i need to understand why they shutdown instead of dealing with an issue ; and why they cant say how they they truly feel. As well as how can i help releasing them??
2006-12-16 16:19:55 · 12 answers · asked by confuse06 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my husband doesn't release his until he gets drunk
2006-12-16 16:22:37 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it has more to do with the way males are/were raised. We are told that a man doesn't cry, and we are taught to deal with our emotions by channeling them out through sports and other testosterone fueled aggressive behavior. That is supposedly the reason females are so catty with each other, because they can't get rid of their anger so they gossip and hold grudges instead. During the 80s, the image of the sensitive man who could cry was popularized and women were lead to believe this is what they wanted. In reality, the simple act of crying is completely demasculating in most instances. So, in getting her man to open up, a woman sabotaged her attraction and respect for her mate. Most men are conditioned from birth to shut their emotions off. Men don't have a lot of estrogen coursing through their veins, which makes women more emotional. Emotion exists to trump logic... men are supposed to be logical, right? Men will open up if they are in a safe judgment free environment. Understand that it can be rather messy. You have to talk him through his child hood and what it was like growing up. Get him to expound on his feelings about some of the events that he brings up. Get him to use words other than angry or hurt to describe how he felt. If all else fails, give him a few beers.
2006-12-16 16:44:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
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2016-12-11 10:40:43 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's the way most guys are wired! Talking about issues to us seems very close to arguing. You know there are zillions of books on this subject, why not check one out? It may offer more helpful advice besides talking him to death! Please don't grab a psych book and try to label him with some syndrome! It will be the kiss of death to your relationship. He's just an average guy. We don't communicate in the beginning of a relationship. It takes time, lots of time. We are slow learners when it comes to this subject. I know that I am giving your stereotyping some validity, because it's true!
2006-12-16 16:30:20 · answer #4 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answer to your question: because the physical structure of men's brains is not condusive to nuanced understanding of emotion (women have more connective tissue between the two hemispheres of their brains for example)... and, because our society does not reward men for a nuanced understanding of emotion.
That aside, a lot of help can be gained in "You just dont understand, conversations between women and men" by Dr. D. Tanner.
2006-12-16 16:30:23 · answer #5 · answered by Clear thinker 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because men have this "ego" thing. They don't want anyone to think they're weak. Showing emotions and alot of feelings; some men think that makes them look weak. I think alot it comes from the way they are raised, also.
2006-12-16 16:22:31 · answer #6 · answered by Nancy D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes more of a man to be comfortable with his emotions in front of others (without being whiney) than to be macho about it. Look for that man. They're out there.
2006-12-16 16:30:29 · answer #7 · answered by Jase 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it all goes back to the need for them to feel strong and in control all the time. alot of men are raised to think its not manly to show their feelings or to cry. they think they will loose their ability to be a man if they do. yes its frusterating for us when they do this but i also know that they can change too. first they need to feel secure with the woman they are with, which means ususally they will have had to be together a while , he has to trust her not to look down on him if he does share feelings with her. as for shutting down its a defense mechanisim for most men to shut down in front of their women so that he doesn't look weak if he doesn't know how to deal with something at that moment. the more he trusts you though usually the wall start to come down and he can share more of himself with you.
2006-12-16 16:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by onyx maiden 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
men are not women....stop treating and thinking men are women...that is your first problem.
next.....men grunt, crap and sleep....not much more than that. to think we sit around and ponder our feelings, or if we think about a girl all the time and dream of stuff.....its rare. we think spur of the moment as things happen normally.
its old but a book that helps explain the difference is " Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus ".
2006-12-16 16:22:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think it is because men don't really care about much and I've learned over the years there is nothing to do about it.
I'm confused too!!
2006-12-16 16:22:18 · answer #10 · answered by Mary Jane 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋