My home
As black as black in the night
As dark as a blinded sight
More ravaged than a lady of the night
Some see it as a terrible fright
However, I call it home
To oppressed to be seen
By thoughts of what could have been
Wondering why again and again
Felling like this it must be a sin
However, I call it home
Hiding behind fake smiles and lies
Afraid to release these ties
Ties that bind me to these lies
Never ending circle of my fate, makes me cry
However I call it home
My home is in a place most wont go
Many just don’t want to know
About all the pain and sorrow
Feeling alone, but can never show
However it IS my home
2006-12-16 16:48:08 · 6 answers · asked by jm 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It is absolutely beautiful. Just clean up the grammar and spelling. WOW!
2006-12-16 16:51:08 · answer #1 · answered by moondrop000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not bad, bro. Just don't force rhymes if they get in the way of the emotion you mean to express or point you want to make when you write. I like the symmetry of this one, but the rythm could use a little work.
FlickeringHeart.com
2006-12-16 17:59:19 · answer #2 · answered by RoadRunner81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love love the theme and the wording but, yea, some rhymes seem forced and rhythm is lacking...nonetheless goodgoodgood.
2006-12-16 18:19:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is pretty neat. did you write it?? if you did, that is exellent. keep doing that kind of stuff, and posting it on the internet, and you might just come across a person that is a "person of great power" and lead you up to that "stardom" *only if you wrote it* :P
2006-12-16 16:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by tarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's really good. I liked it. I encourage you to keep writing them, you have talent.
2006-12-16 16:58:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nice (",)
2006-12-16 17:02:09 · answer #6 · answered by Halcyon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋