Try to talk to him when things are calm and explain to him that you really need for him to listen and be serious for a moment. I wish you luck with this one. God bless****

Answer 4

If you are unhappy, disrespected, and even worse...becoming a person that you don't want to be...then you have to do something about it other than complain. After 5 years, it's become a long established pattern, and I doubt if it will ever get much better in this marriage.

You would be better off finding someone who will have respect for you...a genuine interest in your opinions, and happiness. I don't know how you can live your life without it, and once you have it, you will not believe that you let this go on so long.

Answer 5

He sounds autistic. Has anyone ever evaluated him?

If it is autism then he will not be able to learn appropriate behavior, nor will he be able to relate to you emotionally.

Autistic people can often be depressed because their inappropriate behaviors do not allow them relationships with their peers. If he is depressed, then eventually you will become depressed, also. (Not that you are not depressed and exhaused from this now)

Forget pitching a fit. Autistics do not link a punishment with their own behavior. To him you are just pitching fit, and it is funny. Because he cannot process that it is a reaction to his behavior.

That is why he needed help as a child. You can not intervene at this late stage. You can try counseling, I have little hope in this, you can decide to stay and live with the behaviors, or you can get your self out and start living a healthy, normal lifestyle.

Answer 6

Well he knows you really don't mean anything you say because you just talk - and every now and then throw things. But it's all talk. Talk, talk, talk. Never action.

No offense but a typical chick. And guys know this. Endure their talking and you can do whatever you want. Because women never act. Men beat them - what do they do, leave? NOPE. They TALK about it. They talk about leaving. They talk about how it hurts. They talk about their feelings. Anything change? Nope but d*mmit I talked a sh*tload about it today.

2 quick examples. I'm at a professional development seminar. Mostly women, 30% guys. Sitting next to a woman. Vendor demos a product. She asks me, does it do this or that? I say, go see after he's done with the demo. Demo ends, she says, "Please come with me. I wanna see if it does ABC." I don't even know this broad. I tease and say "Nah, go alone." She gives up and starts to leave, I go, "Okay, I'll go with you." Bang she's right up there testing the product. Women = talk; men = action.

So example two, now you have to back up your talk with zero throwing (which he sees as childish entertaining frustration), zero screaming (more fun for him), and 100% ACTION.

You must be 100% consistent or this doesn't work. If you can't back up your words with actions, get the f*ck out now - he will always have the upper hand in your marriage.

Try this - add consistent fair consequences to his misbehaviors. If he sneaks up behind you again - no sex the next time he wants some. (Of course let him start, then when he gets good and ready, tell him you are 'sneaking up behind him' to inform him no here kitty kitty tonight.) Tell him if he stops sneaking up on you, you'll stop sneaking up on him. (I normally hate women who use sex as a weapon but this guy is an a$shole and needs drastic measures.)

If he forgets important dates or tasks, 'forget' to cook. 'forget' to do laundry. 'forget' about the blowj*b you promised him wednesday night. 'forget' to pick up his precious cocoa krispies at von's. 'forget' he likes his back scratched when you watch tv.

if he laughs at you, laugh when he whips out his dick. laugh when he wants toilet paper in the head. look at him and laugh when you talk to you g/f on the phone.

just play his game, as childish as it is. if you are consistent, he will [a] sh*t kittens but act like he's cool, [b] pout [c] fight like h*ll, [d] give in.

if he doesn't, dump his disrespecting childish a$s for a real man. this angry spiteful little boy might not be worth all the effort.

Answer 7

Honestly, it sounds like you are the one out of control. Throwing things is never alright. Are you sure it isn't that time of the month for you? Because sometimes I start going off on my husband without even knowing it and he'll give me a look or a smile and then I suddenly realize how rediculous I'm being. I think maybe you're unable to stand back and evaluate your own actions.

Answer 8

Leave him, if its all your say. You Need To Do Something Dramatic. and if this doesn't work it's over but at least you know where you stand . Good Luck think things over carefully.

Answer 9

He would sneak up one me one time and would find my fist in his nose. Turn around and haul off and deck him. Maybe he will take that hint.

Answer 10

Sneak up on him and scare the **** outta him. Then laugh. Give him a dose of his own medicine.