Why do so many really nice guys wind up with a mean "*itches" for a girlfriend?

Question

Is it one of those dominant/submissive things? Or are these people just masochists? I've seen the reverse, too, some really nice ladies with major jerks as boyfriends. A case of "opposites attract" or what?

Answer 1

I can give you one of the reasons it happens. It's called White Knight Syndrome or Rescuing the damsel in distress. Some guys have a strong desire to help others, compassion, etc and this leads them to want to help out a girl who's in trouble of one sort or another. The woman in distress NEEDS the guy, which feeds his ego. Now, often times the woman knows a good thing when she sees it and will 'play the guy' (manipulate him) in order to get what she wants/needs herself.

This works out great - for a while. The woman likes being taken care of and the guy feeds his ego by taking care of her. The woman may or may not be a *itch from the get-go, but almost assuredly, once she's in a position of 'being back on her feet', so to speak, then she no longer needs the guy like she used to, which upsets the balance of the relationship. The guy is now seen as smothering or controlling and the woman as unappreciative and then the fireworks really begin. She becomes a real *itch and he just trys to keep placating/helping her. Downward spiral ensues.

Clearly, one of the other 'givens' in these situations is a lack of self-esteem on the part of the guy, who otherwise would avoid these situations in the first place and certainly wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior for long if he didn't originally see it coming.

Speaking from personal experience. Thankfully, after suffering through three!! of these relationships, I've acquired some backbone and no longer put up with this kind of behavior. It still makes me 'twinge' to walk away from an attractive woman in need, but hey, life is too short for that crap.

Answer 2

women find nice guys boring because they come in droves, women find jerks interesting because they aren't nice and kind of act independently.

I don't believe nice guys go for really mean women at first, it's just that's what's left after chasing after the hot, always "unavailable", cute ones, and like a puppy, they look for attention from anyone who is willing to give it rather then the standard cold shoulder.

That's the short answer anyway. A longer one would be that the nice guys give up their power over the conversation or relationship to the woman way too easily, there's no game of catch me, catch you if the guy does all the chasing, yet none of the running. Combine this with the thought of rejection scaring the nice guys and well, trying to buy a girl's affection through nice dinners, roses, gifts, etc. Builds up a sense that they don't consider themselves equal, so they have to ply and make themselves feel better if they show themselves as a rich man or good provider. This will always make him lose out because there's nothing unique or noteworthy.

On the other side of the coin is the jerks, where they don't chase but rather coast on their good looks or aura of confidence and let it happen. This will usually attract most women because it's plain different from the fields of nice guys going after them. Plus jerks rarely need to buy their affection because it's already being given to them unconditionally. In one phrase, a woman loses her head over a guy like this, but attraction is rarely logical, so this makes lots of sense. Of course once she regains her head, she usually dumps him within the next month because he's, well, you guessed it, a jerk.

Hope these tidbits help :)

Answer 3

I think those nice guys are so laid back and easy going that they don't see the truth of these women they meet. They don't see that what they are really looking at is a fake person. Take away her wig, face make up, pop off those false nails, false eye lashes, fake tan, breast implants, tummy tuck, cheek implants, liposuction, and reconstructive surgery for that big nose she probably has, take that all away and what would you have?

I am certainly not going to go through that for a guy. Now if there's a guy out there who doesn't mind having some extensions put on, give me a call.

Answer 4

People who are extremely nice and giving, tend to look for people who are selfish and even mean.
I think it is because they feel that they can change their behavior and show them "the light."
Masochism is not an issue here. These people just want to find love, they dont thrive on pain or criticism. Opposites attract is a possibility too though.

Answer 5

For the same reason that alot of nice girls end up with jerks for boyfriends. Manipulative, insecure people look for "nice girls" or "nice guys" so that they can use that person to make themselves feel powerful and in control. They disguise this nasty part of their personalities as confidence. Nice guys are usually attracted to girls who are assertive and confident, only to find out later that their new girlfriend is aggressive and bossy.

Answer 6

They may have other, unseen qualities which make up for their personalities.

I have heard it said that a b itch is someone who ends up with the boyfriend you were hoping for, but that could be just a rumour.

Answer 7

i've seen it happen all too often, it seems one person in the relationship must but be the dominant one, and the other the submissive person..

Answer 8

if the nice guy isnt outgoing, they wont ask a nice girl. the "itches", however, will ask the guy and he'll say yes b/c he doesnt think he can get any better. lol my friend chris is an example of this

Answer 9

honestly, there's just something about bitches that attractive. can't really explain it. its not always about masochist type stuff. i think more about the fact that bitchy girls are usually at the "top of the food chain" so they can handle themselves and no what they want. also, they're usually pretty hott.

Answer 10

I have no idea. I've lost a lot of guy friends over mean itch girlfriends and wives.