My Fiance lost his mother and young sister to a car crash last Feb. His personality has changed completly. He refuses to talk about anything that reminds him of them. He is in complete denial. I am trying to be understanding but he is taking a lot of his frustrations out on me. I moved my enitre life and daughter across country quit my job and came to live with him while he tries to get custody of his other young sibling that survived the crash. How can I help him? My patience is wearing thin and I can't handle my great guy being moody, angry, and mean to me.
2006-12-16 15:05:13 · 5 answers · asked by stef 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have suggested counseling numerous times but he refuses to go. He doesn't think it would do anything for him. I have been to counseling before and know otherwise but he won't listen. He is so closed off about his family I haven't even seen a picture of his mom.
2006-12-17 03:31:54 · update #1
This is a hard question to answer. He is obviously going through an awful lot lossing two people very dear to him and then having to fight for the right to raise another sibling. He needs to come to terms with this on his own but you can not accept bad behavior by him towards you. Being understanding and taking crap from someone is two completely different things. You can be understanding about moodiness but when it comes down to him being mean to you and taking out his pain on you then it is time to draw the line. I wouldn't attack him back but I would make it very clear that you neither deserve this treatment or will continue to accept it. You are willing to be there for him to talk to, vent, or give your shoulder for the good cry that he really needs to have but you will not be treated as if this horrible tragedy is your fault because it is not. Not only that but your heart is just as broken over this tragedy because you seem to really love him and want to be there to help him make it through this impossible time in his life.
2006-12-16 15:19:18 · answer #1 · answered by Janet J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop the pressure - let him talk when he wants to, and just be there to listen and hug.
imagine his hurt, anger, frustration - there's nothing he can do to bring them back, and with a guardianship lawsuit, frustrations to deal with on top of this, in trying to save what is left of his family, you are both in my thoughts and prayers.
maybe what you and your daughter could do as a surprise for him sometime, is make a memory collage framed placard of photos of his family for him, and add a couple of photos of you and your daughter too, as they would be your family too now if they were still alive.
try to suggest counselling for him, you and your daughter as a "group package" - grief not only affects him, but you guys too. you obviously hurt and experience similar feelings to his as you want to make things better - grief takes time to deal with. i've been there and done that too.
maybe plan his favourite evening one night when all 3 of you are together for some really special tlc time - get your daughter to write him a poem or something and a "we love you" card. don't bring up the past - if he choses not to, let it go - if he does, listen.
you and your daughter both need to tell him as gently as possible that you're there for him, and ask him to understand what you guys are feeling and going through too. don't make accusations.
good luck hun - i wish you all the world.
2006-12-16 23:47:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are to be comended. It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing. If this man was worth you uprooting your entire life before his loss then he will be worth waiting for while he works through his grief. Counseling would be appropriate and encouraged but I think just as important is that you listen to him. He is speaking the loudest when he says nothing.
2006-12-16 23:22:06 · answer #3 · answered by gtahvfaith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call a good grief counselor and go, ask what you can do to help, suggest to your fiance that he needs grief counseling suggest that that may be the first step in getting his sibling.
My prayers are with you and him.
2006-12-16 23:12:06 · answer #4 · answered by hurricanemercedes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he needs to go see a psychiatrist,that way he can say what ever is on his mind and cry if that's what he need to do.Just keep being patient.He don't know how to deal with his pain.When he gets moody stay out of his way.Let him be the one to talk about his mom and sister.When he stops talking about them,you stop to.Everyone grieves different.He really truly misses his mom and his sister too.He may look at you and wish you were his mom.Good luck and I hope you can stay by his side.
2006-12-16 23:40:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋