I have been seperated for over 3 months. I am relocating out of state to get a fresh start. My soon to be ex-husband was becoming mean and abusive before he left me. I was devasted when he left me, but I am finally getting over him & I know we are better off without him. About 6 weeks ago I was feeling very lonely & missing the MAN I THOUGHT he was. I dropped our daughter off at school & went to visit him to talk about my feelings about our break-up. I don't want him back, I was just missing him. Driving over to his apartment I knew I was making a mistake, but we all do foolish things. At 39 I should know better. But needless to say we had sex & we used a condom. Now I'm 10 days late & took a home pregnancy test...... It was positive. I have not slept with anyone else, I haven't even dated because I'm not ready for that yet. I know a man has a right to know if he's going to be a father. But I am afraid to tell him. Would you tell him?
2006-12-16 12:58:55 · 20 answers · asked by Amy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No he definately doesn't want any more kids & I know his first response he wont believe its his baby because we used a condom. Yes I am physically afraid of him, but I really don't know how he'll react. I am pretty emotional about this.
2006-12-16 13:12:15 · update #1
What a dilemma!
On the one hand, you're trying to move on with your life, but on the other, you're carrying this man's child and he ought to know about it because he's legally obligated to support the new baby just as he's obligated to support the child the two of you already have.
HOWEVER, if he's abusive, do you really want your younger child to have contact with him? What about your daughter? I don't see a child keeping a new brother or sister a secret for very long; it's almost inevitable that he'll find out.
Personally, if I thought I could make a decent living in my new area for my children, I'd just go on ahead with the relocation plans. Perhaps you could qualify for some sort of government assistance with your pregnancy, unless you already have insurance in place. If your new employer has a group medical plan, it may not cover your condition because it occurred prior to your employment.
I really hope you can find a solution that works for you and your kids.
2006-12-16 13:11:22 · answer #1 · answered by Chrispy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow... What a toughie! I think that I would sit on it for a while. Was he abusive to your daughter? Did he use your daughter as means to manipulate you? There are several reasons why a man would need to know or deserve to know, however if you are SCARED of him and scared of him for either your child's welfare or of that of your unborn's welfare, I think I would take some time to think about it.
I do believe he deserves to know, but I think you should get your ducks in a row first. Make sure where you are emotionally...
Good luck!
2006-12-16 21:04:20 · answer #2 · answered by ivy9toes 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you have to tell him, if for no other reason than that your child has a right to know who his/her father is. Additionally, if the court decides that conclusive presumption applies, your soon-to-be-ex-husband only has 2 years to dispute paternity; so you might as well get it established now.
2006-12-16 21:02:58 · answer #3 · answered by amy02 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well..no one can tell you what to do.. I think you should first sit down with your self and think this through.. what do YOU want to do.. what do YOU want from him.. Do you want to go back to him or do you want to move on with your life and raise the baby on your own. You can not tell him at all and let him presume that you got pregnant by another man if you do not want him back in your life...You have to know what your answers to his questions are going to be before he asks them...
2006-12-16 23:01:53 · answer #4 · answered by Samantha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no a man also has a right to not be abusive and cruel so just skip yourself a lot of problems and get on with your life.
2006-12-16 21:01:50 · answer #5 · answered by doc 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he should cause he the father to your baby soon
2006-12-16 21:03:04 · answer #6 · answered by johnlee1049 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you are in a very tight situattion..i no your feeling confused...i think you tell him but lead up to the subject...by saying how do you fell about having more kids or would you ever have another kid??glad i could help
2006-12-16 21:05:33 · answer #7 · answered by love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey if he is going to beat you or hurt you and any physical way he does not deserve to know guys like that don't deserve anything but a kick in the ***
2006-12-16 21:22:57 · answer #8 · answered by jbird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i would tell him, hopefully he will be happy about it, and u and him will get back together and all will be well. tell him u miss him and maybe he could one day be the man u thought he was.
2006-12-16 21:11:23 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would tell him. Then seek child support from him for the new child.
2006-12-16 21:03:20 · answer #10 · answered by RiverFrog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋