Please no rude answers-I have already made up my mind and I want to be with this person I just need and want to forgive him. My fiance left me 6 weeks ago to move in with a younger coworker, he said ALOT of VERY hurtful things. he returned 2 weeks ago and we have been getting along great, he is already making plans for some trips and I sincerely believe he is here to stay now, but when I am away from him or at work all I do is cry,I know I will never forget, but when you love someone you give them the power to destroy you, but you trust them not to and when they do destroy you how do you forgive them for it? I really do want to forgive him and I know I cannot move on until I do, part of me is so happy, but yet there is a small part that is just so heartbroken and hurt. He has not apologized at all for anything. He won't go to counseling either. I have been praying, but I am not getting any better. The worst part for me is knowing he was sleeping with her.
2006-12-16 16:00:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he says he doesn't know if he regrets it and no i didn't ask for an apology because then I wouldn't feel like he really meant it
2006-12-16 16:09:08 · update #1
i'm sorryt o say this but you know the answer to this deep down thats why you can't get over it. he doesn't love you if he can't even apologize to you for this. listen HE CHOSE to walk out on you, he chose to go to that other woman, he chose to sleep with her, he chose to hurt you and use you and break you down. and now he comes crawling back without so much as an i'm sorry. you don't feel better when you pray because God doesn't want to see you in this situation. i know i went through a similer experience. God wants us to forgive yes but he DOES NOT want us to be used. he does not want us to be in a situation that has you so focussed on pain all the time that there in no more room for pleasure. i'm sorry to say but if he refuses help you two are NOT gonna make it. please repect yourself and do the right thing!!! i know it hurts but it hurts a lot more to live the way you are now!! if you would like to talk further please feel free to contact me!!!
2006-12-16 16:11:48 · answer #1 · answered by onyx maiden 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There's no way to forgive. The only thing you really can do is leave it where it is and move on since you've already made your decision to accept this man back. Even if he apologizes, i'm sure it wont change much about the hurtful actions he has taken. Crying helps but no matter what, just give it time and walk away from the issue, that's my best guess. Only if he's a changed man and wont ever hurt you like this again, will you ever really forget about the whole issue and get past this.
2006-12-16 16:23:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
OKAY.....my wife went out on me with a friend of ours while i was locked up for something i didn't do...i know where your comeing from...first is the trust thing...what if it happens again?fear will kill a relationship because its based on distrust...you don't trust him and are scared...okay he's either going to one,hurt you again,or two,not hurt you again...right..therefore you must resolve this...are you going to trust him for what might happen or what might not?not knowing the future is scary...but remember this do you love him on the condition he doesn't cheat on you or do you love him regardless and unconditionally?NO do not subject yourself to his disregard to love and be hurt over and over by no means..people deserve a second chance and a second chance only..once is a mistake...twice is a habit...take the chance yet be cautious with your heart and pray for both him and the woman he was with..forgiveness will follow i assure you...you will be mad for a long while too but it will pass as you see how he treats you...if he is doing you wrong it will show..but be carefull to not take his word on odd circumstances though yet don't accuse him at the same time either..the less you question the more you'll trust...you will know if he's doing you wrong through his actions i assure you....why he did it,how ,when, what ,wheres are irrelevent too...what you have now is today...yesterday is gone tomorrow wont get here...live your love for him fully...you will be the bigger better person daily,,,and all ready are...we who get hurt have a lot to offer others who need comforting...forgiveness is near..forgeting is going to happen one day....what hurts the most is the love that was tainted,not the sex,or the mistakes ,or nothin..what reslly hurts is our pride,our faith in that person ,our trust ,our oneness ,US..it's still there it just has to be brought back out...he made the mistake and probably realizes it too,and thats why he doesn't want couseling or to talk about it...he has to live with what he has done forever you only have to live with it until you let it go....guilt on his part is his punishment..help him along the way by understanding him...yes that sounds odd but that is true unconditional love...like i said watch silently ..once is a mistake worth forgiveness.twice is a habit . good luck ,pray for which you despise,and forgive which you don't understand.....it's been a year now and i still get angry but i deal with it differently now...time does heal wounds and love is very powerful..don't hold in the tears and don't hold back the love and whatever you do dont ever pay him back for what he did..if your not sure he did the thingy thing with her than he may not have...if he can get honest with you then forgiveness will come easier for you...maybe if he hasn't told you for sure ask him wether or not they did if you can handle it...if he did and can admit it then he's accepting responsibility for what he did and is truely trying to be the man you want..if he continuously denies the obvious,he'll probably do it again...you have to take his word though because thats all anyone has...he knows the truth and the truth WILL come out...be patient in you relationship and all will be well...hope this helps take care
2006-12-16 16:39:41 · answer #3 · answered by gonetoprison 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't forgive someone who doesn't regret what they've done or has asked for your forgiveness.
Please consider that you are looking to make a lifetime commitment to someone who shows no respect for you or remorse for the hurt he caused. You've been getting along great because you're happy to have him back, not because anything (aside from his return) has really changed. You cry because you are still hurt. If you were to be honest with yourself, you would know that you can't be sure that he's there to stay. If it were only a small part of you that were heartbroken, you wouldn't be posting here...the happiness would outweigh how despondent you feel right now.
You don't have to go on. You can end it with him and allow yourself to heal. Don't marry him because you're comfortable with him; don't continue to be with someone who has so little respect for you. Since he's not apologized to you or feels he's done anything wrong, he will cheat again.
I hope you consider this answer to your post a candid one. You will not be happy in marriage to this man. End it, heal and open yourself to someone who wants to love and honor you.
Don't settle. How can he possibly make you happy?
2006-12-16 16:22:41 · answer #4 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you forgive someone? I don't think you can; I know I have not ever been *truly* able to. Not really. You can say you forgive them, but in the back of your mind, you will always remember the pain they have caused you.
You've lost your trust & faith in him. That is VERY hard to gain back. You are also looking for him to apologize, and he hasn't. Have you asked him for an apology and he refuses to? Or are you just waiting on him to offer it up? If he is back, I am assuming you guys talked about what he did, yet...he offered no apology? I don't get that. Does he not regret what he did to you?
Edit: He doesn't know if he regrets it? Ouch. That to me means he does not. A man who truly regrets something he did to hurt you would be down on his knees begging you to forgive him, not shrugging his shoulders at your pain.
2006-12-16 16:07:48 · answer #5 · answered by Kaaren1969 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you really think he loves you? he never said that he was sorry. he did once he'll do it again. I think you can do better. He's not hurting you right now your hurting yourself. you need to talk to him about it, and tell him to tell you the truth even if you get hurt you really need to know the real reason why he said all of that and do he still love you and why he left you for another woman. you will still be crying if you don't. You also need to ask yourself why are you with him. i hope you make a good choice for you and not for anyone else. Remenber that someone loves you and he is not the only one or the only man that is out there.
2006-12-16 16:16:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lots of sympathy from me! It really hurts to get dumped by someone you love, especially if it's very serious like a fiance. Just pull him to the side and tell him how you feel about his ditching. He'll listen. But how come I have a feeling he won't? My intuition has been increasing lately. But whatever. Just try talking to him. And if he dumps you for real, try going into therapy. You need happiness for a good life, girl! Good luck and Happy Holidays!
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2006-12-16 16:16:00 · answer #7 · answered by whatevbookwrm687 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you leave him, and end all contact with him, and find someone better. Then you will be able to forgive him.
Is that what you consider a rude answer? No, that's reality. You need a bitçh-slap with a clue-by-four. Every answer you get here will tell you he's an âss and he needs to be out of your life immediately. Everyone close to you has probably told you that already.
If you choose to stay with this guy, you deserve every bit of the suffering he will cause you for the rest of your life.
2006-12-16 16:10:17 · answer #8 · answered by randomstupidhandle 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
God commands us to forgive immediatly. Forgiveness is a decision. Trust is built over time. You can forgive a stranger for cutting you off but do you trust him? Let him make the first step of trust. I don't see it yet.
2006-12-16 16:17:39 · answer #9 · answered by Jase 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's done it once, chances are he'll do it again...drop the man before he does it again. Your question indicates that you aren't happy with this relationship. How can you forgive somebody if they haven't even said "I am sorry I hurt you."
2006-12-16 16:13:36 · answer #10 · answered by HAGAR!!! 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋