I have a friend who I have been arguing with a lot lately. She seems really manipulative sometimes and she gets mad at me a lot. Many people say she's all around mean to me, but I still love her like she's my sister.
But today I told her that maybe we shouldn't be around each other as much because we don't get along.
The truth is, I just don't want to make her cry again. Almost every time I talk to her or see her, I make her cry. I always mess up, and I don't know what to do.
Everyone says I'm blaming myself too much, but I don't feel like I am. I feel like it is all my fault she cries...
It kills me to see her cry. So tonight at church I sat all the way on the other side of the sanctuary from her, and all through the service I was crying, and soon I had to leave it was getting to bad. She looked so sad when she saw me...
What can I do? I feel so horrible for making her feel this way.
I don't want to make her cry. Should I just stay away from her?
2006-12-16 14:32:33 · 17 answers · asked by Faith 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The things we fight about are mostly little things... to me at least. She says I'm ruining her life... and taking all of her friends away... I love her a lot and want her to be happy... but I'm not sure where to start...
2006-12-16 14:40:36 · update #1
Just stay away from her. Your presence isn't helping her and she only makes you feel bad.
2006-12-16 14:35:19 · answer #1 · answered by retrodragonfly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep away from her for a while. I understand you love her as a sister, but sometimes you need to take a break from the people you love. It sounds like this girl is manipulating you or trying to change you in some way. I am sorry to say this but this isn't a healthy relationship for either of you right now. After a short period of time (whatever feels comfortable for you), talk to her, tell her how you feel, and try to carry out a mature conversation. if she cries again, then you know it's not worth it. I hope this helps and good luck with your friend!
2006-12-17 08:29:34 · answer #2 · answered by Eris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. If you feel she's being manipulative, chances are she is. Is very possible she may not even know it either. Her feelings don't belong to you and you are not responsible for them. Sometimes the truth hurts, and if you're telling her the truth and she cries, you have to let her cry. If you try to control her feelings by making her stop, you will be taking on a much bigger responsibility that, not only doesn't belong to you, but you won't be able to handle it. You can not control others. I don't think that her crying or being sad is what's bothering you.....It's more like you don't like feeling the feelings that her upset is causing YOU and your uncomfortable with it. This is life and it's OK. We have to have the lows to measure out the highs. You are not making her cry and if you are saying that to yourself or outloud, you are not helping her. If you are preventing her from crying and not being honest, your not being a friend. You have to remember that whatever is going on with her is her responsibility, she needs to take ownership for it, it's her life, and if she doesn't she will never grow from it or learn a damn thing.
It might be a good idea to share these feelings with her. Chances are she's done this before, is pushing people away, and doesn't even know it.
Ruining her life? Taking her friends away? You may love her and want her to be happy, but you can't make it happen. Only she can. How can you possibly be ruining her life? That can only happen if she has given you her power. Get it? Tell her to take her power back and let her know you don't want it. Let her know that blame goes nowhere and if she is losing friends, it's because of her behavior - which can always change - and it has nothing to do with who she is. Start by being totally honest with her. Tell her you love her and care for her but you are not responsible for her happiness. Thats a decision she has to make for herself. If she truely feels this way, then let her know she is wrong, but you will respect her wishes and leave her alone. Space will hopefully help her see more clearly.
If you continue to do what you've always done, you get what you've always gotten. Same goes for her.
2006-12-16 14:45:11 · answer #3 · answered by LetMeBe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd suggest writing her a letter explaining exactly how you feel and why. Sometimes it's easier to put things down that way than to try and talk through them or keeping in feelings of anger/resentment. It sounds like you feel guilty and angry at the same time when she cries because of you (though I have no idea what your arguments are about). In any case, if you still want to keep your friendship, you need to confront the issues head-on.
2006-12-16 14:35:56 · answer #4 · answered by Ryan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I feel for you. i'm going through the same, or did. But, no don't isolate each other. what you need to do it go to her when she is alone, appologeis, and if she'll let you givce her a hug. If your bf's then, she'll be worth it. To people besides yourself, they see you as blaming yourself, and you are, but I understand, you feel guilty, thats because you care. just talk to her, tell her how you feel, and that you would care for a little extra respect, but don't say it mean like. Just do it with a spit of authority. Eventually, she'll get you and either give up her 'mighty hand' over you, or...(no or's they're bad) I'm sorry if my advice is to no help. but it worked for me, yet again all people are different.
2006-12-16 14:39:56 · answer #5 · answered by bri b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask her why she started acting mean towards you. You should only resort to completely avoiding her if it gets too bad. If you guys are as much friends as you say you guys are, there must be something behind the sudden change. If she doesn't give you that chance then you should just avoid her for a while.
2006-12-16 14:37:14 · answer #6 · answered by melloncollieromance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if this girl is like a sister to you then dont stop hangin out with her..tell her that you feel really bad that you make her cry..i had a friend once and we always used to fight when we were together...so whenever we saw each other we would make a pact that we wouldnt fight..that sounds really lame but it works! just give it a try!
2006-12-16 14:37:09 · answer #7 · answered by Micelle Rye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need breathing room. Stay away for awhile. Then if you get together and she still cries all the time - well, obviously you two shouldn't be friends. Don't analyze - just move on.
2006-12-16 14:37:17 · answer #8 · answered by Orion777 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel that staying away is the best thing to do, but if it makes you feel worse than you shouldnt.if you feel that you can talk to her about what she is doing and that you still want to be friends but not if she is going to keep bringing you down. and at least tell her you dont want to be friends dont just ditch her it will make her feel worse.
2006-12-16 14:37:05 · answer #9 · answered by imigeofinvsible 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not making her cry, she is crying to make you feel bad and its working. Just tell her to grow up and act like a responsible person. A true friend wouldnt cry just to make you feel bad!
2006-12-16 14:35:13 · answer #10 · answered by Onie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Faith
Send her a copy of exactly what you have written here, let her know exactly how you are feeling, maybe when she understands that, you may be better friends.
During your life you will meet a lot of aquaintances BUT
true friends are hard to find.
2006-12-16 14:40:18 · answer #11 · answered by traffy164 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋