Should he be allowed to see his children????

Question

The father of my children is a complete and total dead beat. He always complains that he doesn't see his kids because of lack of money. I told him that money wasn't the most important thing, just be involved in their life, and he still wouldn't come see them. He has so many excuses. In the meantime, I really need his help, because I have developed a hernia, which doesn't allow me to work and I can't have surgery until after January. He recently got locked up and had weed on him. When he finally called, I cursed him out because for a year I've been hearing how he doesn't have money but he can afford to buy weed, new clothes, etc. In the mean time I'm taking care of 2 kids, with the help of my best friend, and I do hair, but somedays I really can't work because of the pain from the hernia. He wants to see the kids when he gets out. He hasn't been there for them and they don't know him. I don't see the point in disrupting their lives when he's gonna bail on them again anyway.

I have been trying to get child support but he works construction and get's paid under the table, so I can't prove that he has an income.

Answer 1

This may sound very mean, however, i am being very honest here. You must seperate yourself from this situation and stand back in a mental sense. You should allow him to see the chidlren and he should be a constant within their lives. However, you can not make him do anything. You are obvioulsy hurt and still have feelings for him. That may or may not ever change. Dont tell the chidlren anything bad about their father, they have nor had any choice in the choosing of whom their father is or would be. He is what he is and you choose him. So you must ensure that you are the best mother you can be. And be greatful, yes, greatful. Turn a negative into a positive, yes you do have to have surgery, and he is not available and even if he were not in jail probably still would not be available to assist you as he should. But, you do have a loving suppport system of friends who are willing and able to assist you. And you have healthy children. You have a skill you are able to maintain support of your children. Stop worrying about what he is and is not doing. You will drive yourself crazy, concentrate on being the best you can be and doing the best you can do. In the end the children will see what their father did or did not do for them. And it will be very painful for them as they grow and he is not available. Do not add to the pain by speaking ill of him. All of your anger and frustration toward him is not going to have a changing effect on him. That will have to come from within him, and their is nothing you can do. So quit wasting your time and energy on things you can not change. Work the the issues you have control over. Your life, your chidlren, your health, your healing. And be greatful for the chidlren the fact that you have loving individuals around you that are willing and able to be supportive of you and what you are trying to accomplish. And dont leave God out of the equotion. He will give you the courage, strenght and wisdom to endure any and all circumstances. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless you and God speed with your recovery. ****

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry that you have this problem - because raising two kids on your own is tough. You need to look at what's best for the kids. A father who is in trouble with the law may not be the best influence for the kids.
I know that kids need both parents but sometimes one othe parents (like your x) is more of a child than the kids! I agree that distrupting the kids life is really bad. Tell the deadbeat Dad that when he gets his act together and when he starts taking responsibility as the Father (financially and otherwise) he will be given the responsbility and joy of spending time with them. Until that time you need to keep the kids under your protective wings - try to get some assistance through Social Services if possible. Remember - the focus is the 'kids'! Stay away from the deadbeat - you will put your kids at risk letting him visit with them!

Answer 3

I feel that your only responsible is to the Children. Some people feel as though because they made a child that give the rights 2 the child wheat er they have ever been their for them, as a father or mother should Be, i say HELL NO. he has no right 2 enter into their life's and **** it up for them, again Hell No. If he wants 2 be their father where the money, time, encouragement, sitting up with them doing homework, putting them to bed, wiping the runny noses, their relationship with this Sperm donner, doesn't consituted him being a father......... You are Bothe Father and Mother"""" Now He's a Jailbird why would you want that around your Children. He's not even loving himself or he wouldn't put himself in Harms way.. Don't Trust this Fool with Your Babies.

Answer 4

I do not believe that the professionals can manage if a baby molester chooses to have kids, until....until he's on chemical castration cure, which suppresses his libido and wish toward intercourse often. It almost always relies on which state you're in, however very nearly, as soon as a con is off probation and has completed doing his time, the legislation particularly has no jurisdiction over what he does or how he lives his existence. Will he ought to sign in as a baby molester /sexual wrongdoer? Yes, that is is a demand in lots of states(now not certain whether it is in all states). Will the police officers nonetheless watch him? Only if he hangs round areas wherein children are, performing suspiciously, and many others, or if any one in his vicinity notices that he is making an attempt to get nearly kids(in the event that they even observe that he's a baby molester). Remember that there are more than a few stages of sexual offenses regarding the underneath elderly. If, for illustration, he used to be 19 and had intercourse with any one who wasn't the authorized age to deliver consent, even supposing she used to be greater than inclined, it's regarded a intercourse offense/sexual molestation. Then there are the actual pedophiles who pray on children. That's the variety of intercourse offenses. The different unhappy factor is that many intercourse offenders molest their possess children, their children' peers, and many others. Or they marry females with small children and molest them. I do not believe that a molester can particularly be averted from having touch with children, a technique or one other.

Answer 5

Well this is a hard one, i was myself a child of divorce and my dad wasnt the best but when he was with me he made our time together happy and memorable. If your children want to see thier father and you stop him they will go against you in the end not him. I know its not fair but thats just the way children work. I would definately try and give him an ultimatum. This is so tuff cause its one of those win loose situations but i ve seen it time and time again the children will always blame you unless of course they can see what a dead beat he is and they dont want to see him. But if they do then you will have to go along with it. Let him see them in your presence or maybe does he have parents that you can trust. The kids could go there and if he wants to see them he can. Kids are resiliant to being let down i know its heartbreaking ive been thru it and i loved my dad till the day he died he was my hero. Now i have 5 children and my husband is with me and doesnt spend alot of time with them so i do feel for you. Good luck

Answer 6

I am divorced have been for 13 yrs and raised 2 kids who are 21 & 24 now. They have a dead beat dad who worked for cash money and never pd child support but he had money for his drugs. He would make appoints to see the kids and never show up. He never had anything to do with them. Now that they are older and do not need his money he decided he wanted to see them. Well it is a little to late they do not want anything to do with him. You do not have to say anything bad about him while they are growing up believe me they will see who takes care of them and loves them. Like I told him years ago he would regret what he was doing and that he would die a lonely old man because one day he would realize what he missed out on and it would be to late and it is. My kids told him he was just a sperm donner and that does not make him a Dad. Dad's are someone special! Good Luck!

Answer 7

If you were married and are now divorced it should specify in the decree how much child support he has to pay. If he isn't paying it make a trip to your local DHS office and tell them about it and they may be able to help you financually. If you weren't married tell them and he maybe required to take a DNA test to prove he's the father. Then he will be required to pay. Either way you have started a paper trail in the legal system and can make his life pretty miserable, because in a lot of states it's pay yup of go to jail. And you can discuss the visitation rights at the same time with DHS. Lots of luck

Answer 8

Have you been to court to try and get child support? That should be the first thing you do. Go get food stamps and ask for financial help with the children. They will go after him. I wish you the best. I don't think he should see the kids until he starts taking responsibility.

Answer 9

you poor lass your really having a bad time of things aren't you i do hope things improve for you. id be inclined to agree with you but from the kids point of view its best if they see him and make up their own mind about him, they could resent you when they get older even though you are protecting them from inevitably of their fathers bad behavior, im a child of a father who abused drugs and didn't do right by his children and the more my mam tried to stop me from seeing him the more i wanted to but i would stop visits if he is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. just let him come to you he either will leave all visiting rights which you want or he will visit and the kids wont want to see him but in the end the kids will lose out but that's his fault not yours.good luck for the future

Answer 10

if he is such a looser...and your kids have some stability why whould you bother them with him in their life?
take care of your kids and look for help somewhere else...because it looks like he will never be there, exept when he is so down and he has no other ways to feel good.good luck and don;t be descouraged even if your life might be difficult right now.