I've been married for 7 months and been with my husband for 4 years.We have a good relationship,we both work and help pay expenses in our home.One problem is been bugging me for a long period of time.
My husband acts like he is the only one working.He works grave shift and I work evenings.I have to do EVERYTHING in our home from cooking, chores,finances and errans..When he has days off from work,he sits around and watches TV,play his video games or he is on the internet.When I come home and see that nothing is not cleaned.I confront him why the place isn't cleaned and he tells me he is tired.I get tired as well but I have to spare my own time before work and the weekends to make sure all the chores are done and I am exhausted from what I do.I had told him numerous times to please help me while I am working but he ignores my request.This is not a situation where our marriage is on the rocks.I would like for him to help me around the home so I don't get overworked.Civil Answers Please!
2006-12-16 16:24:31 · 18 answers · asked by wsm0628 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I could disconnect the internet however he is "techinical saavy" he will know it is disconnected and turn the internet back on.
How hard is it to run a vaccum or do dishes?
2006-12-16 16:35:33 · update #1
Before we got married we lived seperately..
Yes,I already know about "you thought marriage is going to change a thing".I told him when we moved in together was to help out with chores equally..
2006-12-16 16:38:05 · update #2
I shouldn't have to be a "mother" to him.I was raised to have a clean home regardless.
I think I will go on strike.Make him do everything while I am relaxing.
2006-12-16 16:48:39 · update #3
Sit him down, turn OFF the tv or video game and tell him you have to talk to him. Remind him that your marriage is a partnership. If you are working and helping pay the bills, then he should be doing his share of the housework. Do not scold or nag, just plainly and honestly tell him how you feel. Tell him that the only way you have time for HIM is is he helps out so you won't be overloaded. If he ignores your plea for equality, do NOT take the advice about withholding sex. That's a game you do NOT want to start playing. It's dangerous, stupid, and a sure way to drive a wedge between the two of you. However, you CAN stop doing HIS laundry, picking up HIS clothes, paying HIS bills, cooking HIS meals. No adult should be making an invalid out of another adult by doing for them the things they should be doing for themselves. That's called enabling. If he wants to play Peter Pan and not grow up, refuse to be his "mama". His arms are not broken and he isn't blind or helpless. Get the picture?
2006-12-16 16:36:41 · answer #1 · answered by nana 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You need to tell him that you are not his mother and in marriage the responsibilities are shared that includes cleaning the house and any other chores. You must tell him if he has the energy to play his games and surf the net that he can help do some cleaning you are not his maid. If he doesn't start then just stop cleaning once he sees that you are not going to do anything until he gets off his butt then he may just think man this place is getting messy better clean things up. Only thing is if he is slob then well you may be talking to a brick wall. If sex is something
he likes tell him no sex until he starts helping out around the house that may trigger something.
2006-12-17 01:50:15 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMG welcome to MY world. I work also and so does my husband. We get home at the same time. I have to do homework with my 6 year old, start dinner, clean up whatever mess that happened in the day. WHat does he do. Takes a shower, gets on his video game and or watches TV and drinks his coffee while he waits for dinner. Now I am staying at work later so I can take my time getting home. I tell him he has to fend for himself as far as dinner. Chores, well I wont wash his clothes anymore and I let him do them now. I just said I dont have time to be his Mommy. I leave stuff laying around the house untill he sees that no one is picking it up. Then he'll pick it up. Its hard to see the house go to hell but it gets him going a little bit. And a little is better than nothing. Good luck
2006-12-17 00:34:22 · answer #3 · answered by Chicago Girl 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Your real problem is that you work different shifts. I went through a phase like that and when we ended up both working during the day we ended up doing things together in the evening and sleeping together and it really balanced us out. Working the late shift takes years of your life and it does actually make you feel constantly tired. The penalty rates for the lousy hours are not worth the trouble to your marriage it will bring. You have no hope when kids come along if you don't sort this out now so good luck and I hope you do.
2006-12-17 00:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by Pilgrim 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Why didn't you see these signs before you got married? If you seen these signs and choose to ignore them, then shame on you.
The only advice I can give you is show some tough love...Let things get dirty for a while and see what he does. Let the clothes and dishes pile up, don't cook anything for him (just make enough for yourself) don't run any errands and let some things get to the point of nasty. If he still doesn't do anything naturally, then ask him to clean up. If he still doesn't help then, you know he is a slob and you will be his maid til death do you part.
2006-12-17 00:38:33 · answer #5 · answered by chocolatebabycakes 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My spouse use to be like that, I just started bitching and bitching and well you know, till finally he got the hint. If he is home and I am at work, then he should be the one to have the house cleaned, laundry done and dinner cooked when I get home. Of course he called me a few choice names but in the end he understood what I meant. It took me 15 years to get him to help out, but now he does the chores when he is home, he travels so he's not home much, but when he is home I do nothing around the house he does it.
2006-12-17 00:40:52 · answer #6 · answered by aloneathome 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your husband is suffering from NORMALITY! You are suffering from WISHFUL THINKING! My boyfriend: hasn't paid his reality taxes on his home in 3 years. I'm waiting for the city to put an orange CONDEMNED sticker on the front door! The drop roof has 4 panels missing and the roof leaks into a trash can and I fall asleep to the dripping water.Let's see...The garage has vermits living in it and was ticketed by the city..and there's holes in the roof of the living room and dining room that I can put my hand through. Did I mention that he makes $900 a week with the government?...............and a cop just moved next door!
2006-12-17 00:40:01 · answer #7 · answered by sheree 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Since he acts like he is the only one working, then don't pay your part of the expenses. Let him pay for everything and you save yous earnings in a separate account. If he comes complaining then you tell him that once he starts helping around the house, then you start helping out with the expenses. If you don't have children, don't do it right now, it's only going to be worse for you, he won't help with that either. On his days off take the TV remote control with you, that won't stop him from watching TV, but at least he has to move his a@@ out of the couch to change chanels. Or tell him that you are going to have somebody to help out in the house and he is going to pay for that. On your day off go to the beauty salon or go and get a pedicure, if you don't pamper yourself, he wont. Good luck.
2006-12-17 01:37:17 · answer #8 · answered by Sarita 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
A good way to break him is when it comes time to cook for you to eat, just make your dinner, make him cook for himself, also if I were you don't do his laundry either, stack it up in a pile and tell him on his days off do his washing. Try these 2 things for a couple weeks, he will either wake up and smell the coffee or onto the next step, which is don't clean the house either, eventually it should get your point across and if this doesn't work, then I suggest kicking him to the curb, who needs another kid to pick up after.. good luck! :)
2006-12-17 00:32:27 · answer #9 · answered by Sunflower 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You've been together for 4 years, and didnt know how he was?
OR did you think that marriage would change e/thing?
Welcome to the real world. This is why men cannot understand why their wives turn mean after awhile of being married.
2006-12-17 00:35:23 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋