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As a child, my father was very abusive to my mother. I've seen/heard their fights many times and now my father has gotton away with it and has also left us to go live with another woman.

Now that I'm older I hate myself so much for never calling the police on him when I had the chance. I wish so badly that I had.....

I'm just wondering how exactly that can effect me later on and even now?

Because I seem to have an inability to cope with the fact that he has really gotton away with it all these years. Somehow I still want my dad- But yet I desprately hate the man and want him to go to prison for what hes done.

What has HIS violence caused me???

2006-12-16 12:45:11 · 7 answers · asked by Mindy 1 in Social Science Psychology

7 answers

You can reach out and get help, because you are facing your problem. You can see how his problems became yours. They were not your problems, but sometimes people make it so because they don't want to take responsibility for their actions.

1. Get help for yourself from guidance counselors, priest, minister, or church guidance office, if you don't want to go to regular professional counselors.
2. Because you recognize the damage that he did to you, you are very realistic in facing what damage is in the past, and you want to move into your present and your future, without that past baggage.
3. That is very realistic, and helpful to you.
4. As you can see, just writing this and showing us what didn't work, means that he did not get away with it.
5. Bad people many times get caught somewhere, someday, and it's not for us to know.
6. Just reach out again and live, and
7. Smile everytime you pass a mirror, as you can and are taking back control of your life, yes a big smile.
8. Remember that forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself. As you let go of him, and forgive him, you let go of having to think about him and his baggage of trouble.
9. You will love yourself again.
10. Relax, breathe, and take a deep breath.
11. You are just beginning your life, and you will write new words to your book of life, and you can choose never to do any damage to others as was done to you.
You can choose to let go and let GOD. Don't forget to challenge GOD, as GOD loves challenges. Really tell GOD about this, and tell GOD to take it away.
12. Everyday write 3 things for which you are grateful, yes a gratitude piece of paper. You will take back control.

GOD bless us now and always.

2006-12-16 13:04:49 · answer #1 · answered by May I help You? 6 · 0 0

yes it can. Sometimes you go thru something, what influences you later. i went thru abusive relationship, when a lot of bad things happened to me, but when it was happening, alho i felt really down, it didn't cause me any anxiety. but when i left my partner, that's when all my anxiety started, in few different forms. Because i got also beaten by him and was told i will get my face smashed, im afraid of tripping over something and smashing my face on the edge of the table (i work in a restaurant) or thing like that. so as a result, the way i walk around chairs and tables is sometimes really funny.
Do not blame your self for not calling police. You were only a kid, it was your mum or some relative who should have done it. And dont worry, your father will pay for it, every one will pay one day for their very bad sins.

2006-12-16 13:26:04 · answer #2 · answered by Eli 2 · 1 0

For the most area, it truly is as a lot because the guy, yet honestly, alcohol will be a contributor. between the flaws that alcohol does is to disable your inhibitors. once you're not any further getting the message out of your mind that asserts, "hmm, undesirable idea", you're at risk of doing issues that you does no longer do at the same time as you've been sober. in certain circumstances, inhibitions will be a sturdy element! Edit: it isn't undemanding to outline precisely what that is that "motives" kin violence. between the sparkling individuals is popping out to be up in a house the position kin violence is uncomplicated, and being taught that it truly is how human beings act. it truly isn't any longer genetic...this has been shown by technique of those who've had abusive mothers and fathers, yet who take your time to study that it truly isn't any longer universal habit. maximum of it, even with genes or upbringing, is merely an absence of ability to regulate ones self. it could be because the abuser merely doesn't care to attempt...it could be because they have a chemical imbalance. each and every case has its personal root reason, such as those and doubtless one hundred different motives.

2016-11-26 23:18:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

Yes, you are suffering anxiety, but it is probably nothing new. If you think about it, you felt anxiety while the abuse was happening. You love your father because he is your father, but that doesn't mean you have to like the kind of man he is. Get some counseling so that the abuse from the past doesn't negatively affect your future relationships.

2006-12-16 12:51:00 · answer #4 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 3 0

Oh honey, ABSOLUTELY it does! Please, get both yourself and your mom to a psychologist/psychiatrist/counselor ASAP!

You did NOTHING wrong, you were NOT at fault, and it was NOT your responsibility to act, but you can suffer post traumatic stress effects if you suppress it.

Thank God it's over now, and get some help soon. No shame, no regrets, you just need to find out what happened, what it did to you, and learn some skills and tools to avoid suffering further.

God bless you and good luck!

2006-12-16 12:55:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

Often, children who witness violence suffer from post tramatic stress disorder (PTSD). Counseling is in order and should be beneficial.

2006-12-16 13:52:19 · answer #6 · answered by outdone 4 · 0 0

A child should not feel responsible for the behavior of his parents, or feel any guilt for not intervening. It wasn't your place to solve their problems. Besides, you must have been very scared. I know I was when it happened in my home. Your mother should have done something, not you. Forgive yourself; you're not to blame.

2006-12-16 12:51:30 · answer #7 · answered by The Gadfly 5 · 2 1

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