how do you recover from a shattered heart?

Question

married14 years ,3 young kids,im a hard working self employed builder who i thought looked after my wife and kids quite well -i was stressed out a little we seemed to be spending more than i was making my wife was a little bored i suggested to get fit then she ran off with her personal trainer6 months ago we share the kids one week on/off she moved out on her own i miss her and the kids soo much i feel the kids are all that i am living for at the moment im very depressed when she has them. i still see my ex everynow and then,she lookes great i would love too try again with her but i dont know where to start she is talking about selling the house the kids and i especially hate all of this my emotions are on a roller coaster i dont know how much longer i can take this does anyone have any advice ?

Answer 1

Hun I really don't know what to tell you. I can't really say that I understand because I have never experienced a divorce.

Sometimes it is just the way life goes.

maybe you should act (in front of her) that life is going really well. Play alittle reverse psyicology (?spelling) on her.

Or just go out and have some fun.
It is gonna be hard to get it off your mind but time and some new activities will help heal your shattered heart.

I don't know. I wish I could offer some good sound advice that could help you.
sorry

Answer 2

Hearts are meant to be broken- and they can heal just as well.
The most pain comes from holding on to the memories. Holding on to memories create a sense of hope. We keep looking backwards and wondering "what if ..... this or that" - Yesterday is gone and we have to be able to move on with time.

14 years of your life, gone just like that! Does guilt kick in. Do you place the blame on yourself? I hope you don't. Your wife cheating and moving on, is a clear message to you. She showed you just how she felt about you. If she wanted to stay she would have, but she must have felt that grass was greener on the other side.

14 long years. A family, a house, a business, and still look at the pile of mess life has created. Your heart is broken, and your wings are clipped, but you can fly again. You can rebuild your life. But you have to be willing to pick up those broken pieces and give life another try. You can't expect for the past to come back to you. It is time to move on and create a better plan.

You are a builder right? Well let's go to work. The foundation is still there, (your kids and your wife). Start building around the new situation. Order new material and learn from the last storm you just went through. Build on your tomorrow, not your yesterday.

Answer 3

Dude, this sucks. Been there myself and it blows. Thought it would kill me. But to be honest, you will come out of it stronger, better and probably more happy. You may also become more realistic and honest with and about yourself and about other people too. Some call it jaded, I call it realistic.

There is no easy way to get over the hurt and feelings or the being used. You simply have to try to take one day, then another. You also have to consider that while you dont yet see it, her leaving you may be a true blessing that you will see in time. You just never know what is around the next corner, be it a person, an opportunity, etc.

I know that you consider trying again, it is natural. But then why? Why reward people for doing you wrong, especially if they have little real justification for having done it, unless you simply want them to view you as a dope or a mark or to encourage them to keep right on doing wrong in life?

Answer 4

It's HARD. There is no easy way. Don't expect to reconcile. And is sounds as if she doesn't want to. I'm soooo sorry that you're going through this. All you CAN do is be there for the kids. Love them and be strong for them. They need to know it is NOT their fault.That you will always be there and will always love them. It's hard being alone after so long I know but life goes on and so will you. Seek counseling for yourself, better yourself, go back to school or take up a challenging hobby LIVE YOUR LIFE. Seek out a church or synagogue or place of worship get a support system to support you. And if She wants to be a part of that again someday so be it if not You are STILL WHOLE .
GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

why did she run off with her personal trained? Did she think somethng in your relationship was missing and went searching for it elsewhere? I don't know what to say that could make you feel any better. I canonly suggest that you try to talk to her about where your marriage went wrong nad to see if you could fix all this. For yourselves and especially the young children. This is going to emotionally scar them for life. I can't even begin to imagine how devestating this must be for you and your children. Maybe your wife needs to be romanced by you all over again. Women really need the compliments from their husbands, no matter how long they've been married. The occasional flowers, dinners, telling her how much you love her everyday. Let her know how much you appreciate her. We need to be told these things throughout the marriage. My husband says them to me and I hope 50 yrs up the track he still will. We like to be appreciated and acknoledged- just as men need all that too.
Try talking to her all over again, and completely open up about how you feel. And if things don't work out, at least you knowyou tried your hardest to make them work

Answer 6

i promise you this is the best piece of advice on getting over relationships you will ever get... you may kick and fight and scream on the way to accepting it, but once you get there, you'll agree:

-nothing gets you over the last one, like the next one-

doesnt mean you have to get another huge relatiojnship, doesnt mean you need a cheap one night stand, you just gotta put yourself in the place where you get that great feeling of self worth and adoration, by meeting someone new and wonderful. until you do -and you cant go out and be desparate about it- you will always doubt yourself and have only the past to dwell on.

when you find something new and good- even if you both know its only temporary and you're honest and fair with each other about it- you wont be wasting your time dwelling on the failures of the past- because you will remember you have a future ahead of you.

Answer 7

my sympathy, i had my 2nd and LAST divorce this past feb; he lied thru our entire marriage, i found out too late. He wanted to work things out with me, i wanted to give him another chance because we have a toddler, but then he gave me a deadline to marry him (!) and I knew something was up, they day before the deadline, i found him with another woman and he had a quickie marriage with her and it is a mess now. I never let him see how he hurt me. His marriage is not going to last. All I care about now is my daughter's safety with this new woman-stranger--who mysteriously has her own kids missing. SO i am having to work all this thru legal channels, to protect my daughter from them. He has to FORCE her into their car everytime they pick her up. I don't know how many times the cops have been here....
It is very hard, and I am taking my time healing, i divorced him in feb and still have not gone out. I need to heal and it will take as long as it takes. We just have to move on, a day at a time. You have a lot of healing to do. My prayers are with you.

Answer 8

only time will heal your pain i would try to get out and meet people
gpo have some fun you cant make someone love you or want to be with you like the old saying goes if you love something set it free if it is ment to be it will come back if it doesnt then it was never ment to be. just hold your head up and live on good luck

Answer 9

“WOW” this sounds like my marriage two years ago, but neither one of us was having an affair. Let me try to make it short I ask for a divorce two years ago, but he refused saying that he was in it for the long run, and said that he would do anything to keep us together. What ever you want, it will always be YES DEAR. You know what it worked on December 24 we will be celebrating our TWENTYSIX Anniversary. If you have to get on one bended knee and ask her to marry you all over again then do it! if she loves you she will come back to you.

Answer 10

My best friend is looking for a man like you - hard working and family oriented.
Your wife will have second thoughts about having left you - eventually....but you need to get on with your life.