They've been married 24 years and have 3 children. They get along great but the two of them have maintained seperate sleeping accommodations for the last 16 years. He assures me the relationship has been platonic as she no longer has any physical desire for him. His libido is taking over and he just wants a fling but doesn't want to stop being married.
2006-12-16 19:30:17 · 20 answers · asked by redcoat7121 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would not recommend it. What you have written tells me that they need some marriage counseling. If he does go thru with it,he will feel guilty about it every time he looks at his wife and kids.
I don't think she (his wife) would have any positive feelings about it,either. She would likely lose all respect for him and that would only compound their problems.
Also,if he goes thru with it,his kids will be affected by this affair as well. He would be teaching them that marriage vows mean nothing when problems arise. ...and think of all the heartache and pain a divorce would cause them.
In the movie "A Vow to Cherish", the main character was faced with some similar temptations when his wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I would give a copy of this movie to him and ask him again later (After he has watched it) how tempting an affair is.
Take a look at my source (#1) below. They have a lot of books and things that deal with marriage and family.
My other source (#2) would be a good place to get some info on marriage counseling.
Good Luck!! Your a good friend for caring for him!!
2006-12-16 20:01:04 · answer #1 · answered by Chief Paduke 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He took a marriage vow to honor his wife, and that most certainly is not. Tell his libido to take a walk to his wife's bedroom and work on becoming a better lover as well as husband to her. She might be more willing to sleep with him if he works on pleasing her as well. Of course I am assuming that these separate sleeping arrangements doesn't mean that they haven't had sex in 16 years just that they dont share a bedroom, but if that is the case then I would suggest that your friend and his wife seek counseling. Also he quite obviously asked you because he feels this is wrong, do him a favor and let him know all he has to lose if he gets caught.
2006-12-16 20:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
While he is right to be upset and to feel cheated by her out of what he has a right to expect, and while she must take some of the responsibility for providing much of the justifications for what he is thinking, the answer is still NO. Did you really have to ask in order to know what the answer is? Did he really have to ask you for the right answer? Come on. You both know the right answer. He and you are just looking to get a permission slip and help in avoiding feeling like dirt while doing wrong. Pretty typical these days.
There is no question that in situations like this, the inaction on the part of a partner is something that can tear you up and make you more likely and able to justify doing things you know wrong. But one can almost always find someway to justify things or get agreement from others. That doesnt make it one bit less wrong.
Marriage is one crappy proposition in so many ways, especially given the attitudes and views and lack of morality. But what do the vows say? What did the taker of those vows commit to? The last I heard, we are to honor our vows, even when it just blows to do so and when most would take you for a fool for doing what you commited to doing.
2006-12-16 19:45:43 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying married to someone because they fear loss or for social of family reasons is unhealthy for both parties... My inlaws are proof!!! They'll just end up resenting one another and eventually themselves for not doing anything about it. My advice: marriage counseling... if that doesn't work, then it's time for a divorce or some sort of separation... They're good people I'm sure, but maybe being apart will make them happy too. Plus, your buddy can get laid without the guilt of hurting someone else. Good Luck!!!
2006-12-16 20:26:57 · answer #4 · answered by Mexi Poff 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the wife has already had an affair? After 16 years...wow...it's a long time. He might regret his life if he doesn't, as they don't sound like thy're happy with each other. Maybe he has waited this long so that the kids could grow up as a family...the time may be right.
2006-12-16 19:40:12 · answer #5 · answered by Kristy L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
16 years? that's a long time without getting some. If he has to go have an affair, than more power to him. He could also solve alot of the marital problems by like going to a gym or working out. Physical atraction should work both ways. The husband should try to please the woman too.
2006-12-16 19:35:26 · answer #6 · answered by arkainisofphoenix 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your friend how he would feel if his wife was asking the same question. He gave his word for better or for worse. Encourage him to talk with his wife. If they are friends they should be able to talk openly and honestly about each others needs and desires and be able to come to a conclusion that is good for both of them. Integrity is what you do when no one is looking. And it's priceless!
2006-12-16 19:46:31 · answer #7 · answered by spembie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, does your friend have you talked into Okaying his affair? Because that's what he wants, is for you to tell him it's OK! I would have NO part of it. I would tell him he's on his own on this one. I'd say the couple already has serious problems in the marriage, this issue might end it. There is always two sides to every story!!! Good luck!!
2006-12-16 19:44:12 · answer #8 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to see a Md- and get marriage conseling together-there is so much we and you don't know married couples that don;t sleep together for various reasons-- and they do have sex- sex is a normal part of marriage- there are issues that need to be resolved and adultery is not the answer- that would cause more problems=D
2006-12-16 19:46:14 · answer #9 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, he's gonna have to make a compromise. you can't just have an affair, no matter how much you want to stay married. if its simply platonic, they should just break up, and if they're really that close they can remain really close friends (seeing as that's basically at the point they're at now). but before he makes any rash decisions, he should talk to his wife about their love life. in the end its up to him, but i'd advise him to reconsider
2006-12-16 19:36:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋