My husband drinks and he doesn't care.?

Question

My husband has always been a 'big drinker', but for the last year or so, 5 out of 7 nights he drinks the equivalent of a bottle of wine, if not more. He drinks to get drunk and has no care about how I feel about it. He thinks he's doing what he wants to do and is in control of it. He reckons he's not an alcoholic because he's not looking for a drink when he wakes up. We have two small children and he is wanting a third. He's a loving father but doesn't bother with the detail of child care, he just is happy to play with them when he has to. We are going through some stressful times which is leaving us both very down. But I can see he's on a slippery path..but ultimately I feel he's being very self centred. He's not harming us, but he's doing nothing for our relationship. If I could afford it and if I had the support, I think I'd leave him. He's not a bad man, he's a good catch, except for the drinking. What do you think?

Answer 1

If you are having problems in your marriage that is probably the reason he is drinking heavier as it would be to block out all of his worries. I only say this because that is exactly what my husband did and still does at times. He also enjoys a drink but then again l am also a social drinker. Some men and women think that drinking themselves stupid will solve their problems or atleast block them from their minds. Little do they know it only makes their problems worse the next day when they are also suffering from a hangover. Drinking does not really pick anyone up it can have the complete opposite affect at times and make you more depressed. I don't know that l would say he is being self centred but he could very well be on a path of self destruction unless you two try to sort out your problems. You said yourself he is not a bad man and he is a loving father so l honestly feel you can work things out . He has to accept that he has a problem with drinking first though and from the sounds of things that could be a major problem for him to do. I think you should sit down with him and calmly explain your concerns. Be honest with him and try to make him see reason, without any yelling or screaming ofcourse as you do not want to upset your children. Hopefully with communication he will understand where you are coming from and try to change his ways. Tell him you love him and just want peace and happiness with him. Hope it all works out well for you . Good luck and Merry Xmas to you all.

Answer 2

Ma ' am your wrong --- he really is harming you and your children.By selfishness , lack of support to you.your children will (they are already ) suffer and things won't get better , until he gets a grip.My father is an alcoholic. He drinks every night.However he says since he goes to work everyday , and has a new home his alcoholism isn't hurting anyone.He has no idea how much it has affected our relationship.I have many resentments towards him.And your children will be the same way - as he progresses in his drinking.Please let him know you won't stand by while he disregards your feelings , and be a so - so father to your children.It should wake him up , and if it doesn't you'll have to find some sort of financial help and leave.It's the only way he'll understand how much he's hurting you.Sorry to sound so blunt , and maybe Little cold about this subject , but I've lived the horrors of of alcoholism - it stinks - for all those involved

Answer 3

I'm sorry, No I'm not, I don't agree with you, not at all, you see he's not a good father, husband and provider, he's kiling himself slowly.
So, in fact I'm right on all points. I could tell you horror stories about drinking, you see I'm 68 years old and I've been around that corner more then a few times Honey. You will be without a husband, a father for you children and a provider so, He is not doing himself any favors and neither are you and in fact your ignoreing it.
This is what you should do. Sit down with him when he's lucid, before he has his first drink for the day. Tell him your tired of his drinking. Tell him he's killing himself slowly and you'd rather leave with the children then see him do this because you love him. The alternative is to go in for treatment and stop drinking. If he doesn't, your going to leave.
Honey, he's killing himself slowly, his liver is turning into mush, it's slowly staring to shut down. One day your going to get a call that he passed out, they have him at the ER and he'll be unconsious, his liver will have shut down. That will be his first and last warning, it will be this or his heart. To stop him from drinking now will be in fact, saving his life. It's up to you.

Answer 4

I think u need to have him read that it has alot of emotion. I can tell u love him but if it don't stop the drinking will consume him. My mother drank alot never violent but the day came when her balance wasn't quit right a simple slip took her away from me she fell and hit her head the injury was too severe to fix all because she wanted to be drunk. If u can leave him in the future a ultimatum may be the way to go. At least it will show u how self centered and what he cares about more his family or the booze good luck

Answer 5

Ask him to only drink one night a week & tell him that what he is doing is called a deal breaker & if he doesnt cut it out you will leave him because later down the track he wont be able to control himself & you dont want to be married to a drunk & you wont put your kids through any of that pain
but before you say that to him you must be prepared to go through with it if he says no to you

Answer 6

htere is a sertain kind of dna that ackts like that. when some people drink there is a corrupted file in there dna.any time you hub drinkes he may be causing that one file to become worse and worse if he doesnt ge to rehab soon your hub could die of alchohal poisining

Answer 7

you need to talk to him and go to ALANON meetings . this will help you cope (not enable) and get help for him

Answer 8

ALANON...Alanon..Al-anon..For you.