I just can't let go of my wife after I caught her 9 months ago. The "I love you's" and "Why's?" just keep driving her farther away. I continue to question her faith and judge her horrible mother and friends. I just can't get over the fact that she left without even the slightest regret, guilt, or remorse. She says she hates me and is looking forward and moving on. She even bought a townhouse during our separation!
I have taken 50-50 blame for our marriage, forgiven her for everything except the not trying. I took her for granted. She was a poor communicator. It was a sudden and unexpected affair. I had the best month of our 14 year marriage one month before I caught her. If that isnt enough we have 2 kids that have been living in a wonderful Godly family the entire time. She doesnt even want to try for the kids.
2006-12-16 14:25:47 · 14 answers · asked by HonestGuy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The whole point is that she is so determined to move on without me that I'm afraid to quit trying. At least if I'm still fighting for her, I won't be forgotten. I have read all the theories. I should get a GF and make her jealous, ignore her and she will wonder what I'm doing....etc. I feel ashamed of myself for not being strong enough to let go. Counseling hasn't helped much. Reading the bible and my Christian books helps some times. Did anyone here have a similar problem work out before.
We have been separated for 6 months.
2006-12-16 14:27:29 · update #1
She has moved on without you, for whatever reason. (and she doesn't want to try, because she has found someone else -- sorry, but I'd be 90% sure on that one) And you really don't love her for who she is now, you love her for what she was once, and they are now no longer the same. Stay in counseling, and hey sweetie, put up an ad in Yahoo personals. There are some tricks, and if you need help, write me. Mine cheated, and I left, -- creul beyond what I could ever write here.... it was as if someone reached into my chest and pulled out my heart, and threw it on the ground in front of me.... a knife would have been easier. But I DID move on, and with the help of some friends put up an ad, and by god, there were just tons of great guys out there -- some had been cheated on just as I had been, other scared to death they might really meet a nice lady (me) and ran, some I wanted to see again, some wanted to see me, but I did find the prince, hon.
2006-12-16 15:39:30 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I pushed him away because he wasn't capable of feeling the same love I had for him. He wasn't gay. You know, even now, two and a half years later, it hurts. Well, now it just sort of sucks. LOL He was the friend I needed. He was the one person who made me realize that yes, I do need friendship. He showed me what it was. For that alone, he'll always have a place in my heart. I haven't spoken to him much lately. Why? Because I think I'm actually moving on and I'm desperately afraid of going back to how it was in the beginning. I doubt it will happen, because I've noticed that he's changed. I want to say, he's hanging with a "not so good crowd". No drugs/illegal stuff, just a bunch of immature idiots and, well, he's not the same Craig I knew my senior year of high school. Pushing him away was very difficult but necessary in so many different ways.
2016-05-23 01:09:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"At least if I'm still fighting for her, I won't be forgotten" Dear when she bought the townhouse she has already forgotten about you.. apparently she does not want to be remembered and she does not want to work on the relationship.. So I think you are wasting your time, efforts and emotions on a lost cause...
Don't let your guilt rule you, she is as much fault in this as you are, but her having an affair and moving out shows you that this marriage has came to a conclusion for her.
Be strong... the road of healing is not going to be easy.. but a 100 miles journey starts with the first step./.. your first step would be admitting and accepting that your marriage has ended, but realize that it is not the end of your world. Time heals all wounds.. Best of luck...
2006-12-16 15:27:08 · answer #3 · answered by Samantha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have to accept that thing didn't work out and move on. There are other women out there that are good communicators and faithful. Try and make the best of things for the kids and find someone else.
Divorce is tough, but living with someone who is unfaithful and unwilling to work things out is worse.
2006-12-16 14:29:51 · answer #4 · answered by bluechick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is a hard thing to go through. It takes two to make a marriage work. Please try to move on without her as she has done. It will take time and the pain will not go away over nite. You can't make someone love you. The sooner you realize that she is not coming back the sooner you can move on. Good luck and God bless.
2006-12-16 14:49:17 · answer #5 · answered by Janet M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shes not worth your time or thoughts. Try to move on, just forget about her, she doesnt sound very nice and if she has no regrets or guilt then she prob didnt feel very strongly for you. I know its hard, but the best thing you can do, for you and your kids is to move on. A happy dad is the best kind of dad!
2006-12-16 14:29:29 · answer #6 · answered by Onie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"If that isnt enough we have 2 kids that have been living in a wonderful Godly family the entire time. She doesnt even want to try for the kids."
Gee of God was such a part of your wonderful family why weren't you married before having kids?
2006-12-16 14:37:30 · answer #7 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what, you questioned her faith, and didnt accept her totally. By the way, your l love you then became lip service. You aren't good enough as a man for her, and I want to let you know that you were so lousy as a partner that she was willing to take risk seeing other offers out there even when she was taken with kids! That is how much you sucked.
2006-12-16 14:29:31 · answer #8 · answered by Stephanie H 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Time to move on dude. You gotta try to get an objective perspective on this. It is so over, what are you thinking?.
2006-12-16 14:32:22 · answer #9 · answered by tenbadthings 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LET HER GO. SHE HAS. She has found happiness somewhere else. Let her go. Go and find yourself. Learn how to be by yourself. Love yourself. If you can't love yourself how can you love someone else truly. I see that you have kids what are you showing them, that is it is okay to love someone even if they don't love you back, it is okay to mentally and emotionally hurt yourself. MOVE ON MOVE ON MOVE ON. GO FIND YOURSELF AND GOD AGAIN.
2006-12-16 14:32:31 · answer #10 · answered by dakandishop07 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋